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  • This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 4 weeks ago by kin.
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    • #189686
      dehzao
      Participant

      DAY #1

      I think I have identified my issue a bit soon, which I am thankful for. I am also thankful for my job, for my life and for my health. I know there isn’t the usual way to start a addiction stop journal, but that’s the shift of focus I need. I’ve lost 3k in the last 2 weeks, I have never had a similar problem before the last two weeks, but I know I have this issue in my genes since my father was a degenerate gambler, so that’s how I know this problem can get deeper if I don’t treat it right now and that is what I am doing.

      These 3k was not only money, it was my passport to a better life somewhere else, I’ve anticipated receiving this cash and was planning to move and live by myself, now I won’t do it this month anymore. But that is quite a few compared what could be lost, so I rather adopt this perspective. Always.

      Stopping and breaking the habit is tough, very tough. I’ve blocked around 15 gambling sites a few days ago only to find another one today and saying to myself it was a small controlled time to do so. Bullshit, my brain currently can’t stop when chasing losses unfortunately. Here in my country I don’t have an option to block my registration in ALL gambling sites, so there is always another one and that makes it tougher.

      Anyway, this is my first day. I don’t know very well what to say to start this journal. But I know exactly why I am doing it. I am here to commit myself to come here everyday and talk, speak everything and focus for it not to happen again. I HAVE TO. Even though I am keeping a positive mentality this already harmed me very, very much. Like, very very much!!! So I compromise myself to stop it day by day, whatever it takes. Period.

      What I’ve lost is already lost. Gone. Goodbye. Arrivederci. Adios. Adeus. Au revoir. I accept that I LOST this money and I will never try to get it back. I have lost 3k and I it is never to be seen again by gambling. Everytime I go and gamble I will lose for sure. Gambling is losing money. If that help me, I also think is rigged and impossible not to be. If so, it is only stupid to go and do it again, so I won’t.

      This is my first day and I have a bright future without it. But I gotta heal myself and stay alert every minute, every hour, every day. There’s no more “only one time”, or “only two hours”. That does not exist. I will heal. I am better than this. Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I believe there is no easy money and am determined to work hard and smart for it and monitor myself for never thinking otherwise again. God will help me too. And I hope I can start changing my perspective of life so I don’t fall for this stupidity anymore.

      With all my heart and until tomorrow.

    • #189700
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
      Take care
      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #190105
      kin
      Participant

      Hi dehzao,

      Thank you for sharing.

      Looking forward to your next post.

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