29 October 2016 at 8:05 am #5093Jds1999Participant
I was last on here around three months ago after finding out my dad has been a gambling addict the last 7 years. He rang me up crying and apologising saying he had to finally admit it to me and my brother, we knew he gambled but he has lost over £100,000 ober the last 7 years and i didnt think it was that bad.
I was really struggling last time i was here, i was stressed and anxious and a lot of it was from my dads gambling. I have lent him around £5,000 over the last 7 years and everytime he said he just needed help after divorcing my mum. I was unemployed and he was really stressing me out, i am still paying off his £10,000 loan which he made me take out for him in 2012, there is only 5 months of that left luckily but that has been really stressful As i have been paying that off on my own since Christmas.
I am back here as i started work 2 months ago, and the second i got my first paycheck he asked for £100 to help him through until his payday. I said i cant keep doing this and he begged and said nobody else will lend him money, i feel so much pressure when he puts that on me so i am so used to giving in and givimg him what he needs and it has been like that for 7 years now comstamtly lending him money when he hasnt given me a penny of his own money.
He said he would pay me back by the 24th and i have been chasing him. Up for the money the last 4 days and everyday he has a different excuse as to why he cannot pay me. I am so tired now of this and have promised myself and my girlfriend not to help him out anymore as its always resulting in me waiting weeks or months for some money back.
Just need help or any thoughts on this situation. Its not fair how he expects me to always cover him and then not bother paying me back on time, it causes me stress and also my girlfriend because at times she has to help me out but she wouldnt have to if i didnt have my dad relying on me all the time.
How do i make him see that its effecting me really bad and get him to understand that i cant give him money anymore.
Thanks for any help29 October 2016 at 11:15 pm #5094velvetModerator
Maybe it would be a good idea for you to think where you would like to be in the next 3 months, or even in 3 years because if you carry on letting your father press the same buttons all the time you will be writing a similar post – but you will be a lot poorer, your girlfriend will have less patience and less money and your father will have thrown a load more of your money at whatever it is he gambles on.
Your father doesn’t want to know how you feel, sadly he is only interested in the way that he feels and he feels he has to gamble. You cannot save him but you can refuse to feed his addiction.
Of course it isn’t fair that you cover for him so what can you do that is different this time?
Maybe you could tell him about this site, or GA or the GMA rehab.
If it was me I would tell him that he had pushed me too far and not to ask me for any more money because the answer will be ‘no’. When my CG changed his life he told me that as long as I enabled him he had no incentive to take on the challenge of controlling his addiction.
Please keep posting and read other posts in the F&F forum – it takes time for F&F to realise that they have to change too.
I will leave this reply with my favourite quote
You may never know what results come from your actions but if you do nothing there will be no results – Mahatma Gandi
Velvet30 October 2016 at 8:11 pm #5095Jds1999Participant
I dont think he is gambling anymore. All my family on his side now know of his addiction and if it ever came out again that he was gambling again then he really would push us all away for good. I have just realized lately just how much he is using me and has used me the last 7 years, he asked me for £100 nearly three weeks ago and I have been waiting for over a week now for pay back and nothing, I last text him on friday morning saying how I cannot lend him anymore money as it is causing a lot of stress for me and my girlfriend and I have had no reply. It is the first time in 7 years I have said I will not lend him any more so will be interesting to see what he has to say about that.
I am just tired of me lending him money time and time again and every time he never pays me back on time and its too much hassle for me now and I don’t want anything to do with it anymore.
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