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    • #12811
      marklgw
      Participant

      Hello everyone.. My name is Mark and gambling has ruled/destroyed my life for the last 29 years & that’s a large wedge of it considering I’m only 38. For me it all started on a Sunday afternoon when I was given a pound & drawn to the bright lights, sounds & chance of the fruit machines !! As the years passed I discovered casino’s & whilst at Uni (and away from home) I found a warmth/buzz from the casino. The warmth and buzz were there as I walked into the casino, but rarely as I walked out, loosing what I would now decribe as “small change” in comparison to my losses upto a week ago !! After Uni & back at home I discovered Internet casino’s, how great to gamble at home, nobody knowing what I was doing, having a drink… What a great night out, & at 1st the wins were big & couldn’t believe the FREE MONEY I was winning, then the losses came, together with the chasing to win bigger. I then used GAMBLOCK & that certainly helped for a while, but then discovered that the betting shops had blackjack on their betting machines, this meant I could get my money without waiting for it to be refunded back onto my card (like the online casino’s). AGAIN I won
      at first & then chasing, then a few wins to suck me back in.. BUT Mr Coral always won & he never had to chase me because I returned ! This cycle has been going on and on, not only has this impacted on my
      life it’s impacted on my mum, I NEED, WANT & GOTO stop this disease/addition ruining my life, but my mum doesn’t deserve this in her life, I made a choice to gamble, she didn’t decide to have a son that gambles. I’ve tried many different mediums to try to stop… Hypnotherapy (didn’t work for me), contracts of promises, Gamblers Anonmyous (didn’t like the group environment, but extremely supportive & understanding). Through this website I discovered Breakeven (a counselling group for gamblers & their families) I had my first one to one yesterday & my counsellor was brilliant & the time disappeared. I really, really hope that this works for me !! I’m going to bore you all with my journal, as much as a help for me keeping my focuss & hoping that anyone can relate to it & perhaps share advice with me… Thanks for taking the time to read this, & if like me your embarking on ridding gambling from your life Stay focused, I’m looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.
      Mark x

    • #12812
      marklgw
      Participant

      Morning all…
      Been a week since my last post & lots has happened, not quite sure where to begin !! I’m still gambling free, although the want & need is there to give into this disease. The main reason is that my relationship has finally reached the end of its road & whilst I acknowledge its time to move on it still is giving me that empty good for noithing feeling, that gambling can help to make better in the short term at least. BUT that would allow me to give in to this aggressive disease & would permit me to think that my ex has made me fall deeper into a downward spiral, which can’t happen, cause as me all know it’s a slippery slope from then on in. All the in roads that I have made & the good work/time that the counsellor has spent with me would be for noithing.
      All your posts do really help & a common theme is “just for today” I need to embrace this not only for gambling but for other aspects of my life, as every day does really ***** & there is no point being unhappy when we are able to change & influence our direction.
      Thanks for listening. Mark x

    • #12813
      Anonymous
      Guest

      i love your thread, you know exactly what it is like and it has been the same for me in recovery. well done on not gambling, eventhough you have been tempted, you are doing mentally to overcome this. i had a slip on sunday after 13 weeks, like you said in one of your posts, there was void in me, that i think i have covered it this time, i have started to believe in a higher energy, you see i get bombarded on facebook by atheist posts, i have started to unlike them because they made me feel disconnected to life and hopeless, that is where the void set in. i know religion is not a cure all, actually don’t believe in religion as we know it, i think of it as imagination using scientific concepts. i have come to know throughout the years that i am not as smart and intelligent as i used to think. i am very naive and not good at maths, maybe that is why i lost touch with money so quickly, and i made the usual excuses to continue to gamble and be suicidal and just plainly think negative thoughts without being openminded, and i think that it was like a clog up in mys sytem, i was being to harsh on myself and strickt, i needed to forgive myself and let go, release all my stuck upedness. and just stop stressin. i like to be happy now. i learnt a new saying on another site, they say there, **** NO I WON’T GO, that is like we say here ODAAT, there was also this concept that we gamblers are just exchanging money between ourselves and the venue is just providing a means to do it, while taking a large chunk of that money. it gave me perspective, about what i was really doing there at the venues. a new freash way to look at it. because i knew that i was going to lose money when i went on sunday, the thing was i wanted to feel better. i was in emotional, mental, physical, spiritual pain, and i just went to what i thought was going to relieve the pain, what i realised after gambling is, yes it goes away for a while when you gamble, but after gambling, the stress is still there, the problems are still there, the pain is still there waiting for you after you have finished gambling. i need to work on spiritual awareness and growth, i have to learn to be openminded otherwise i am just a clogged up system which will lead to boredom and lonliness. i hope you make the right choice and stay gambling free, of course i am jealous when others say they have more gambling free days under their belt because i was having a good run before, of 13 weeks, i imagine i lasoo the gambling industry with the truth, i imagine i am throwing punches at them and regaining my power now. i want to knock em down for six. if we don’t gamble, guess what they will not have those temptations available for all, if we don’t gamble they would run out of business. so every man ******. we can knock em for six tomorrow. i will not fear the gambling mind, i will beat it and feel like a winner. when i fold my money, i mean i put it towards my savings, it adds up, it grows. we are doing this with a stride. with swagger.

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