[coffee44]

Good Morning,
I’ve decided to share that which I haven’t before- the real deal about my compulsive gambling and the pain and devastation it caused. I am done now (day 3).
From the beginning, VLT’s have caused me trouble. I have borrowed money from family/friends since 2009. Sure, I’d win some money and sometimes I’d win up to $1900 but it all went back and then some. Gambling for me meant negative checking account balances and even bankruptcy, lies and deceit all around. I am tired of it all. I took out over 5 payday loans, sold my wedding rings (I got them back), couldn’t go on business trips, bounced so many checks- it’s embarrassing to say, my dad took out a loan for me and I gambled that away.
There was also political crap going on with my work which was ugly and crazy making…making the casino a good place to hide. I attended treatment last year and gambled all through it. Lied.
This time last year or actually 2/18, I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer and was actually happy that something stopped the madness of gambling for me. I didn’t gamble as I have another fight on my hands. Everyone in my life was sooo supportive in everyway. I was happy not to be at the casino and life got better- despite my illness. Then when the coast cleared around July 11, I started back. Crazy- now I’m right back where I was a year ago.
Lost my job, but did secure another- although it is less in salary- it’s good for a peace of mind.
So where do I go from here? Honesty. When you’re committed to being honest and taking life one day at a time, you can’t gamble. My husband does suspect I’d relapsed and I told him that I no longer will lie to him. I do know as I have 20 years alcohol and drug free that life gets better a day at a time. I will not gamble today. I will keep the hope in my heart as my body doesn’t need stress hormones floating in my blood to cause a relapse in disease.
Although it is very hard, I must accept the tings I can’t change (the past) have the courage to change the things I can (choices made today) and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thanks for the opportunity to share with you today as I shall everyday. Life will get better and I shall soon sing songs of happiness and well-being.
 "when everything changes, change everything"

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