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  • #7543
    paul315
    Participant

    I joined this site yesterday (Aug 12th) and was hoping to start my postings announcing that I made it past my second day.   I can’t do that, today I ended up on one of my stupid binges.  So, the count down starts again.
    The rest of this post is mainly for my own acknowledging my problem.  It takes up more space then most post, but again, it is for me. 
    Below is my answers to the 20 questions to determine if you have a problem. 
                                              My Answers to Gamblers Anonymous’ Twenty Questions 
    1.  Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling?
              Yes, although I have not called in saying I couldn’t show up, I have taken off early
              to go to a special gambling event. 
     2.  Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
              Yes, even though I live alone I have made my own home life unhappy.
      3.  Did gambling affect your reputation?
              Yes, it has caused some family members to think less of me.
      4.  Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?
              Yes, but I tend to play down these feelings.
      5.  Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve
          financial difficulties?
              Yes, this is my reason for my uncontrolled gambling after I lose heavily during
              my so called "controlled" gambling.
      6.  Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
              Yes, the depressed state I get in drains all ambition to do other things.
      7.  After losing did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your
          losses?
              Yes, I also have to stay and continue with funds I don’t have to spare.
        8.  After a win did you have a strong urge to return and win more?
              Yes, winning does not satisfy me, most of the time I have to stay and
              gamble until all is gone.
       9.  Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone?
              Yes, sometimes I don’t even have enough change for coffee the next day.
      10.  Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?
              Yes, I have borrowed from by daughter and brother, I have also taken advances
              on my  credit cards.
     11.  Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?
               Yes, I have sold a few items on eBay to gain extra funds.
      12.  Were you reluctant to use "gambling money" for normal expenditures?
              Yes, I take from my living allotment regularly.
     13.  Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
              Yes, I cut my daughter’s child support short.
     14.  Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned?
              Yes, I completely lose track of time, I have even had to find alternative
              ways home after I miss the last bus.
     15.  Have you ever gambled to escape worry, trouble, boredom or loneliness?
              Yes, these are the only reasons that I gamble, at first it was enjoyment,
              but not it is an escape.
     16.  Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance
           gambling?
              Yes, I have started writing hot checks and I have delayed depositing money
              from sales at work.
      17.  Did gambling cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
              Yes, I lay awake trying to figure out a way to change my life.
      18.  Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?
              Yes, but the disappointments or frustrations of the gambling it’s self causes
              me to want to gamble more.
      19.  Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?
              This is the only question that I can answer "no" to, but only because I can’t think of
              any good fortune that I have experienced lately.
     20.  Have you ever considered self destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling?
             Yes, I don;t think that I have seriously considered it, but I have thought about it
             being a solution.
    I answered yes to more then the seven that seams to be the cut off, so I guess that I am a compulsive
    gambler in need of help. To tell the truth, I didn’t have to take the test to know.
     — 8/15/2009 2:00:34 AM: post edited by paul315.

    #7544
    vera
    Participant

    Nice to meet you in the chat room this evening Paul!
    I read your answers twice. You say you didn’t need to take the test to discover you are a Cg, but it sure helps your recovery to have attained this level of self awareness.
    Good luck in recovery. You are not alone!
    One day at a time!
     all the sevens

    #7545
    colin in brum
    Participant

    Hi Paul, as Vera says the questions really underline the problem.  They also show the progressiveness of it.  I know I answered yes to several things I wouldn’t have dreamed of answering yes to a few yrs previously.
    You have given good honest answers. Just take things a day at a time and use the support you have here.  You’ve answerd their questions maybe now is the time to get to a GA meeting as well.  Keep posting

    #7546
    britt
    Participant

    Hey Paul315, wow, your answers were powerful and brutally honest.  Question number 6 spoke to me, not the question but the answer.  That is the same way that I feel.  We must get better and we can do this.  Like Colin said, GA may be the answer for you.  I was skeptical at first but so far it has made a world of difference in my thinking.  Now mind you I have only been to two meetings.  My first excuse for not going is that there were no local meetings.  My closeset meeting is 60 miles away one way.  However I used to drive at least 150 miles one way to get to a casino.  I am determined to get better, so I will do the drive.  I wish you much success. Last gambled on August 9, 2009

    #7547
    stephen
    Participant

    Excellent, introspective post, and I think clearly and concisely reflects the self-abuse and self-destruction of gambling which is precisely why we need to focus on stopping gambling and doing whatever it takes and whatever works to stay in recovery…and it begins by making a full commitment to a successful recovery program…the program which works best for us as an individual…might be Gamblers Anonymous, might be our religious group, might be counceling of some kind, might be the Gordon House program, might be posting in recovery forums and/or gaining knowledge and information about this addiction…or it could be some or all of the above.
    There is no one size fits all to a successful recovery but there is one thing that is absolutely vital to success and that is to do something…recovery isn’t going to magically come to us…we must come to it…and the beauty of recovery is that it is always there waiting for us, ready to embrace us with all the wonderful things that recovery brings to our lives.
    When it comes to recovery, "Just do it!"
    YFIR,
    Steve

    #7548
    colin in brum
    Participant

    Hi Stephen, good advice and I have stolen it lol  Well actually I did give you the credit.  Ive quoted part of that on the "do something" thread.

    #7549
    pepe9494
    Participant

    hi paul just popped  on to say hi and thanks for all the help you have sent me.it really does help to get the support and advice form people who have gone thought the same.hope you are keeping well and will be in touch you take care  all the best mate   pepegods speed

    #7550
    paul315
    Participant

    August 12, 2014

    Today marks my being on the road of recovery for 5 years. The time I have spent traveling this road reminds me of the cliché “Recovery is not a destination, it is a journey”.

    My name is Larry, screen name Paul315, and I am a compulsive gambler in recovery. Even though I started recovery 5 years ago my last bet was October 17, 2012. I signed in today to let my friends here know that I am doing well and that I keep them in mind and in my prayers. I also still visit this site from time to time, I am just not active in the ways I was when I first joined.

    For anyone new here that may not know my story I will share the beginnings of my journey. Five years ago yesterday I was given notice that if I did not make payment on a series of bad checks that I would be prosecuted on felony charges. In search of some online legal advice I found that being in a ‘deprived state of mind’ and under the control of an addiction was a possible defense that could help in my situation. I searched out a source for online help with gambling so that I could show that I was taking action to correct my problem. I found this Gambling Therapy site and joined the group here on August 12, 2009. I felt so good that I found another way to get over while still denying that I really had a problem that I when out and celebrated. How does a CG celebrate, they gamble.

    I started out the day at one casino where I could still cash checks because they were not connected to a check cashing system and cashed an additional hot check. After loosing all that money I went to another casino where I still had a line of credit and used that up loosing all of it in my all night beige. Leaving that casino the following morning, the 13, and waiting on the platform of our Metro train station to head home I decided to just be involved in an ‘accident’ and step in front of the oncoming train and end my problem. At that moment I recalled that a lady had done the same thing a few weeks earlier, and survived turning herself into what is commonly referred to as a vegetable. I now see this sudden thought as an intervention of my Higher Power, in my case it was God speaking to me.

    I got on the train and headed home, once there I joined in on a open chat room of GT and learned about Gamblers Anonymous from a couple of fellow members, Colin and Ken. I found that there was a meeting a couple of blocks from my home, a building that I passed every time on my daily trips to and from the casinos. I joined GA on August 17, 2009 and have been going to meeting and working the 12 Steps every day since. Gambling Therapy, Gamblers Anonymous, and my God saved my life and put me back on the right road to restoring me to a more normal way of thinking and living.

    A more detailed outline of my transformation, the reason for my screed name Paul as Saint Paul was transformed to a better person from his former self, Saul, can be found in my earlier postings but this was just to show others, to let other humans know about my dealings with the nature of this disease, and to let other know that there is hope and a way for them to live and not just endure the pain, suffering, and consequences of addiction, existing on the edge of destruction not knowing the joys of living outside the controls of our addiction. To quote Kathryn’s closing line, “To live that would be a great adventure ~ Peter Pan”.

    In closing I thank each and every one connected with GT, its staff, members, and visitors, and the members of the Friends & Family Forum, for their support and help in my being able to think and act in ways more akin to being normal. I hesitate to mention any names, but you should know who you are when I send out a special thanks and special thoughts to you that became so dear.

    In closing I will use the remarks from Harry in many of his closings, advice when followed can keep us on track, “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. ~ Lao Tzu”

    Thanks to my Higher Power, my 3 G’s, God, GT, and GA, I am another day away from reliving day two of recovery.

    Larry

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