1 February 2022 at 7:50 pm #147804
The first post is really difficult to write because there is so much to say and so much to do. To keep it to the point, in a way that helps me, I’ll just talk about exactly what happened last few days.
1) I took gambling therapy (twice) to try to help me shed my daytrading obsession.
2) First time, I basically faked it and pretended I wasn’t gambling when I wasn’t. I wanted to avoid the problem, basically using it as a way to become a ‘better’ trader. That didn’t work.
3) Second time, I engaged with the counsellor properly and took her advice and guidance. I downloaded ‘Gamban’ on my phone which worked really well. I went approximately 100 days without trading. From early October to late Jan.
4) From mid Jan I started becoming obsessive again and looking at stock prices, crypto prices etc. and I eventually broke.
5) I deleted Gamban, became super-stressed and started trading again. I’ve lost £500 over the last week.
I HATE AND DESPISE THIS. I do not want to gamble. I HATE I went 100 days and now I feel like I’m back on square 1. I know people say I should tell people around me. It just doesn’t benefit. We don’t all live in a place of no-judgement. I know I need to get out of this. I hate it. I don’t ever want to trade again.
So here I am. Day 1. Today will be easy. I do not fear Day 1 or 10. I fear Day 100.
1 February 2022 at 7:50 pm #147837DuncKeymaster
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
2 February 2022 at 12:36 am #147846jvr3419Participant
Hi welcome to this site. I just wanted to touch base with you as someone who has had a bad relapse to. I was clean and sober from drugs and alcohol for 8 years when I fell into gambling addiction 2years ago. I’ve been around addiction my entire life and I’ve watched hundreds of people go in and out of there addictions or find other ones since I’ve been in recovery. I also took a course to be a mental health and addiction support work Years ago so I no alot about it lol. Anyways the point I’m trying to get to is relapse happens and believe me I never thought I could get hooked on something like gambling. I actually contemplated trading last year but stopped myself out of lack of knowledge. Instead I blew a shit ton of money on online slots. I totally get the shame,guilt and lost feeling that comes with it. My husband just left because he doesn’t trust me and it hurts but I needed that to open my eyes to what destruction I’ve caused. Sometimes we dont realize that even with a behavior addiction we harm others because we’re so stuck in our own little world of shit. All I can say is be patient with yourself I’ve beat myself up and still do at times but it really can’t change the past. We have to move forward and forgive ourselves and realize we’re just humans in pain that need some help and proper guidance. And of course healthy coping mechanisms in life. I hope that you keep writing on here you’ll help others sharing your story and help yourself to talking about what’s going on with people that understand.
4 February 2022 at 12:01 am #147959Cruising247Participant
Here I was sailing through the days, one day at a time, all the way up to day 75 or so gamble free.
I have no idea what made me go back, but when I did, I thought I would just take a few dollars and once I lost that, I would leave.
That’s not how the story ended, I started swiping the debit card, and swiping the debit card….
But I have decided I will get getting back up as long as I have breath in me. I did learn that I am still very compulsive, so the best thing for me is not to even walk through the doors.
Just stay as far away as possible.
The crazy part is after I messed up, because I had been posting every day on the forum, I more concerned that I had disappointed my followers on the forum.
6 February 2022 at 11:53 am #147857
Thank you so much for your warm welcome and kind words Dunc and JVR. Thank you for sharing your story and I’m so sorry to hear about your marital breakup JVR. I too am afraid of such a scenario, especially after this relapse. My wife is kind and understanding. She’s also incredibly good with money, frugal and responsible. I don’t want to pull her into this at all.
Day2 update – I did a check-in with the gamcare chatroom yesterday. I’ve made a pledge to myself to do a check-in every day whenever I’m free (not in meetings etc.).
Because of the nature of what I did, the debts take a day or 2 to come due while the money I get is instantaneous. Tomorrow, I’ll have £650 pulled from my account and I’ll have £550 to cover it, a net loss of £100. That’ll be the last of it. After that, I’ll basically have maybe £200 to last me to my next paycheque. If I was single, that’d be enough. Reality is I’m going to have to borrow money, probably from a friend to make it. And I hate having to do that. I think that’s what gets me the most about this. It affects others, and it affects my self-esteem and self-confidence.
Regarding trading and the knowledge needed to do it. As someone who’s ‘done it’ for 10 years. It’s still no better than gambling if we do it irresponsibly. Best way is to simply invest and leave it alone, that’s how people grow responsible pensions. Not buying here, selling there, losing it all. I don’t even want to think about the ‘what if’, of what i’ve done. That goes down a dark path. But yeah, here I am. Day 2 on the board.
7 February 2022 at 9:33 am #148154
For some reason, my last post took 4 days to moderate. As I intended to use this as a daily thread, I can’t really do that if there’s a 4-day gap between writing something and posting. Good luck all. I won’t be posting here anymore.
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