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  • #2970
    missmac86
    Participant

    I’m angry, sad and disappointed right now. My partner of three years relapsed and put a bet on yesterday after 9 months without a bet. He had been doing so well and has attended GA every week to help through it. I’ve been so proud has he has also made such an effort to help other gamblers through chairing the meetings and regularly giving advice to others outside of the meetings. I went out last night (first time in months) and he saw it as an opportunity to bet as he thought I wouldn’t find out- but I could tell from his mood this morning and he admitted it eventually. He is in typical gamblers mode- irritable, using excuses and turning it around to make out that I contributed to it ” I should have hid his money” etc. hence why I feel angry- it’s not my fault he gambles. Last time he bet- before he stopped and attended GA- I said it was the final straw and I would leave if it happened again because I don’t want a life of stress, deceit and financial issues, despite how much I love him. I can’t leave because I love him so much but I fear it may be the only way for him to realise how much he really is gambling. How can I help him back on the road to recovery without being too soft . I need him to know it’s not ok, and be supportive at the same time. How? I feel so lonely dealing with this.

    #2971
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Missmac

    I understand your anger, sadness and disappointment and I suspect that your partner is feeling all of those things as well.

    No it is not your fault your partner gambles but in his disappointment with himself he ‘may’ seek to blame everybody but himself but of course this is ‘old behaviour’ and therefore not acceptable. I am hoping that with his GA commitment he will hear that his behaviour is unacceptable and use this slip to make him stronger.

    You say you can’t leave because you love him. I would never suggest you leave or stay, all decision are yours but I think it is important to recognise that threatening, unless you fully intend to carry out your threat, can feed a gambling addiction because it is the master of threats.

    I don’t know if you have attended Gamanon or sought any support for yourself in the past but knowledge of the addiction will give you power over it.

    I think from this, your first post, that you have probably let your partner know that his behaviour is not ok. I cannot tell you what to do but if it was me I would turn him round smartly and tell him to get to his GA as quickly as possible because it is not just the loss of money that matters, it is his behaviour that is not acceptable to you.

    Unfortunately I have found your post when it is late in the UK but I will write again tomorrow.

    Please keep posting – you are on our radar now and we do care. I would not be writing this to you now if I did not know that this addiction can be controlled and wonderful lives lived as a result.

    Well done writing your first post

    Velvet

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