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  • #5205
    help101
    Participant

    Hi all
    I have been married to an addictive gambler for 17 years I think I always knew there was a problem but all his lies about always changing stopped me from confronting him .He has accepted he has a problem £100 000 later I’m just so scared that it’s all.lies again .I’m so tired of people that he owes money to constantly coming to our home I have 4 kids and I feel like he has really cheated me and my kids out of having a life u can never make ends meet because of his lies and gambling I’m also so fed up of him constantly blaming his problems on everything else he has been to see our gp because me and his parents basically forced him too his been given medication hut everytime I ask him to call gamblers anonymous for advice or to go for one of there sessions he starts getting aggressive and says I’m bullying him what should I do I’m so scared that him saying his changing is all a lie when he goes into debt he gets quiet and says I’ll change the minute hus debts are paid he starts all over again this time I wa so angry I threw him out but took him back in a day later maybe I should let him feel what it would be like if he has no family to cme home to I only took him back because my youngest whose 4 was so upset.please can someone give me advice I have become so moody the last few days I don’t know what to do anymore

    #5206
    velvet
    Moderator

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    Hello Help

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #5207
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Help
    I understand you feeling moody but I suspect you are very aware that this will not change anything. I would imagine your husband’s addiction is affecting you 24 hours a day so what can you do that is different?
    What happens when people he owes money to come to the door – do you answer it and try and sort it out or do you tell them that it is your husband’s responsibility?
    Perhaps you could download the Gamblers Anonymous 20-questions which you will find on their web site. Leave it for your husband to read and maybe he will realise he really does have a problem but it can be treated. I don’t suggest handing it to him as he is successfully using anger as a way to manipulate you and I believe it is a waste of breath getting into an argument with him.
    Unfortunately there is no magic pill that a doctor can prescribe that will stop your husband gambling. If he is using depression as his reason for his addiction then it is quite possible that the depression is the result of his addiction and not the other way around. Constantly failing would make most people depressed and because your husband owns the addiction to gamble he will constantly fail if he gambles because that is the nature of the addiction. GA, GMA, our Helpline, our ‘CG only’ groups are all available to your husband and they are all anonymous. Maybe you could tell him that you have sought support for yourself – many CGs do not think that those around them need support because it is a very selfish addiction.
    The lies and dishonesty are his way of denying he has a problem to himself and those around him. It is the ‘gamble’ that excites him and the lies are a form of gambling, money is only the tool for him to gamble, not the reason.
    Blaming everybody else is to deny that he has a problem – if those around him are telling him the truth and he doesn’t want to hear it, he will perceive that they are to blame for his misery. It is only in a true recovery that a CG accepts honesty. True recoveries are possible and it is only because I know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled that I am writing to you now.
    Do you have the means to save money in your own name to protect you and your children? How has he cleared his debts before?
    Please keep posting and please use the F&F group on Tuesdays between 20.00 – 21.00 hours UK time. Nothing said in the group appears on the forum and you are completely safe. It is good to communicate in real time.
    Speak soon
    Velvet

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