[dianne]

I’m a compulsive gambler.  I have been in recovery for about 4 years now.  I have had some success but I have not stopped playing the pokies totally.  I’m here again to make yet another commitment of giving up my poison or else I am going to be in financial trouble again.  I had a gambling session the last couple of days which cost me about $2000.  I can tell I am heading out of control again.  I see a counselor but I don’t think it has helped me greatly, mind you I haven’t seen her in 3 weeks.  O.K I will ring on Monday and make an appointment.  God why can’t I just stop.  It’s 4.30 am here in Melbourne so I’m going to get some sleep and post in more detail later in the day.
Strength and courage
 

[dianne]

Hi Lizbeth, I have another problem now with this computer, my internet is so slow.  I’ll just battle on until I’m sick of it then I look into the problem.  I hate computers and everything that goes with them.  Still gamble free – ****** – nearly half way with paying my credit card off.  In the past I would have withdrawn more money on credit but I am petrified of going into heavy debt again.  I suppose I have come to realize that it will be too difficult for me to repay a large debt again. Not minding my grandson today.  A free day for me but I will not be gambling. Strength and courage

[dianne]

I didn’t gamble on Thursday but I gambled on Friday.  I feel shocking.  I only gambled what I had on me but that’s not the point.  I suppose it could have been worse.  The fact that I left and did not try and get that money back is positive.  Alright, I forgive myself.  No use crying over spilt milk.  Here I go again, this time I will try and make it to at least a month.  I could have gone shopping, I could have gone to my daughters, I could have rung the help line but I didn’t.  The urge got the better of me.  This will not be an excuse to stop posting and go back to recover my losses.  No, I can do this.  I will succeed.Strength and courage

[bettie]

Hey Diane,
good to come right back after a slip.
The only bet you need to avoid is the next one.
ODAAT!
Don’t worry about a month-this is about recovery not will power.
Just for today I will not gamble.
peace
bettie

[pp]

Hi Dianne, a fellow ****** hey.  The good thing is you have come straight back.  When i slip i stay out there untill the real damage is done.  Well done for getting back here.  Just start over and keep on doing that untill you get it, this time i am hoping i have.
 

[dianne]

Thanks for your posts Bettie and Pp.  Yes I need to focus one day at a time.  I got through the weekend without any urges to go back and recover my losses.  The guilt and disappointment I felt is the same as the previous time when I lost a lot.  I have decided when I feel the urge to veggie in front of a poker machine, force myself to go shopping and buy something for myself or the grandkids.  I will try and prolong any action on my urges.  I feel confident again, my resolve is strong, I can do this.  
I gambled on Friday because 1.  I had the time.  2.  I had some money in my purse.  3.  I thought I was in control.
I didn’t go to win money.  I was only going to play $20 low credits, have a glass of wine, go home.  Dangerous thinking on my part.    Strength and courage

[Author]

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