Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #6485
    Molly_WI
    Participant
    #6486
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Molly
    Could you write a little more please – I would like to support you but your thread title doesn’t give me anything to go on.
    Velvet

    #6487
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hello Molly

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #6488
    Molly_WI
    Participant

    Hello All,

    Couldn’t find an actual GamAnon meeting to go to, but did attend one AlAnon meeting last week.

    Husband is attempting to quit gambling once again.

    This time, I have told him I cannot remain married to him if he keeps gambling (and smoking in the house, in the car, in front of me and our kids).

    I’m pretty confident he will fail once again. It’s been two weeks so far no gambling, but he has previously stopped for longer and gone right back.

    I insisted he see a therapist and an MD. So far he has only made an appointment with a psychologist he has yet to go. The EAP guy (employee assistance program) plans to meet with me and him and us together.

    He has previously been hospitalized twice in our marriage for nervous breakdowns in which he became paranoid and deeply deeply depressed.

    So, I’m sort of hoping at this point he will fail again, so I can follow through with a divorce. I wish I didn’t hope this, but I see no way of living with him into retirement if he can’t take care of himself. I’m tired of feeling like I’m his mother.

    He also rages in the house periodically, overreacting to stuff, snapping at the kids, etc.

    Right now he’s in the mode where he tries to be super nice and caring about me, which I know is his way of being sorry for all the crappy stuff he’s done and what he’s put us through. It won’t last.

    The major thing I’m worried about is how my finances will fare in a divorce, and how the heck we arrange to have two households and how do I see the kids off to school when I start work at 0600. (Kids are two teens girls and a preteen boy, so I suppose they are capable of getting to the bus stop on their own.)

    Pissed that if we divorce I will probably end up paying him because I have been the one working full time I have been the one putting away loads into the 403b and the HSA I have been the one paying the medical insurance, etc. He works part time but does all this other volunteer stuff after work that he’s not paid for it probably ends up to full time for him, but only paid maybe a third of my income. I feel like I’ve carried the load so long and now he will enjoy the benefit.

    Cannot see any other way but following through on my ultimatum to him—things have to change or we are done.

    #6489
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Molly
    How sad I felt when I saw that you wanted your husband to fail but I do understand – your course would be decided for you, however, if he did enter a true recovery from his addiction it would surely be a wonderful thing. There are true recoveries Molly and compulsive gamblers who enter them can be very special indeed. I hope it helps to know that he did not choose to be a compulsive gambler and he can be helped to live gamble-free.
    I know that your husband would have a greater chance of a successful recovery with your backing but I hear and fully understand your anger and resentment. I sincerely hope that whatever decision you come to will be the right one for you, your children and ultimately for your husband.
    Please post again and let me know how you are doing.
    My thoughts are with you
    Velvet

    #6490
    Tired to the Bone
    Participant

    My husband is a compulsive gambler anď it has come to the point were I am ready to give up on him and our marraige. I do not know what to do or who to talk to…

    #6491
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Tired to the Bone
    Please talk to me, I am here and ready to listen.
    To start you own thread, scroll to the bottom of the forum page and click on ‘New topic’, write your post in the box, scroll down and click ‘Save’. Your post will appear and I can give you the support you deserve.
    I can’t support you on the someone else’s thread but I do understand the dilemma you are in – sharing will almost certainly help you to clear a lot of the confusion from your mind.
    I hope to hear from you soon
    Velvet

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