Just want to introduce myself here. I have been in recovery from this ilness since Jan 2012. One false start and slip April/ May and back on the wagon. This year has been the worst of my life i was meant to get married three weeks ago but that was canceled (And rightly so). Gambling is my heroin i realise now that gambling is what i do when i am trying to self destruct. I have hurt my partner, family & friends through gambling. I feel so low right now. Myself and my partner broke up two weeks ago not because i was back gambling but because i gambled with her emotions and ultimatly pressed the wrong buttons. I consider myself a secretive gambler who lies to cover up the extent of my betting, hiding my losses. My partner said i am a parasite and she hates me. This is what gambling has done to me Its not about the money its about the thrust gone from our relationship that is worth more than money could replace.
I have learned though over the last two weeks that i can stand up to serious depression and not give in to it by having a bet, I have attended my meetings and spoken as honestly as i can and feel i am getting stronger every day. I hope my soul mate finds her way back to me as i miss her so much but she needs time to figure out whats best for her and the kids. I will use this time to become stronger & more honest.