17 October 2013 at 4:04 pm #2148DuncKeymaster
Ive had a look at your profile, your language is set at English. The developers have been working on your profile so the issue may have been sorted
Harry25 October 2013 at 1:50 pm #2149
Are things ok with you now?
It is a pity that your concerns with the new site have somewhat taken over from talking about your recovery.
I hope you are still giving your feelings freedom and that your husband gamble-free days are flourishing with his lovely Ell.
I hope to hear from you soon and even better to see you in a group.
V29 October 2013 at 3:25 pm #2150
Hello my dear and lovely velvet
I’m here, every day I read the site ,except from this weekend because we had a weekend here – national celebration that is why I haven’t answered I was with my daughter all the weekend.
Well my update:
I think you know the turtle????? . That is my cg and I. Our steps are almost like a turtle …slowly. Yes my dear velvet he is still gamble free and his commitment it is only his family and of course the debts.
He said that I’m a rock and that helped him so much to get his life normal again. He was thinking that after something so wrong he couldn’t succeed again. He is full of light now and he believes not that we can do it. …….. But that we are doing it. …
He told me that he was confused at the beginning … everything was a mountain in front of him and it helped him when I told him :
“”do you trust me??? if you do then follow me with no questions and the time to understand why some things happened or happens will come …just follow
The first priority was only not to gamble, not to have split in his recovery, the early recovery that you taught me velvet …and then the recovery starts…
Now after a year he said that he can understand why I was pushing him so much, not to stop the counseling when he thought that he is ok or why I was so direct with him all the time with not even a small break. Everything has a meaning I told him.
He told me that now he can understand how much he hurt me and he is so proud for me because I found the power to help him to save himself. He thinks that it is very difficult to find a way to help someone when you are hurt and that I was there for him to guide him.
I told him that you wanted to save yourself that is why you listen and you still listening. I told him that I believe that he is not mature yet and he needs time to feel that he can stands only in his legs … I told him that you wanted to listen so that worked with me , I was struggling but i was staying because I was seeing your improvement . If I was talking in a wall I think my love that we would be separate now…
And in that point he said to me: “”yes I know you so well my love…Because you cannot accept the same mistake for second time …I know you so well ….believe me””
We are together velvet. I’m trying every day to let my feelings free. The feelings are here but we need time. We have our hands together but I cannot be the wife that ok now we are all day hugs kisses sex and that’s it . I cannot do it that velvet sorry, I need more time. I know that I want him so much but I need time for all of this … We have nt got love life and now I can say that we have “something “. He is with me in this …and I am with him.
If he is in the right way I realize that I can do it …
As for me.. I think that im more calm now , im giving him some more trust in daily things , and of course im giving him the space to think how we can do the payments for the debts , what to pay fist what second and what day ?and he keeps the dates because he wants to be on time.
I feel velvet like a “teacher” and sometimes im tired but when I see his improvement something happens inside me and feel good again. Ups and down …
Now in November is our second anniversary at 10th and at 23 th of November my baby has her second birthday. Last year November was the worst month of my life …
This month I think that it will be easier ….I don’t need gifts ….i don’t need surprises I just need stability …nothing more than this …
Im a turtle …my steps are slowly , I sometimes feel guilty for this but I m trying to open and leave free again , but I know that a year with 365 days it is not enough , I /we need more.
There are days that I want cry and cry and cry , I want the pain to go away , sometimes the sentence “” needed time “” it is difficult for me , sometimes I becoming so impatient….and that is the time I struggle….
That is how my life is going …
I feel calmer, but I need time to re-open myself again, I need the pain and the fear to go away …. I need to come the time when I will feel that I want to burn all the pages of my story …because that time I will be totally free…
When he looks me in the eyes now he has his self confidence …I can feel it ……he thinks that he needs me in his recovery …but I know that he doesn’t any more ….he knows the rules of this game and he knows how he can win at the end …he just cannot believe that he did it …he thinks that I did it for him …
Ohhh sorry for the length I just saw what I wrote …
I’m taking big breaths and go on ….
I’m so happy to have so good friends in here.
With all my love
Ell29 October 2013 at 4:38 pm #2151adeleParticipant
Dear Dear Ell,
You have just written such a powerful post!
From the first day I found this site you captured my heart, amazed me with your ability to articulate your feelings so clearly in a foreign language (to you), and you opened my eyes so many times with the way you carefully consider (and many times struggle with) the knowledge and advice given by Velvet (and others) and then extract and embrace that which you feel will move you forward in your recovery.
You are truly an inspiration to me Ell and I am so pleased with (and encouraged by) your progress for you and your family. I admire you for appreciating the positive changes in you and your husband while understanding that more time is needed to get where you want to be.
This November is shaping up to be a much happier one for me too! Sincere congratulations on your anniversary (because I’m sure, like me, you weren’t certain you would make it), and a very Happy 2nd Birthday to sweet little Baby Ell!
Adele29 October 2013 at 5:50 pm #2152moniqueParticipant
I am glad to see that you are finding it easier to use the forum now and also happy to read such a great post from you.
I want to wish you a Very Happy November – the whole month and especially your anniversary and your little one’s birthday.
As Adele says, you are truly an inspiration and you deserve much joy.
Monique30 October 2013 at 10:47 am #2153
Adele thank you very much for your reply and your warm wishes.
I know that we are in a difficult situation but that is life Adele , life we don’t know what will bring us but on the other side the same life help us to find the power to stand up again and again and again .. You are doing so good adele and the counseling you are going too it will help you too .You now so much for the addiction now. You are in the right way and I love your kindness I admire it . Im so happy for you that November will be a nice month for you too and I hope for all of us peace in our lives.
My lovely Monique
When I see you in my thread I feel so so good because I remember my first day in here and you where here for me every time . You are in my prayers Monique . I hope that your son will feel that inside him has the power to stop and change some things in his life. You are a rock Monique and I wish you the best to you and your family .
With all my love to all ell1 November 2013 at 11:53 am #2154
hello all my good friends
after my update i wrote 2 days ago and the warm answers i had…i would like to share something good for me …
6 months now i try to take a huge huge huge project here in my country …..and yesterday the other company call us and told us that they want to do the project with us …and they will sign with us . I hope it will happen !!!!!!!
i have a big smile on my face but i want the signatures to be safe . My cg is the most imprortant person for this project without him things would be difficult …he is so happy . …
my wish is that they will sign …..
i wanted to share with all you my friends
with all my love ell1 November 2013 at 12:52 pm #2155
It is my wish that they sign too. Both of you deserve reward for all the hard work you have put into your business.
Without your CG the project would have been more difficult, without his Ell your CG would have been struggling to raise his head with dignity. This position you have found yourselves in has taken two of you and I thank you for sharing it with us.
Please let us know as soon as the signatures are safe so I can breathe out.
V1 November 2013 at 1:20 pm #2156
Thank you my dear velvet very much and monique for your warm wishes.
As i wrote to you v i m a turtle in my relationship with my cg …but thanks god we are not in the jobs .
velvet i hope that you read my answer to you with the update when you asked me , hope that you saw it ???
thank you very muchhhhhhh1 November 2013 at 1:54 pm #2157moniqueParticipant
That is good news indeed. My very good wishes to you and your husband in your work life and on a personal level.
Monique1 November 2013 at 2:27 pm #2158DuncKeymaster
It all sounds so exciting, everything is looking rosy and I like the others I congratulate you on your forthcoming project.
Ell, I have to ask and I’m truly sorry if you feel I’m putting a dampener on this. You wrote taking on a “Huge Huge Huge Project” you didn’t mention money but with most projects the rewards are going to be financial & the project being huge may carry unknown stresses.
It sounds like your CG is doing great as are you, but is this the first real chance for him to prove he has the ability to see this through, is this the first test of potential stress he may have seen for a while … is this the first project that may make a financial difference to you both
Ell i must reiterate I’m by no means trying to bring you down, I’m just being practical. A gambler in recovery will be learning new coping skills every day, but some skills we only learn when something new happens and in your words when something “Huge” comes along
It sounds very much like your husband is the key to this project, is that going to increase his stress levels, are their financial rewards that may be too much for him to handle this quick after leaving rehab,… have you talked about how this project may affect him and how his addiction is still there; all be it suppressed. Have you looked at ways of securing the situation financially and ways of him relieving his stress in a positive manner.
Ell I’m so pleased for you both, but if I didn’t voice my concerns, then I’d be doing you an injustice
Harry1 November 2013 at 2:28 pm #2159
a1 November 2013 at 4:21 pm #2160
Thank you very much for your post on my thread. You don’t imagine how much I appreciate your concerns. Thank you again and again.
That project is not something new for my cg s life. He is always works on similar projects here in our country and abroad and for very famous brands.
The deference is that now the project belongs to one of my own businesses. That is nothing to do with him .No money in his pocket. We will all work for this but money the company will see after 2 years, so nothing change in his life. It is a project a sale that made by my business. He will be the developer in something with no no stress for him. He will be a key for this project(because I don’t want to hire someone else and pay- we have crises in here ) but it is nothing difficult for him .He is doing it every day for the company which works . The difference now is that he will do it for his wife s company. He has already fixed it so many times.
He will not see money in his pocket , and it is not something strange to him .No stress for him . The stress is on me because a project is not just the developer job it is much much more for a client to be happy. He is doing it every day for the company which works. The difference now is that he will do it for his wife company.
The project yes is huge but the money is something that will come on future and because here in my country we have crises it will be oxygen for the company to survive , not money to be rich in our personal lives .
For my company this project is huge . For another company maybe is nothing for me is huge .
Harry thank you very very much much for your post .
Im learning so much from you.
With all my love ell1 November 2013 at 4:40 pm #2161
Hello my dear velvet ,
I hope that you read my update on 29/10/2013 .
If you can read it and tell me if you suggest something more ??? Your opinion is very important for me.
Sorry for asking it I know that your time is precious but if you can I would be grateful .
With all my love ell1 November 2013 at 10:25 pm #2162
I have always time for you. I will reply over the weekend.
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