26 May 2015 at 5:37 pm #30547
Hello everyone. …I am a 50 year old woman that you think would know better. ..but I am in the grips, well and truly, with this devil of a disease. …I don’t know what to do with myself. ..I know what I’d like to do and also know it’s what I can’t do.
I am in debt up to my neck. …about to have my house repossessed. ..etc., etc….and still I take chances with whatever money I can find. ..With total disregard for myself or my house or my grown up children.
I wish I could take my brain out of my skull. …wash this gambling thing out of it. …put it back in my head and return to who I was.
I don’t know who I am anymore. …I’m consumed with this fungus that’s not only destroyed me. …but is now finally choking me to death.
My first memory of gambling was when I was about ten or eleven at an arcade on a holiday resort. . After that it was being dragged to the local bingo. …and then for years nothing.
But four or five years ago something catastrophic happened and I’ve never dealt with it properly. .. really. …and somehow I discovered online bingo. …which quickly led to online slots. …I remember being horrified at myself when I first lost sixty quid. .
Sixty quid? ! If only that sixty quid had done the trick and the sick feeling I had then remained with me forever. …
But it didn’t. ….and soon sixty quid turned into 600….and. ..well you know the rest.
Now, not only am I addicted to the trance like state those slots put me into. …but I never withdraw any winnings and am not satisfied unless I’ve lost the lot and have that gut wrenching feeling of hatred for myself and want to puke it right out of me. Hot and cold sweats that I get. ..not to mention palpitations when the balance starts to dwindle and I’ve got no more to gamble with. …
I can’t take anymore. …I lost heavily at the weekend and of course I know I’ll win big when I go back on. …I always do after heavy losses….but then I’ll go through all that and more. …and yet I’m terrified of closing the one and only account I have left open. ..
I suppose I think they owe me money. …which they do. …but I’ll never get.
I’ve already managed to do my wages for the month. …so another month ahead of poverty.
I’ve lost loads of weight because I don’t eat properly. …
I’m so scared that this will never go away. ..
26 May 2015 at 9:04 pm #30548velvetModerator
Hello Andrea and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties youre currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if youre new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. Were in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like youre not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
Im going to hand you over to our community because Im sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
26 May 2015 at 9:47 pm #30549AnonymousGuest
Hi Andrea, I am just a few years younger than you, but I can identify with everything you have said. It’s truly a terrible addiction which will take take the roof from over our heads.
First thing Andrea – you need advice fast. Maybe u could contact a debt charity?step change perhaps?
Actually first should have been well done for posting! You are on your way.. U will get lots of support on here. Today is the start of the rest of your life!
26 May 2015 at 10:03 pm #30550jennaraye88Participant
Hi Andrea – just like happy I can also relate to your story. So similar to mine – started with a few quid on bingo and ended up losing my life to slots.
I’m on day 2 of recovery and still very much feeling the hangover of my actions.
Seek professional help for this wretched disease – we cannot do it alone. You have made the first huge step by posting here and will receive support from many others who are or have been exactly where you are now.
First thing to do is vow to not feed the illness any more: put blocks in place so you can’t go back there – then you can look at how to cope with moving forward from this. You can do it – there are many people on here who are living proof.
Stay strong and keep your head up, sending you love x
27 May 2015 at 11:41 am #30551
Thanks for your messages of support. …yesterday I decided that enough was enough. …just cannot cope. …so I came on here. ..and spoke to Harry. ..which helped me through the day. …
Last night my new found enthusiasm dwindled and I spent the last ten quid on slots. …and that was it.
I then decided I’d come clean with the on/off boyfriend. …I’m too old for a “boyfriend” I know ….but don’t like the word “partner”!! Anyway. ..I’d already borrowed and lost a thousand pounds from him. …so I thought it best to confess.
We’ve been seeing each other on and off for over a year. ..and I always thought there was something “missing” in our relationship and that he was still in love with his ex. I now realise that what was missing was me. ….I was /am in love with slots….
Anyway, I told him. ….It took a lot of courage. …apart from him being really disappointed in me not using the money to get out of the mess (well. ..a tiny bit of it! )….He hugged me and said it would be solvable. …
I said I’m not so sure. .But I’m going to try.
And yet. …I’m sitting here writing this knowing full well that if there was any money left in my account. ..I’d be beyond tempted to lose it. …because that’s what I only ever do.
I’m sure those slots have hypnotic powers…..
27 May 2015 at 11:53 am #30552
Hi. ..Thank you for your kind comments. …I already am in a debt management plan. …but since then I’ve borrowed more and more. …it’s a never ending cycle. ….I hate it and myself for being lured in and trapped like this. ….
27 May 2015 at 11:59 am #30553
Hi. ..Jen …Thank you so much for your message. …it’s also such a lonely disease. …and secretive and horrible and everything else.
I don’t know who the hell I’ve turned into. …I’m a liar and a manipulator and a thief basically.
These are not my personality traits. ..my brain has been invaded by this alien disease. …never in a million years would I eve have thought I’d be capable of some of the things that I have done over the last four or five years. ….
27 May 2015 at 12:43 pm #30554DuncKeymaster
sorry you seem to have disappeared from the helpline… I’ve a group starting in 20 mins, why not attempt to join me in there
27 May 2015 at 2:52 pm #30555
Tonight I’ve been invited to Mr on/off’s house for dinner, corned beef hash..and no doubt further discussion. …which is just as well as the cupboards are bare in this house due to all my money going on slots. The one slot I haven’t been putting anything into lately is my own mouth!
I’ve decided that I’m going to ask him to be my financial controller. He could say yes. …He could say no. …He could say plenty. …or he could just agree. …my fear is that once the enormity of it all sinks in. ..He could do a runner. ….if I saw myself approaching I’d run too…To another country (if I could afford my passport renewal fee)….never mind anything else.
I am still so ashamed and disappointed with myself…..I’ve done thousands and thousands. …
Haven’t had a holiday for years and this disease and all the stress it’s causing me has put years on me. ..
I used to be “such good fun”….now I’m basically a recluse. …I’ve fallen out with everyone. …I think I do it on purpose just to hurt myself. …These people don’t need a constantly broke friend in their lives. ..
Always having to say I can’t afford this. …and I can’t afford that. ..
I’ve even cashed in the jar of coppers.
The garden’s a jungle. …The house looks decrepit. …
Good luck to the new owners when it gets repossessed.
27 May 2015 at 3:58 pm #30556
Thanks for posting here. I’m in my fifties and none the wiser for it ! We all have including me, taken the same journey. I relate to everything you’ve said and couldn’t stop, control myself or let go. I do online slots too which really got me addicted BIG time and for the past few months have been gambling more and more of my salary.
I also had a ‘boyfriend’ at my age (don’t like the term partner either) for 6 years who couldn’t work out why I had a good job but was always broke. Like you I had to come clean when he picked up on my emotional change, particularly when I lost and I needed his financial support.
I had to move out of my rented property twice to move in with him and eventually he had enough of me and told me to leave, knowing full well I had nowhere to go and would never tell my family, probably to let me know how serious he was and teach me a lesson cos he still tries to contact me. I confessed my addiction to my sister as this all happened when my sister and her husband visited to attend my graduation for my Master’s degree (managed to get that eventually ) to show him I will go this time and moved in with my sister. I’ve managed to move out only own again with new inspiration and determination but it went even worst this time.
In March I gambled ALL my salary AND bonus I received after getting up at 1am to check if it was in my bank and gambled it all away before the end of the month ! But when the torture, remorse, guilt and depression second to none subsided and was a distant memory, I took to it again in April with my salary and did the same AGAIN ! I cannot learn ! This vice has got the better of me and plays havoc with my mind with this demons whispering and tempting me with tantalising images and thoughts of the pretty illusions of winning ‘this time’ and ‘cashing out when I win’ etc…..been there, seen it, done it !
I’ve applied to check into GMA of residential treatment as I cannot help myself and need to get my brain washed out from gambling like you and was accepted. I go in 2 weeks time. I’ve been gamble free for 11 days only because I have no money to gamble. My biggest fear was payday this month when the real test came. I was convinced myself I was fine but like an idiot played the slots in ‘practice mode’ without real money the last few nights till 4 am ! How sick is that ?
I knew my head is not right but still would not shut the last door and go the route of self excluding. I’d made up my mind that I would pay my bills as soon as my salary came in to play it safe. The community kept asking me what I was doing to put barriers in place to secure my salary but I felt that my decision to pay my bills immediately would work. I would never give someone else the control of my finances.
But tomorrow is payday. I did a posting on my journal and received a post from Vera asking why I don’t just self exclude when I’m broke before my salary hits the bank. Vera related how she had self excluded for LIFE ! But the telling message from her post that hit me between the eyes was this :
“You KNOW you will never withdraw money no matter how many wins you get.
You KNOW you will never really win because you are a CG.
You KNOW it’s all a hoax.
So why waste another minute of your precious time torturing yourself and throwing away your hard earned money!
It’s all one big illusion.
Every word I write to you, I also address to myself.
We have given the fatcats ENOUGH!”
It suddenly became a revelation to me. I’ll never get me money back even though I felt they owed it to me and I had to chase my losses. The only WIN I’ll have is by NOT gambling. I was under the gambling spell and needed to breakout and become me and again and learn to actually like myself again.
I immediately without thinking for the thought to pass, went online and self excluded for LIFE early hours of this morning. I cannot tell you the relief, the weight of my shoulders ! I even dreamt which I haven’t done since gambling and feel set free. It is a liberating feeling where you feel YOU are back in control. I’m not recovered by a long shot but I know my head is in the right place and I am going into GMA with the right focus to turn my life around for good and not suffer and be a loser in more ways than one ( not just money, personality, social life etc) for the next decade and the rest of my life !
I would strongly urge you to just shut down that last avenue and backdoor. It will change your life and get you somewhere this month. There is no other way Andrea. We have to admit defeat to truly win our lives and money back.
Be strong, keep posting even when you fail. The community is wonderful with their love and support on here to eventually help us to get to a place to help ourselves.
27 May 2015 at 4:30 pm #30557
Hi Lauren. …thanks for taking the time to write all the above. …I have applied for residential and have telephone interview tomorrow. ….I am hoping I am accepted as I fear and dread the future without some serious help. …In fact. …without help I haven’t got a future. …I want my life back. …
I want to have the ability to go to the local shop and buy something to eat without having to scrape around for pennies first.
I’ve also shoplifted food last month. …
I am utterly disgusted with myself. …but if I am not picked up and put through a wash cycle soon. …I fear I’ll be living in the laundry basket forever. …
I don’t even raise the blinds in this house so no one can see in. .. (and see whatever is left. …that I haven’t already sold)…
This is no way to live. …
I have closed numerous accounts before. …but then just opened new ones. ….
Then the devil tells me that because I’m new I will have to play for quite a while before I win. ….that makes it worse.
So I go back again to the old one. …to get what they owe me.
In fact in end up giving them both more money. ..
Then I fear I can’t close either because one of them is going to pay out soon. ….
I am physically and mentally ill over this.
There’s been days when I can’t afford the petrol to work. ..
And seeing as I only got paid on 25th and I’ve already done my wages. …I can’t afford to go to work for the next four werks….so Im off sick. .
I just want to be me again before I got infested with this rampaging torture. ..I’ve truly lost my own mind.
The upshot. …I’m down to eight stone. ..my cupboards are bare. .my clothes don’t fit….couldn’t tell you the last time I got my hair done. .look like a tramp and probably soon will be. It’s a picture of total neglect. …
And I too have a good job. …
I am an intelligent woman whose brain has been taken over.
I’m a stupid one to have allowed it to happen.
27 May 2015 at 5:50 pm #30558jennaraye88Participant
Hi Lauren – you are not stupid at all, none of us are! This gambling addiction does not care how old/young you are, what colour you are, whether you’re a great worker or not, if you have a family or not etc. etc. it will attack anyone it can and will hold on relentlessly until we find the strength from somewhere deep down to shake it off!
I’m only just coming to the end of day 3 clean, and whilst I am still utterly devastated at what I have done, I am also learning a lot about who I really am and I cant wait to be that person again.
This disease makes us all do terrible things, I have lied, cheated and stolen from my own family. It’s something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and never truly understand why I did it.
Please just look deep inside at the person you know you really are, focus all your energy on being everything you want to be when being a CG no longer controls you. You can do it, we all can – there’s lots of living proof on this site.
Sending you love and strength x
28 May 2015 at 7:14 am #30559
Ok…so yesterday I didn’t do any spinning of online slots. …because I have no money left anyway. In a day or two they will text me with free credits ….They always do…. .to lure me back in. ….what will happen then I wonder. ….still haven’t managed to close that one account….it’s the one I blew all my wages for the month on. I’ve already had a text every day since offering me deposit match bonuses. ….generally if I ignore them (through lack of funds usually) ….They will give me free credits.
I went round Mr On/Off’s house last night and he fed me. …Thank God. …I was starving.
We had more discussions and although I heavily hinted that I needed a financial controller. …He didn’t offer and I didn’t ask outright.
My house is due to be repossessed in a week or so. . What he did say last night was he’d pay my arrears directly. …if I give him the details today. ….as he will not be putting money in my bank account. ….can see where he’s coming from. I already blew a thousand pounds of his the last time.
Of course. …what will happen is they’ll probably say that the payments must be made from a card registered to this address…like they did the last time. And I’ll be back to square one.
I am glad I told him though. …I’ve always come across as a funny independent successful person. …standing in front of him last night I felt like a vulnerable child. This he could see….and made him quite protective. …a side to himI have either never seen or just been blind to, as my thoughts always went to my losses or how soon I could get rid of him so I could retreat into my world of slots and try to win it back. …which did happen. … but I never withdrew.
Anyway. …..I came back to my house early this morning. There’s a pile of bills (unopened) which I cannot begin to even look at. ..
I looked around and realised that the house is almost empty anyway. …I’ve sold everything of any value.
And I mean everything.
And still I’m thinking. …if there was money in my account right now. …would I be here writing this. ..or doing the usual.
I fear I’d be doing the usual. …With scant regard for the mess I’m in.
However. .. I’m so glad I can come here and at least spew out a few feelings and thoughts that other people can identify with.
28 May 2015 at 10:28 am #30560
You self worth has been stripped from you as it has for me.
You have the intelligence and tenacity to beat this while you’re down. Don’t allow this to continue. Please self exclude from both sites. It’s not worth it. How much more or low do you want to go before you make that decision ?
It’s not easy, Andrea, believe me I struggled for years and refused to shut that door till now. After all that is where my money was and the only way I could get back up. But when you’re as far gone as we are, it doesn’t come back anymore. When it does, we play it write back and never cashout.
I was like you. A recluse, kept my blinds closed and had to call in sick because I had no money to get to work. But in fact we are sick, that is no lie. I squandered my salary every month. My salary has just come in today and for the first time, I’ve paid almost all my bills with the biggest chunk on my company card for fear of losing my job. I haven’t got much left but boy am I happy it is for good reason and not because I gambled it away and ended up with that sick nauseating feeling.
I am so glad that you have made that step to apply for residential care. I had my telephone interview end of March when I gambled all my money away and continued to do so and I received a call last week to say I’m booked in for June.
It is the best decision you have done. I’ll pray that you get in. They don’t get back to you for quite a few weeks after your interview and then only to say you’re on the waiting list. Well that is how it was for me. I so wish you could get in sooner with the session in June.
I am glad you’re here and you’re still posting.
Keep posting Andrea. This is your journal to yourself to write and say how you feeling and check in with yourself.
Please try speaking out loud in the mirror that you are kind, you are loving, you are smart, you are intelligent, you are blessed and you are loved. You need to tell that other person, this is you and let you brain now too, to connect you to the real you.
Your boyfriend will show he cares and try to help without feeling used and funding your addiction. You’re blessed to have him there even if you not really connected because your other person will never connect with anyone. My ex-boyfriend was the same. He helped me out and a showed protective side I never knew but didn’t want to be taken to fund my addiction.
DO IT NOW, Andrea while you’re broke. Forget about the free credits. It does’t compare or is anywhere near to what you lost.
They’re just keeping you in that cycle. They’re playing with your mind. They are skilled at taking you out and still getting money out of you. Break that spell.
You will feel a weigh off your shoulders and and immense relief to finally let go and be free. It really does make one feel different amidst the turmoil.
I’ll keep praying for you to get there.
Think about you and look around where this has taken this beautiful, smart, intelligent lady. You deserve more. Do it for you.
Be strong. Stay focused.
28 May 2015 at 10:28 am #30561
Well. …that didn’t last long.
I decided to self exclude myself from the site that’s robbed me of my life. …when that thing in my head said claim your loyalty points first. ….so I did. ..
Then I spun it away.
Couldn’t deposit anymore as have no money.
The thing is. …This drove me, against all my willpower to want to play. …and had I had money it would have been gone.
Account still not closed …..
28 May 2015 at 10:41 am #30562
Thanks Lauren. …your words choked me up. ..brought a lump to my throat. I think our posts crossed each other. …
You were telling me. …and I was telling myself. …to close that account.
And the devil won. …it’s still open
I’m going to do it now. …
28 May 2015 at 10:48 am #30563mickyParticipant
Hi Andrea like all of the above C.G’S can relate to what your going through right now. I also started in the arcades when i was about 8 or 9 years old and i’m 51 . My wages are blown yet again and i am off on the sick . Unfortunately there is no quick fix or magic to make everything better right away. My advice is to get as much help as you can and see where it takes you also plan your payday because that is a major trigger like me for you. M.
28 May 2015 at 10:57 am #30564
I’m praying for you to get there.
You’ll play those credits and even if you had money, you’ll only get the same results.
Talk to yourself. Your real mind knows what is right for you and that you MUST close that account. Stop listing to that devil on your shoulder. He is only telling you the same lies he told us and trying to deceive you in to staying and being self destructive. He doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t like you and he wants to damage you. Don’t believe a word of those trappings. It’s all lies, lies, lies and more lies and deceit. Let go and you make that right choice.
28 May 2015 at 11:16 am #30565
Thank you both. …I closed the account just now. …..that’s not to say I self excluded. . .
The first chap wanted to review my account after I told him I wanted to close it. But then he got cut off.
Which in a way was a blessing. …
Because the second person was a right snotty woman. .. (for want of a better phrase )….and closed it immediately. ..With the words “Your Account is now closed”…
No thanks for being a loyal customer and giving them my life then! !
Not that I expected it obviously. ..from those callous people.
Today’s other problem is I have a company car and it’s filthy due to my neglectful behaviour. It’s due to go back for a service. …if I don’t get it cleaned they’re going to charge me an absolute fortune. ….and I can’t afford it now. …
You could say do it yourself. …
I could say I would if I knew how to get a car back to showroom condition.
Or maybe I’m just lazy. …
These small things I’ve been putting on the back burner for so long have now turned into insurmountable issues.
I’ve even played slots at work. …and when time to go home if I’ve been on a “winning streak”….I’ve continued to play whilst driving home! !
Had it in my head that if I logged out and in again my streak would be gone!
Have you ever heard anything so obsessive in your life? !!!
The more I write and confess on here the more I realise how badly invaded my brain is. …
28 May 2015 at 11:22 am #30566
Thank you Micky. ….you’re right. …payday is going to be a disaster for me ….I need to sort someone to help with that.
I’m off sick too at the moment. ..apart from the fact I am really in no fit mental state to go anyway. ….petrol is an issue….what a state to be in at this stage of my life!
28 May 2015 at 11:46 am #30567veraParticipant
“What will happen then, I wonder?” you asked, Andrea. Then you answered your own question by mentioning that you lost your salary to the Site last month.
What will have changed on that Site this month? Or next month or next year?
Very little as far as a CG is concerned, because even if we do see through their coercive bribes and free spins and bonuses, we still dip into our own money as soon as the bonus runs out. The Planners of these Sites know us better than we know ourselves, Andrea. They have the game studied to a fine art. They are not running a Charity. They are out for your last shilling and if they take your soul along with it, do you think they will care two hoots? No! , when you and I are on skid row, some other unfortunate victim will cough up. The truth is There are NO FREE BEES in this game and a CG NEVER WINS!!
Nice of your B/F to feed you Andrea but to be honest I wouldn’t allow him to bail me out if I were in your shoes.
Keep your Pride and your Dignity . CGs give a lot away and we find it harder to regain these valuables than to restore lost money. There are other ways to resolve debt. In vulnerable moments it can be difficult to discern the difference between help and enablement.
I’m not judging you at all Andrea. It’s just that I’ve been up a few blind alleys and found myself compromised as a result.
Send an e mail to the Gambling Site saying you want to self exclude. They are bound under law to respond.
Do it before the salary hits your account then you will be FREE as a bird.
Empty your car. Hoover it thoroughly. Get a bowl of hot water and a strong cloth and give every bit of it a scrub. Then spray it with air freshner and you will save 50 qud.
They call it “valeting”!!
28 May 2015 at 1:56 pm #30568
Hi Vera. …thanks for your words. ..I agree with everything you say. . I know what the right thing to do is regards finances. ..but I do not want to lose my house …even though I’ve pretty much resigned myself to it.
To be brutally honest with you, Vera, the real real reason I won’t get out and do the car myself is because I have so many debt collectors and bailiffs after me. ..The last thing I want is to be caught on the street washing a car. …
29 May 2015 at 7:15 am #30569
I am consumed with thoughts of slots and spinning. ..and getting lost in them. To try and combat this I’ve down loaded some non gambling games to my phone such as Panda Pop of all things ….In the hope that they will distract my brain instead. It works to a point….until some voice tells me. ..”This is boring. ..there’s no money involved here”….so I lose interest. …then the temptation comes back. …but I’ve closed my account and have no money anyway. . Which is in a bizarre way a blessing.
So. ..anyway. ..go round the boyfriends house last night. He cooked me another dinner, which was sweet of him. And then we get onto the subject of money and what the bank have said about him paying my mortgage arrears so that I can save my house. Or he can. …more like. I told him that, as predicted, they told me payment must come from a card registered at my address. I asked them how silly will they look in court when it comes to light that they have refused to accept payment, so after much discussion she agreed that he could pay if we arranged a password and other security issues. So. ..I’m telling him all this. ..and he says “Ok. ..we’ll go do it now. …ring them up”… I said they close at 5.30. …The next thing you know he says. …
“If I transfer the money into your account will you promise me you’ll pay them first thing in the morning? ”
Well. ..from the bottom of my being I screeched like a woman possessed at him: “No!!!!! Do not give me any fkn money! !!!!!!!!!” (It came out with such force I think I frightened the life out of him! )
And yet the majority of me was already fighting back telling me to let him and secretly planning when I could play with it.
And this is my house we’re talking about. ..and the kindness of another human being. …there is no limit to how evil this other thing inside me is.
So. …After he’d recovered from my outburst. ..He said he’d ring them himself. Then I felt an overwhelming loss…..and secretly inside was sulking that he’d denied me my play time.
Because believe me. ….had that money gone in my account at eight o clock last night, it would be gone again by now.
I don’t think he’s fully grasped the severity of my illness.
I’m writing all this because when I read it back it scares me when I see what I’ve turned into. I can’t believe it’s me I’m writing about.
29 May 2015 at 7:48 am #30570AnonymousGuest
Hi Andrea, firstly, I am so glad to see you writing on here. It is payday for me .. Which means it might also be for you .
Please buy a gambling blocker like gamblock for all your Internet devices. Do this the second you pay hits your account… And you know what Andrea…. Then your pay is much safer because you can’t gamble it on those devices ever again.
When payday comes I always think I can’t afford a gambling blocker and then gamble ten times that amount!!
Your boyfriend sounds wonderful- just what you deserve . Imagine how wonderful it be when you both have your wages to spend. Unlike Vera, I could honestly say I would take money from anyone when I am in post gambling crisis, and especially from my partner in life!
I identify with so much you write about – the closed blinds , the “seen better days” house..
You will beat this Andrea!! Keep that pay safe!!!! Get those blockers!!
29 May 2015 at 8:03 am #30571
Hi Happy….thanks for your lovely message.
Unfortunately I don’t get paid for another 3-4 weeks as I blew this month’s wages in one fail swoop! So I’ve got a long way to go yet! !
The thing about the house is, I think losing it would be far more detrimental to me and there is no way I’d be able to concentrate on anything positive if I became homeless. So in my mind it’s the best option now that I’ve finally admitted my problem and am trying to do something about it.
I hope you are doing ok yourself. …I enjoy reading and writing here more than I ever thought I would. …perhaps I might become addicted to it! !
29 May 2015 at 3:05 pm #30572
Lauren. ..it’s looking like I will be seeing you after all in June. ..Amy just rung offering me a place! I am so pleased and finally can see a glimmer of light (still not opening the blinds though! )..
29 May 2015 at 3:22 pm #30573velvetModerator
I believe that you too are only just becoming fully aware of the severity of your addiction. Acceptance is hard but it is a big step towards control.
Your boyfriend cannot help but be further behind in understanding the severity of your addiction. Almost certainly he will never fully understand but it won’t matter as long as you are willing to help him.
The problem with non-CGs is that we want to help but usually we do everything wrong for all the right reasons. In ignorance we enable – for me it has been my CG’s understanding of his addiction, which he has shared with me, that has given me the ability to do the right thing. However, it would be too simple to suggest he found disclosing himself to me to be easy – it took time and a great deal of patience and trust on both sides.
You will not be able to trust your boyfriend to support you properly until he realises what enablement is – but of course in letting him in, you will close the door further on your addiction – an addiction that wants you to keep the door slightly ajar, just in case….. Be prepared for him to make mistakes but more importantly try not to blame him when he gets it right!
I often suggest that CGs ask the person most likely to enable them to pop into an F&F group on a Tuesday evening, but if this is not something you would like, maybe you could get some literature to help him understand – I am sure our Helpline would supply you with this.
I lived with the confusion of compulsive gambling in my life for 25 years and it was only in the final 2 that I had any knowledge of the addiction to gamble. Even then I struggled and in all honesty, I didn’t believe it. Gamanon saved me – but the biggest eye-opener was when we were invited into a GA meeting. All the things my CG had said to me were being said by others and the amazing things was that they didn’t have 2 heads, they were not arch-criminals, they were ordinary, articulate, intelligent good human beings – I was blown away. That is why I believe it is so good to talk to those who understand our individual experience.
I cannot tell you what to do but if you feel there is something special between you and this man in your life, I suggest you let him in as far as you can because regardless of what is often said, non-CGs are capable of great understanding when they are given direction and support.
If you accept your boyfriend’s help with your home it would give you the security you need to move forward but it is undoubtedly clearing your gambling debts. For his sake and yours, make it clear to him, that taking responsibility and clearing gambling debts is an important part of your recovery and that he is never to clear your gambling debts again
The right support is priceless; you need him to understand the importance of not enabling.
I am sure he will believe at the moment that your addiction is all to do with money – it takes a lot for non-CGs to realise that it is ‘the gamble’ itself that hurts you and your relationship. Without enablement the addiction is starved and that is something he can actively support you with.
I hope some of this helps but if there is anything I write that you don’t agree with or want to discuss further please just say.
I wish you well and I repeat that which I so often write – I would not be here writing to you if I did not ‘know’ that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and terrific lives lived as a result.
29 May 2015 at 3:24 pm #30574DuncKeymaster
I guess you had to leave the group to answer a call that is about to change you life
Stay strong & believe that you deserve a better life
29 May 2015 at 4:13 pm #30575
Hopefully you are dead right and I get my life back. I cannot stress how grateful I am to have this opportunity and will do my utmost to ensure it works.
Thank you for taking the time to talk to me when I first came on this site. The helping hand and wise words have kept me going.
Velvet. …Thank you for taking the time to write all that you did above. What an understanding person you are. You are right when you say that I too am realising the severity of it now. ..when you look in the mirror and don’t recognise what,not who, is looking back at you. …when you can’t afford to feed yourself or go to work ….when you haven’t had your hair done for months on end….when you have sold just about everything. And your heath starts to suffer. ..You realise, like I am now, that severity has now become rock bottom. Friends have dropped like flies. Family. …well that’s another story.
My whole life is consumed with this thing and the consequences thereof. ..It just has to stop!
Your husband/partner is a very lucky man.
What’s luck? !!! It’s not gambling. …that’s for sure!!
I appreciate you both writing to me and I’m praying with all my v heart that this is the beginning of the end of this torture in my life.
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