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  • #6244
    Loopy 1
    Participant

    I have had 6 years of my son gambling . I have bailed him out so many times . I fall for all his promises. He emotionally abuses me . I had to kick him out , he now lives with his girlfriend, she is not aware how bad his addiction is. I don’t think it is my place to tell her . He blames me for everything. I just need to say NO , but it worries me what will happen to him. I am convinced he will either end up in prison or dead. He has been to counselling, it helped for a while. He has done all the self exclusions etc , but opens new accounts. And still goes into betting shops . I feel guilty , but to be honest I can’t offer anymore .

    #6245
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hello Loopy

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #6246
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Loopy
    Just a quick ‘well done’ on starting your thread. I wanted you to know that your words have been read – I will post to you asap.
    Velvet

    #6247
    Diamond82
    Participant

    I don’t know if my words well help in any way. I have been gambling too for about 6 years now. And like your son i have auto excluded myself, just started therapy and have passed my finances over to a family member. For me it is early days. I feel it’s impossible to stop gambling even though I read stories about being possible. I owe money to everyone and everywhere it will take me years to pay it all back. I have hurt and lied to my family so many times now that I know I am losing them. I know it’s my fault. My partner doesnt know anything about this. Like your son i have promise my family some many things so many times. It has come to a point where I have spent money for the bills to gamble. It’s such a bad addiction that me for example cannot control disappointing my family. It’s so hard I imagine being addicted to drugs is just the same. The rush, the lying, using money up, the irritating when can’t play. I know I am hurting my family. And I am trying to do all the right moves for recovery but deep down I am not very optimistic about it. I can’t talk for your son nor do I pretend to but having family near is the most important thing for me. He sounds lucky to have a nice supportive mum. It takes time. And a lot of support. I am in this road alone atm. Good luck and letting your son know you are there for him is very helpful even though it doesn’t show. This addiction is the worse thing that has happened in my life. I wish I could turn back time. And no, it isn’t your fault. I started gambling when I went down with depression. Maybe your son has a reason also. I feel identified with your son. And if my sister had to write something about me it probably would be something similar to your post. Never give up.

    #6248
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Loopy
    Your son does not want to take responsibility for his gambling ‘at the moment’ and that is why he blames you, he probably blames everybody but himself.
    Guilt is totally unnecessary. You are not to blame for your son’s addiction; neither you nor he asked for it or wanted it in your lives. At some point in his life he placed a bet for fun as man has been doing since time began – he couldn’t have know that, for him, this action would lead to addiction, if he had know he would never have placed that first bet.
    Diamond’s post to you is great but I know how hard it is to understand what giving the right support means. I fully understand your feeling that you cannot offer anymore and believe that this is often the turning point for those who love CGs. In my opinion, support is not clearing his debts or giving him cash; support is directing him to the help ‘when he wants it’; support is being there when he is ready to change; but most of all support is looking after yourself because If you are wiped out by his behaviour it will not help you or him. Your son does not want to bring you down – but his addiction will, if you allow it.
    I don’t think any parent of a CG does not become driven to distraction by thoughts of prison or death for their child when they are in the eye of the addiction storm. While I was losing sleep, as you are doing, the CG in my life told me that he would always have found a floor on which to sleep, someone to feed him and of course money to gamble. Whereas, you would stop doing something that meant you could go to prison, your son is blinkered and sees only ‘the gamble’ as being a means to an end. You cannot make him stop gambling – the choice to do so, is his.
    I cannot tell you what to do Loopy, I don’t have a crystal ball – but I do know that as long as a CG has enablement, the determination to face the addiction is harder. You are doing all the worrying and your son is carrying on regardless. To stop the cycle, I believe, someone has to say ‘no’.
    My favourite quote is by Mahatma Gandi ‘You may never know what results come from your actions but if you do nothing, there will be no results.
    Please keep posting and hopefully I will ‘see’ you again on Tuesday evening.
    Velvet

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