Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family Feel lost and don’t know what to do

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  • #4931
    Tiredwife
    Participant

    This is my first time on here so I’m not 100% sure on how it works but here goes. Basically my husband has been gambling for years now, he has gotten us into tons of debt. He finally admitted his problem about 8 months ago and started getting help but there where then instances of him taking money from the joint account and I had just had enough so I told him to leave. It was really tough as we have 2 children, aged 5 and 1 but he stayed with his mum for a few months and I was adamant this was the end. I missed him so much and was miserable and eventually after a lot of talking (and crying) we decided to give it another go. He promised me he wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardise our relationship and it was all going well for a while but lately there have been things creeping up where he forgotten he had owed someone money or a loan that he had forgotten about needs to be payed and I just feel like it’s never going to end. He always has an explanation for what he needs the money for but I just don’t trust him now, I always think he is lying to me. The last straw was this morning I woke up to find £15 missing from our daughters birthday money, he says his cousin came round and “reminded” him that he owed him money but that is just not acceptable taking his child’s money. We had an almighty row and I told him I’ve had enough but I just don’t know what to do, I still love him so much but I don’t know if our relationship is ever going to work, I don’t trust him. I’m terrified at the thought of being a single mum. Sorry for the essay, and advice or previous experiences would be appreciated.

    #4932
    Dunc
    Keymaster

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    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #4933
    Hope1
    Participant

    Tired and weary are feelings I recognise so much as the mother of a young CG. I have learnt that the only person who can help is the gambler himself. He needs to accept the problem and get the appropriate help. Be wary with the CG as they lie, they steal and they tell tales that they believe , in fact. They become deluded. My son got help and for a while did quite well, but he has relapsed again. My concern is will he ever be the son I knew or at least something like. I look for stories of success on here. I have found this site so helpful, and it has helped me to put things in perspective and keep my sanity, so you are definitely in the right place. Just make sure you protect you and your children, your husband like my son is a grown man, and they have to deal with the consequences of their action. My love goes out to you xxx

    #4934
    Tiredwife
    Participant

    Thanks for the reply, it does help a little I think to know that I’m not the only one going through this stuff. It’s just hard to know what to do for the best xx

    #4935
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi TW
    When you don’t know what to do, I believe, it is best to stand still, charge your batteries, learn about the thing that worries you, get support and then make an informed decision.
    You have made a great start towards your recovery, you have sought support where you will learn about your husband’s addiction and how to cope – and you have already found out you are not alone, so well done.
    Unfortunately promises count for little with an active addiction, it isn’t that the CG (compulsive gambler) doesn’t hope to mean what he/she says, it is that the goodwill disappears when the addiction is triggered again.
    I have a group starting in 30 mins or I would have a lot more to say. Maybe we will get to talk in the group, you will be very welcome. If not I will write to you again soon.
    Velvet

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