Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
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  • #6215
    Lilo0507
    Participant

    I was with my boyfriend for almost 2 years.  In February he broke up with me.  I believe he did because I confronted him about his gambling and all the lies, manipulation and deceit.  I did not know how bad his addiction was

    until I spoke to his ex wife and I think this is what triggered him to break up with me.  So many times he went not answering his phone, texting some other women and lying about it.  I tried to speak to him but he shuts me down.

    He tells me I pressured him and stressed him too much.  I know I did but things did not add up. I have tried to have conversations with him but no answer.  How can somebody who said that loved you can treat you like this?

    My self esteem is on the floor.  I feel unsecure, not sure about myself.  He has so many issues and I was willing to work through things with him as a couple.  He has 2 grown up kids,, 23 and 19, that live with him and did not finish high 

    school and do not work.  They do not know how to do anything and my ex doesnt even do anything to help them become adults.

    How come I feel guilty about our relationship?  How come I am the one who is suffering the most and even seeking therapy and I am not the one who is an addict?

    Needless to say, he was also providing.  I never had a problem with him and my money.  But from what I heard from his ex wife, that is the reason she divorced him.  They even lost their house because he stopped paying the mortgage.

    I want to forget about all this and get my life back together but I still love him.  The fact that he has not even communicated with me or apologize breaks my heart. 

    #6216
    charles
    Moderator

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    #6217
    Lilo0507
    Participant

    Today, I am going to meet with my ex and talk to him about his addiction. I am trying to help him. I hope he listens and understand where I am coming from. We will see.

    #6218
    velvet
    Moderator

    H Lilo I believe that many people feel guilty when they see another distressed but don’t know how to help them; unfortunately many, like me. end up doing all the wrong things for all the right reasons. I cannot comment on the reason that your boyfriend ended your relationship in February but I do know that many relationships do end as a result of the addiction to gamble.

    Please pick your self-esteem up; a relationship with an active CG will always bring difficulties that cannot be put in a pigeon-hole labelled ‘easy’ – but whatever the cause of the breakdown ‘you’ are not to blame for his addiction.

    How did your chat go on Tuesday, I hope your boyfriend listened but active CGs do not often hear logic and reason.

    Speak soon Velvet

    #6219
    Loopy 1
    Participant

    My son has been gambling for over 6 years . For a brief period he stopped . It is now at the highest point . I have already added money to my mortgage to clear his debts .I have paid for holidays to prevent break up of his relationship. He just won’t stop . He begs me for money , tells lies . He says some dreadful things , sometime threats , that are so extreme that I end up giving in . I have now said I won’t give him money, but I worry where this will take him . He has stolen in the past . I am scared for his future . I also feel guilty that i am saying no . His gambling has caused family splits .i don’t know what to do .

    #6220
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Loopy
    Please start your own thread so that you can get the support you deserve.
    Velvet

    #6221
    Loopy 1
    Participant

    My son is the gambler . I can’t cope much more . I’ve baiked him so many times . It has to stop , but I feel guilty & worry about the consequences.

    #6222
    Paul Dent
    Participant

    Hi there
    We now have specialist support support available on the helpline form 8am until 12pm Monday through to Friday.
    Please contacts us as dealing with a relative is extremely difficult as it throws up feelings of helplessness as as you stated , guilt and worry. Look at the information we provide here but do not hesitate to contact https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/friends-and-family

    #6223
    Paul Dent
    Participant

    Hi there
    We now have specialist support support available on the helpline form 8am until 12pm Monday through to Friday.
    Please contacts us as dealing with a relative is extremely difficult as it throws up feelings of helplessness as as you stated , guilt and worry. Look at the information we provide here but do not hesitate to contact https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/friends-and-family

    #6224
    Paul Dent
    Participant

    Hi Loopy

    You are being put in an impossible postion by your son and it brings up some many feelings which are very difficult to deal with. I would suggest in the first place contacting the team to see what practical advice is available as every situation is different. We now have people available between 8am and 12pm who can offer some advice and someone to talk to about the situation you find yourself in 

    Paul

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