2 May 2022 at 7:01 pm #153700jwill19Participant
Hi all. I’ve been dealing with my on again/off again gambling problem for just about 20 years now. For a while (many months), I had been good about things – limiting my gambling related activity to live poker and doing modestly well at it (all while sticking to a budget). Then came this weekend.
For those of you familiar with poker, you know what a bad beat is. Well, I experienced several of these a few nights ago (all for significant amounts). One or two here and there generally don’t effect me emotionally; the game has a great deal of variance and these things do happen. But so many in just under two hours broke me. I became uncharacteristically pissed, and for the first time in a while I made my way to the blackjack table. Not good (and I knew this before I started losing).
Blackjack has done me in many times over the years, and the latest activity has me really down. Firstly, I’m quite disappointed in myself for losing control. I thought I’d be ok just sticking to poker, but I realize that even being in a casino that offers blackjack poses great risks. Then, to gamble away thousands (over 10k) that I really couldn’t afford to lose, hurt.
I gamble because I find few other things as interesting. I have hobbies, but none I care enough about to fill up my free time. I just enjoy gambling too much. Being away from family and friends in the U.S. (I’m in Asia now) has me kind of lonely (I do have friends here, but still…) and I know that feeds into my addiction (as it has in the past).
I’m as miserable and disappointed as I’ve ever been when it comes to gambling. I’ve lost much higher amounts in the past, but this time feels different for many reasons. I’m afraid that I’ll never get this habit under control and need your support (before things spiral even further). Fortunately, I’m single and am only responsible for myself (no kids).
Thanks for taking the time. I look forward to your comments/advice.
P.S. About ten yrs ago, I wrote an email admitting my problem to close friends and family. I had their support at first, but most eventually became very judgmental (and it’s difficult knowing that I can’t come to them this time around; I just can’t). Their anger and disappointment will only lead me into a darker place, and I don’t need that right now…
2 May 2022 at 7:01 pm #153767charlesModerator
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums. By posting to the forums you’re allowing the diverse and caring Gambling Therapy community to help support you through the difficulties you’re facing.
This may well be a tough time for you – particularly if you’re new to recovery, so we encourage you to post here as often as you need to, as well as making use of the online groups and the live advice helpline if you’d like some one-to-one support. We’re all in this together! If you’re a new member, you are warmly invited to join Charles in one of the New Members Practical Advice groups (Mondays at 21:00 UK Time and Thursdays at 19:00 UK Time).
The forum is a great place to share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. By writing it all down you can start to build a record of your progress that you can look back on – particularly useful if you’re ever feeling stuck. Share as much or as little as you like – but you’re encouraged to stick to keeping to just one thread in this forum – so people know where to find you to check in on your progress or to share something with you.
The Gambling Therapy staff team don’t generally post to the forums as it is a peer support area of the site – so we’ll hand you over to the community from here.
The Gambling Therapy Team
3 May 2022 at 12:18 am #153793jvr3419Participant
Hi jwill welcome to this site. It’s definitely hard writing the first post so I give your props for making this first step. It’s going to be along journey but it’s really worth it in the long run to rid yourself from a destructive addiction. Getting honest with people in your life is by far the hardest part. I struggled with it to. Its only natural to fear that the connection to those people can be severed do to our addiction. However us addicts are great at making up assumptions and thinking we no how others will react. You’ll be suprised how understanding people can be if you truly show an effort to want to better yourself. My family didn’t judge me at all. If anything they understood that I was in that much pain internally that I went to a place that dark. Some people may react irrationally for a bit but that’s not your problem. Your goal is to get yourself better and that’s it.
6 May 2022 at 12:56 pm #154120LosingitslowlyParticipant
Jwill, welcome. Gambling addiction takes on all forms and the fact that you are admitting that you have a serious problem of any form is great. Relapses happen intermittently and while you may feel discouraged and regret your actions it’s easy to get back up off the proverbial floor and start again. If you like new things them find some new things. The world is full of sources of knowledge and entertainment and the simple act of trying to find some will engage your mind and take some time. I think that you need to challenge yourself to stay away completely for a period of time that makes sense to you. We all need challenges and goals. Make this yours. It is easier to do this after a big loss like this. It is fuel. There must be something that you can interject into your day/weekend that would be more constructive and personally fulfilling than poker. Find something that will build your will, confidence and give you something to feel good about. All is not lost. Rise to the challenge and take back your personal power. It can be done, you just have to get your feet on the path.
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