8 July 2013 at 7:05 am #9396
Thanks RG and P can safely say i wouldnt of started this new thread if it wasnt for use and i will reply to use soon when im a bit stronger and thinking clearer. just looked at my old diary the last post from me saying i was going to the football match and i wouldnt take my bank card and i didnt but i still gambled in dublin i was trying but obviously not hard enough and then the floodgates opened been at it a lot since every disgusting bet making me want the next one even more and then when the money would run out i was up the walls not being able to place another bet. i have become so angry inside this last month and resentful thankfully i have kept it to myrelf and havent taking it out on innocent people. it has scared me because it has been a long time from i have been angry. Really struggled with my higher power lately and not even really to do with gambling at this moment in time im going to try and start again. my mental health isnt very good atm but why is that my mental health is always worse when iv been gambling. Im sorry for rambling suppose all i can do is keep trying i havent gambled since friday its a start.8 July 2013 at 1:34 pm #9397AnonymousGuest
Hi R2C: It’s tough coming back and getting back on the wagon. The next days and weeks will be tough as well. Give yourself a huge pat on the back for stopping for three days. We’ll never get out of the hole if we keep digging. To help myself, I usually read everything I can lay my hands on about gambling recovery on the internet. I look at the destruction it does … the horrible feelings that follow, etc.
Barriers, as you know, are critical as you’re coming back to active recovery. I know … believe me. I tested them yesterday. I actually drove all the way to a casino that I thought I could sneak into. I walked right to the security guards at the entrance — and then I saw the sign: Photo facial recognition in use at this facility. That was it — too much of a risk and a $2000 fine if caught. So, I pretended to search for something in my bag and turned right back around and headed to visit my Dad, which was my intended destination.
Hem yourself in. Do everything to make sure that you don’t gamble. Pretend that you are a father trying to control a willful brat. What would you do to ensure that the child could not harm themselves. I know you can do this. Don’t worry about the *****. It’s normal … depression, anger and gambling go hand in hand. You’re going to have to dig deep to tough this out, but you CAN do it.
Here’s an article to help keep you on track this evening.
RG– 7/8/2013 1:50:13 PM: post edited by harry.8 July 2013 at 2:07 pm #9398cat438Participant
R2C it is good to see that you have started a new page and I am so glad that you listened to RG and P. It is not easy to deal with all our different emotions when we are in the throwns of our addiction. The self loathing, anger, fear we cant stop and it goes on and on. We just want our next fix. I hate what gambling does to us and the continual fight and struggle to stay away. R2C it is important for you to keep posting and getting the support and help of others on this site. I know when I first started in recovery I would have those continual thoughts about gambling, and Vera said the next time they come just stomp on them like they are a bug!!! I used that thought for so long and I got carried away thinking of all the blood splattering everywhere, but it did the trick to help me get my thoughts away from gambling. Keep posting and dont worry about tomorrow or next week or month just get through today R2C!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…9 July 2013 at 7:47 pm #9399
thanks RG and cat! im going to try again im very weak at the moment im depressed but i feel a tiny bit better.10 July 2013 at 12:36 pm #9400AnonymousGuest
Sorry to hear about your ‘blip’ !!!!!! I can say that I have been very close on a number of occasions from the very start too. Its amazing how our brains can so easily forget the misery just by placing or the thought of placing a bet. I can tell you R2C that I have been a fool too many ***** to keep ********. I think you are very brave to keep posting. I look in on the forum most days, but tend not to write too much, as I never know what to say .
I have tried to think a lot about why I wanted to gamble and it was the thought of having more money mainly (as well as a buzz). But when i think of the ***** when I won and felt a little happiness, it was always ‘short term’. I saw the additional money as a way of having more funds to continue the gambling……….and we all know what happens every time. I would buy some clothes and spoil my wife and go on a hol, and then blow the lot again and more and be much further in debt than ever. This cycle has continued for 30 years at least. I understand the cycle, but its trying to recondition my brain. I am REALLY trying to seek pleasure from the simplest things, walks, cinema, family, watching sports etc……..and in the end there is nothing else any of us could really want thats ‘extra’ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are always chasing a fantasy…………how we would spend thiese monies if we won BIG !!!! we would only do what we do when we are not gambling !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Watch sport, have a beer with freinds etc etc so the gambling really does become pointless. I know this is all just talk and its so much harder to do, but all I will say is I will continue to keep trying, even if I do wfall off the wagon. Just keep trying my freind. I hope to keep fighting and will keepan eye out for more positive posts from you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ed10 July 2013 at 5:01 pm #9401AnonymousGuest
Chin up, friend. I have a spot reserved on the wagon for you for this entire summer. Only a teeny portion of the summer is gone. Come on … we still have most of July, August and September. RG"I ***** him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. Aristotle2 August 2013 at 9:10 pm #9402veraParticipant
Thinking of you R2C and hoping the depression will fade away when you get back on track and miles away from gambling. I don’t suffer from depression thank God, but when I gamble it leaves me drained, empty, dizzy, no sleep, head throbbing ang I can’t focus on anything. I feel my chances are getting fewer and fewer. Every time I entered a casino lately, I felt as if I would pass out, yet I clung to those slot machines for mercy and by golly they showed me none!
Why do we inflict this torture and hardship on ourselves?
Life is difficult enough without giving ourselves more grief!
‘Can’t comment on the footie. I wouldn’t know a football match from a hurling match!
Thanks for your support on my thread!3 August 2013 at 7:09 am #9403
thanks Vera im slowly but surely getting a we bit stronger just have to try and be patient it takes time. pretty determined to get focused this time and blocks tighter very aware iv said this all before so have to be very alert have been told about the Time Money and Location situation if you take one of them key words away you cant gamble. Got great news yesterday with work i work in the family business and we got a contract we were really hoping for so its a big big lift. I just have to now try and cut out my financial self destruction another 7k roughly from the end of december and i got no value whatsoever none. Thank God its the weekend take care everyone!7 August 2013 at 11:05 pm #9404veraParticipant
Hope you got through the Bank Holiday weekend ok, R2C!
Well done on getting that contract.
I hope you’ re busy setting up for that and not doing anything foolish…5 days since you posted!!
I have an important meeting with 2 union guys tomorrow, Pray, please that it turns out ok. We need some sort of miracle to resolve a difficult situation at work…odaat!
God bless!8 August 2013 at 6:29 am #9405
thanks Vera yea it was about time i posted im 3 weeks gamble free thank God. theirs a noise coming from the car that ***** investigating hoping its the exhaust but have a feeling its not just know i cant put it off any longer. the car also ***** serviced been over a year and the timing belt ***** changed its funny how you can always find money for a gamble but it breaks your heart to pay your bills. well odaat i hope to get the car completely sorted in the next month or 2 and im going to go about the noise today. Also have to get heating oil in about 2 months that has to be a definite. Made a firm decision yesterday to have no contact with my female friend we talked yesterday although it wasnt ideal timing as she was hungover and had a cold but one thing i will always remember from the conversation was i asked her was their any chance if i got myself sorted out in the future and she said she didnt know and then she said sure your not going to get yourself sorted out. **** maybe shes right but i think i will try and use that as motivation to better myself. she wants to be friends i just cant be at this moment in time i wished her a happy birthday yesterday for october. it is what it is end of an era but im ok i think **** it thats life. hope to get her out of my system soon and no contact is best for me think shes going to contact at xmas but sure i know fine well things change. my **** should lift soon and continued absintence from this addiction will do me the world of good. my priorties atm are getting myself sorted haha and doing what i can for my mum and dad my mum took an infection on her leg on her shin she was in agony i took her to the doctors and its getting better with cream and an antibotic shes had lots of we things wrong with her lately God help herjust glad she dosent know i was gambling everythings going to be ok odaat. Finally a bit of good news great result in the football last night! what dosent kill you makes you stronger!8 August 2013 at 11:14 pm #9406i won a new lifeParticipant
Wishing you the best to stay on track R2C, we know it isn’t easy, but it can be done.ODAAT one day at a time10 August 2013 at 7:13 am #9407
85 to get the car fixed thank God it wasnt 3 weeks ago. felt free last night im single i can do what i want i have nobody to answer to maybe not totally ideal and can get a bit lonely at ***** but it suits me best at this moment in time. i havent been totally free from gambling for it seems forever. my aim is to become free from it odaat at this moment in time im sickened by the thought of a bet but i know that can change in a heart beat so blocks are so important to me. i feel a bit more positive i have just exsisted for far to long. all i know is every day further away from gambling i get that we bit stronger and my smile returns and my sense of humour. i kinda got into my head that nobody really enjoys life but iv realised lately the majority of people enjoy life. being an active cg isnt much fun its depressing i hope and pray i can arrest it this time odaat. no gambling means in the future i can go on proper holidays again im sick of donegal haha. make my house more pleasant to live in buy new clothes socialise more etc. when i gamble everything suffers. so heres hoping to a new life free from the misery and pain of this disease13 August 2013 at 6:58 pm #9408
will be hopfully four weeks free from a bet tomorrow odaat. feeling a bit better day by day think the thing that has helped me the most this few days has been fresh air iv went on a few great walks after work and the scenery and views were amazing places i hadnt been to in years and years but yet on my door step, brought back so many memories. yep strange as it may sound fresh air is helping me a lot lately. Thank God the night racing should be soon over 1 less thing to worry about. im doing ok funny when im gambling im never ok.16 August 2013 at 7:25 pm #9409
ticking over ok thank God really want this time to be different odaat. im trying to change my mindset17 August 2013 at 4:22 am #9410nevaParticipant
It is funny how we are never okay when we’re gambling but keep getting drawn back to. I wonder if they are hypnotizing us because we’re all smart people who are confused to how we became addicted to wasting our money, time and life…doesn’t make any sense. Stay strong R2C and this time will be different ODAAT.
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