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    • #12799
      clean
      Participant

      I’ve been using this site for about close to five months now and have never posted yet in the forum.  Though it has been my intention to start a thread, I’ve not gotten around to doing so. This would be for many reasons.  Procrastination is one but mostly because I feel a little uncomfortable airing my dirty laundry for the world to read and also that while I know how I feel, its often difficult for me to articulate my thoughts when it comes to myself and the effects of my gambling.  It’s something I’ve struggled with for the last 20 years of my life with few people knowing just how bad it really was….and still is.  Yes a lot know that I dabbled in sports betting and was an avid poker player as well but not to the actual extent that I had taken it. 
      I reached many bottoms previously and though they were quite low bottoms I guess it hadn’t been my worst bottom because though they had brought me to a point where I had attempted to quit, each time on my own without support, I had returned once again each time to the reckless lifestyle i lived while gambling, and returned harder and faster each time I returned.  That was my intention at the time, I just wanted to get comfortable again.
      I suppose this time I’ve reached my lowest bottom and this time I came into recovery using as many supports and strategies as I could with the intention to never return to it again.  I have been gamble free now since the 4th of December, 2011.  It feels good to excersize control indeed but I can’t say that I am seeing any immediate results of my decision to quit.
      I do know that with time things will begin to fall into place but at the moment things are still messy and its difficult to see too far ahead but I will stay on my path of recovery and don’t plan to stray off for anything.  I’ve had enough of that life and will be paying for it for years to come.  I just hope I can keep strong and keep faith and not go insane or fall into a deeper depression in the meantime.
       
       
       — 5/1/2012 7:08:18 PM: post edited by clean.

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