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27 August 2014 at 4:10 pm #26418C_NoelParticipant
I’ve been a compulsive gambler for about 6 years now. It has led me to financial issues and emotional strain and this is the first attempt I have made in recovery. Basically, I’ve ruined my credit and live paycheck to paycheck when it doesn’t have to be that way at all. I pay my bills, most of the time late and any residual income goes to waste…to the casinos. It’s a vicious cycle. I realized it has become a huge problem when all I can think about is going back to that slot machine to have a chance to win so I can walk out and quit for good. Hopefully, there are others who have recovered or on the path to recovery from a similar situation. I don’t want to attend GA meetings for fear of embarrassment and whom I may see there as well. I’m glad I found this site. Thanks!
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27 August 2014 at 4:33 pm #26419velvetModerator
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Hello C and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties youre currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if youre new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. Were in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like youre not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
Im going to hand you over to our community because Im sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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28 August 2014 at 5:44 pm #26420cat438Participant
Your post really hit me as it could have been my first post. I joined GT in June 6, 2011 and then proceeded to go on a 6 day gambling binge. I could not imagine life without playing slots and the panic of never playing them again sent me on a binge. It is possible to have a life free of playing machines, but as a compulsive gambler or addict I take it one day at a time. All we have to focus on is getting through a day, not tomorrow, next week, month or year.
You will find lots of support and help on this site and I would encourage you to post how you feel, your struggles etc. Also there is the help line with the GT staff and they are wonderful and without their help and guidance I don’t think I would be where I am today.
Wishing you a wonderful gamble free day!!! -
28 August 2014 at 7:42 pm #26421C_NoelParticipant
Thank you so much for sharing and wishing me the best! Being able to take it one day at a time is great advice. I’m always looking further than that and that is where I have failed before. I’m so fortunate to have found this site and very pleased they are worldwide. Thanks again and I wish you the best and many more gamble free days.
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28 August 2014 at 7:48 pm #26422C_NoelParticipant
Yes, it has been 3 days since blindly driving myself to a near casino but it is the lack of funds that prevents my going. I am fearful that next payday will come and off I go, to gamble what remains. After paying off a payday loan and bills, I’ll have very minimal money left. In my mind, I know I’ll be thinking, “if I can at least double this money, I’ll survive.” In reality, I know it will be a loss and I’ll be back in the cycle. I’ve got to focus! I want to rebuild my life free of gambling. It’s tough.
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28 August 2014 at 10:59 pm #26423bettieParticipant
So ask yourself the question “Whats the dollar amount that you need to win that will keep you out of the casino for the rest of your life?” There is no answer really because as a Compulsive Gambler there is no “win”. We might recoop a bit of what we lost but that only leads us to more gambling. As a CG if I won a million dollars I can guarentee that I would gamble away one million and one.
My GA fear was running into customers from my work. ( I am a banker) so I go to further away meetings. I no longer fear that-if someone is in a meeting they are the smart one for being there. Funny how it didn’t bother me to see them in the casinos!
I would suggest that you RUN to the nearest meeting you can find. The best advice we get is what our addiction doesn’t want you to know. You CAN have a better life than the one you have now.
bettie -
29 August 2014 at 12:03 am #26424C_NoelParticipant
You’re absolutely right, Bettie. I’ve won before in the past and counted each dollar and allotting it to the bills I could pay and things I could buy. I then gambled it all away just minutes later.
I used to be a banker as well and it never bothered me either when I saw them. As far as they knew, I could manage my money perfectly because I was able to manage everyone else’s.
Thank you so much for your advice. I’m getting the courage to attend a GA meeting. They are held only once a week in my area but I’m more and more apt to attend.
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29 August 2014 at 10:26 am #26425AnonymousGuest
Hi Noel.. It was so lovely to speak to you in chat last night., I was reading your post about payday and it just occurred to me it is payday today, and I can’t honestly say I’m not tempted to gamble but what I do know is I can’t gamble because I cut up all my cards and the only existing one is in my husband’s wallet.. It was Charles (one if the mentors on here) who said set your barriers high and get rid of all means of gambling when you are feeling really low.. The minute money comes into our account we think we will just try a tenner and we are back to square one.. I never want to experience another gambling hangover.. The shame, the guilt, the compulsive juggling money in my head , the worry, the insomnia, being unable to be with my partner in case he sees into mind. the deceit , feeling worthless, feeling selfish, feeing like such a bad person, the poverty, …. The list is endless..so maybe today is a good day to self ban from everywhere, get someone else to home your cards or cut them up and start setting your barriers really high!! When payday comes around again you won’t be able to gamble. It’s taken me four years to understand I have to do this.. i hope you get there faster!!
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29 August 2014 at 5:05 pm #26426C_NoelParticipant
Thanks for your reply sad. I was happy to have chatted with you in the support group. It really gives me a perspective of how gambling is affecting all of us who come here for guidance an support. I hope you continue to find courage and strength on your recovery. It sounds like you have taken all the right steps. I’m in the process of doing the same. Although it is not a payday for me, I have one week left focus on my goals for when that payday comes. I’m already feeling stronger and feeling a glimmer of hope that I will be gamble free and able to take control of my life. There is a GA meeting next week that I may attend just to aid in my self-recovery. For now, I’m focusing on setting my goals and taking deep breaths and takin one day at a time.
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29 August 2014 at 6:18 pm #26427charlesModerator
Hi C Noel and welcome. You are already getting some good advice here and well done on deciding to check GA out.
Pay day can be a temptation for any compulsive gambler as you realise. Use that knowledge – what things can you put in place before pay day? What barriers? What accountability? Once you have things in place then pay day becomes just another day.
Keep posting, stay strong. One day at a time.
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2 September 2014 at 12:44 am #26428C_NoelParticipant
I’ve been to the casino over the weekend. Of course, I lost. $55.00 later and I see this as a roadblock yet learning experience. Although it was a small amount in comparison to other times, it’s still a loss and I’ve still fed my addiction. I’m beginning to write down goals and hobbies that I’d like to begin doing instead of gambling. I work 40 hours a week and am beginning a second job that I am able to work as my time allows. I really need to motivate myself to become a better person.
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2 September 2014 at 3:14 pm #26429C_NoelParticipant
Tonight is the local ga meeting. I know I should go but I hesitate. Would it be wrong to try recovery without it? Is it possible? I just feel ashamed to attend the meeting but I want so badly to be free from compulsive gambling.
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2 September 2014 at 5:08 pm #26430velvetModerator
Hi C
Controlling your addiction is probably the hardest thing you will ever do so I would suggest that you use every support possible.
It takes courage to control the addiction to gamble so pluck up a bucketful, take a deep breath and go to your GA – there will not be a single member who hasn’t felt as you do now.
Working through a slip can make your stronger – take this experience and the feelings you have now and turn them to good use – and when you come home, come back on the forum and tell us how it went.
Velvet
You may never know what results come from your actions but if you do nothing there will be no results. – Mahatma Gandhi -
3 September 2014 at 3:04 pm #26431C_NoelParticipant
Well last night, I went to the location in which they said the GA meetings are held. It turns out that the day and location is different now. I was in the building with full intentions of attending the meeting but now I will have to wait until a Saturday evening at 6pm. This Saturday i have plans with friends and will be unable to attend but plan to attend sometime this month.
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3 September 2014 at 3:06 pm #26432C_NoelParticipant
Along with intentions of attending GA last night, I was able to open up to my best friend about my gambling problem. She is very supportive and is willing to go with me to some of the meetings. I feel so much better now that she knows an does not place any judgement against me.
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3 September 2014 at 9:07 pm #26433pParticipant
Well that is a big step already you made up your mind to go to a meeting and your best friend is now aware of your problem, that is fantastic news..
Keep going and moving forward step by step.. just for today dont gamble.. just concentrate on this day thats in front of youP
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5 September 2014 at 2:48 am #26434veraParticipant
Hi C-Noel,
We met in chat about a week ago.
I just want to give you another “tool” that might help you.
I watched a few youtube self hypnosis sessions tonight and for the last week. They really are helping.
Just instil the anti gambling thoughts into you subconscious mind and learn to STOP and ASK yourself….”Do I want to gamble, do I REALLY want to gamble, etc” …give it a try .
I’m trying EVERYTHING to stop …..also reading a book called Gripped by Gambling……get that book
We need to make it IMPOSSIBLE to gamble because when we succumb to the FIRST thought, NOTHING will stop us.
Today, I am 2 weeks G free.
I’m changing my mindset towards gambling TOTALLY
If I can stop, anyone can!
Never give up trying Noel! -
5 September 2014 at 2:52 am #26435C_NoelParticipant
Hi Vera – Yes, I remember meeting you in chat. It was so nice to meet with you, p, and sad68. That chat group made me feel comfortable discussing my problem.
Changing my mindset is definitely a key component. How can we be so strong in certain aspects of our life but then be so weak when it hurts us the most? The mind is so complex yet so powerful.
Thanks again and so good to hear from you!
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5 September 2014 at 4:41 am #26436bettieParticipant
Thanks for your post on my thread C.
I heard it said by a new comer to a meeting once. He asked why someone was still attending meetings after 10 plus years, he asked the person if they were still that weak. Their repy was brillant. They said it’s not that I am weak, this addiction is just that strong. The new comer hasn’t been back. I can’t say that I am suprised. Thats part of surrender-admiting that something has you beat.
It’s OK knowing the addiction is strong because now I am aware and I know it’s a can of worms that I can’t put the lid back on once I start. We really arn’t weak we just have to surrender and stop being stuborn if that makes any sence to you.
The CG mind is a complicated mess! lol!
bettie -
5 September 2014 at 10:33 am #26437C_NoelParticipant
4:30am. Back from a binge. Please, please let it be my last. This is the hardest I have fallen. All money is gone. All of it. Even worse, I have lost hope. Why do I let this compulsion control me? I knew the outcome before I even got into my car and drove 20 minutes to the casino. The whole way there I kept trying to talk myself out of it but yet I kept driving. My problem is way worse than I have come to terms with. I am so terribly disappointed in myself. It’s self-destructive behavior. I need barriers. Tomorrow. Set them. Open up to my mom and dad and hand over all my financial access and take them with me to set bans at the local casinos. I want a better life.
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5 September 2014 at 4:09 pm #26438C_NoelParticipant
Today WAS payday but I stupidly gave into my addiction last night while bored at my home. Paid at midnight, gone by morning. What a stupid and dumb thing to do. 2 hours of sleep, on a small break from my piles of paperwork at my job. Today I come clean to my parents. I’ll write again once I take that step and utilize the barriers to prevent this from happening again. Feeling like I am a worst case scenario and who could possibly have an addiction as bad as mine? I’ve let you all down and all the advice and support you have given me, I feel I took it for granted.
Until next time.
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5 September 2014 at 4:44 pm #26439AnonymousGuest
You have not let us down. There is not a person on here who has not done what you did.. If it was easy we would not need a support group like this .i am in awe at your honesty.. I too ha a bad night but I was just going to not mention that!! Very few succeed the first time.. You are becoming more conscious of your addiction and beginning to understand how you can take steps to control it. You will beat this … Just hang in there and plan plan plan for your next payday
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5 September 2014 at 6:47 pm #26440charlesModerator
Hi C Noel, well done on coming here and posting honestly and promptly about what happened.
Did you talk to your parents? Maybe show them this site, there is a Friends and family forum that they might find helpful.
Have you asked them to help you with some barriers? I’m sure they would go with you as moral support when you self exclude from that casino. Financial accountability will aslo make you less able to do the same thing next pay day.
What are your thoughts on GA now? After what’s happened maybe “….plan to attend sometime this month…” could change to “as soon as possible”?
Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.
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5 September 2014 at 7:34 pm #26441C_NoelParticipant
Thank you sad! We can overcome this obstacle. I’m glad to hear from you since it has been a few days since chatting. Let’s get through this phase in our lives and live a brighter and happier life. We all deserve it.
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5 September 2014 at 7:42 pm #26442C_NoelParticipant
Thank you, Charles for your insight. Your words are very helpful.
I came clean to my parents and my sister with whom I am very close. I handed over my debit card to my mom and am giving my sister access to my bank accounts and she is willing to handle my financials. My Mom showed nothing but support and encouragement and wants this recovery for me as much as I do. I should have done this sooner.
I am going to attend GA as soon as possible. I do not feel hesitant whatsoever now. A huge burden has been lifted now that I have discussed with my Mom and sister.
Taking one day at a time and realizing there is a life free from gambling. I have so many goals, but for now, I focus on today.
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6 September 2014 at 3:01 am #26443bettieParticipant
Welcome to the world of being a CG. I can speak for myself when I tell you that I too had a relaspe 1 week in. If you go to my page 1 I would get days, weeks, a month then go right back. I liked to refer to myself as a bad rap group-Banned in 3 States-because it took that then face to face meetings before I started making real “clean” time.
It’s ok C, most of us have been where you are now. It’s part of the journey.
bettie -
6 September 2014 at 3:15 am #26444bettieParticipant
C I just noticed your profile. We are almost neighbors. If you want to meet at a meeting I would be more than glad to meet you at one. I am in the south suburbs. There are two meetings close to me on Thursdays. If you are so inclined ask GT for my email and we could comminucate in private.
bettie -
6 September 2014 at 7:54 pm #26445C_NoelParticipant
Thank you for your comments, Bettie. It is very helpful to be surrounded by people who know and experience what I am going through. It is especially wonderful to communicate with someone who has recovered.
I believe that I may have just put that as my timezone? I would still like to find out how close we are in location. I shall try to get your email! Thanks!
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6 September 2014 at 8:01 pm #26446C_NoelParticipant
I woke up this morning with my mind more at ease and my heart and head not as heavy. I have told my family, best friend and boyfriend about my addiction and they are all very willing to support my recovery. Today is going to be a great day. I have a softball tournament! This is one of the things that brings me joy. Physical activities, sports, and fitness. I’m also going to begin crafting with my sister once a week as we meet to discuss my financials. So long for now, I must prepare for the tournament. 🙂
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7 September 2014 at 1:58 am #26447pParticipant
Hi it sounds like you have done some very positive things toward your recovery very quickly.. that can only be of benefit to you and your recovery.. enjoy your softball game…
P
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9 September 2014 at 6:37 pm #26448C_NoelParticipant
Wow, the weekend went by so quickly! I was occupied with softball and spending time watching football with friends and family not to mention gamble free. I have not had the urge or thought to gamble, reason being, I have a lot more accountability and the barriers are in tact. I know it’s only been a few days but I feel like I am on the right track and this track feels strong and steady. Hoping everyone is doing well!
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9 September 2014 at 7:07 pm #26449lizbeth4Participant
HI C, Wow, you should be so proud of yourself. It is hard to come clean to our family members. I am happy that they are all supportive of you and your desire to be gamble free. GA meetings are awesome but it took me going to a few different places to find the right fit for myself. It helps to have barriers and accountability as I learned from other’s here when I first came aboard. Keep doing what your doing. Stay strong!!
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10 September 2014 at 12:38 am #26450C_NoelParticipant
Thanks everyone for the encouraging words. Even though I have a mere $12 to my name, I am feeling better about the future. I am still taking one day at a time because life seems tough right now, trying to dig myself out of a 6+ year hole I have dug for myself. If I hadn’t come forward with everything, I feel that I would have continued to dig my own grave. Now, I am slowly trying to fill that hole until I can plant a new seed and watch it develop into something beautiful, a beautiful new life.
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10 September 2014 at 7:43 am #26451pParticipant
Hi again C Noel
that is wonderful news you are doing really well so early on to do all these things.. getting to tell family and to go to GA are huge steps!! I had to go to GA a fair few times before i got it really.. then it grew on me more and more.. I think i read Bettie might be meeting you for the same GA meeting? think i read that, that would be awesome.. Hope you enjoy it and get something out of it… lets know how you go
P
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10 September 2014 at 10:05 pm #26452AnonymousGuest
Hi c Noel.. You seem to have taken such contr ol of your life. I know you are going to be successful. U have been honest with your family and its great they are supporting you. Please continue to tell us About your journey
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12 September 2014 at 3:47 am #26453C_NoelParticipant
It’s great to have the support of everyone here in the forum. The encouraging words are very kind and thoughtful. Tomorrow I take the next step of self-banning myself from the local casinos. My sister will be driving and going along with me of course. After that, maybe a nice cocktail and some dinner. I’m actually looking forward to taking this step. Tomorrow will be 7 days of no gambling and about 2 weeks since joining here. We can do this everyone!
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12 September 2014 at 9:38 pm #26454pParticipant
Wow you are moving forward quickly that is so good to see.. what great steps you are taking to improve your life.. congratulation on a full week gamble free.. keep doing it just a day at a time.. the days will add up more and more.. so good to see such fast progress, i was a little slower hahahaa. but I’m here
P
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13 September 2014 at 5:52 am #26455C_NoelParticipant
Just got home from placing self-bans at the local casinos. How do I feel? Embarrassed, relieved, angry at myself for letting it get this far. I feel like a loser for having to do something this extreme. Do I seriously not have enough self-control? It’s funny how I saw so many people I know, who work at the casino and now they all know I have a problem that I couldn’t control on my own. These are people I have associated with, outside of the casino on a normal social basis. I know, this is a step in the right direction. My barriers have been set.
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13 September 2014 at 1:04 pm #26456bettieParticipant
We can’t control the uncontrollable. This is an addiction just like any other addiction. We Cg’s are wired a bit differently. A slap on a slot button is very much like taking a drug, it has the same effect on endorphins in the brain.
This is a tool just like any other. Set your barriers high-don’t close the door and leave the windows open!
bettie -
13 September 2014 at 10:01 pm #26457pParticipant
With regards to the groups here for chat.. what i find is there is no join sign either sometimes in the timetable.. you need to be logged in.. then what i do is click on helpline and you scroll to the bottom of the page of helpline and it shows what groups are on at the moment.. if that makes sense..
have a great gamble free day and night and i hope to see you soon in chat.. keep going one day at a timeP
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18 September 2014 at 7:53 pm #26458C_NoelParticipant
Tomorrow is payday. It’s been 13 days since that terrible night of binge gambling. I must admit that I am very excited to know I will be able to pay my bills on time and show my family and friends that I am on a good path. These barriers I have set give me hope. My sister monitors my bank account and she is helping to control my finances. We have a plan and I am determined to make it work.
I have yet to attend GA but I still plan to do so. Meetings are held on Saturday evenings at 6pm and I have found that I always have other plans, for example, I have been attending fundraisers and benefit dinners and also softball. I do find that involving myself in many activities and planning my schedule ahead of time, truly gives me freedom from wanting to gamble.
Although my journey has just started, I have high hopes to never go back to that dark place of feeding the addiction. I know it’s always lurking but the negative effects are not worth it!
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21 September 2014 at 9:18 pm #26459veraParticipant
How did pay day go C?
Its great that you have your sister “onside!”
Sounds as if you haven’t time for GA! A good sign! Recovery is more important than anything . ONE DAY AT A TIME. You are doing well. Keep it up.
Gambling will spoil your life! Walk away when you have the chance. -
24 September 2014 at 12:45 am #26460C_NoelParticipant
Thank you, Vera! Payday has gone well, my bills have been paid and I was able to even buy a drink for family and friends. What a good feeling. I do have thoughts of gambling and how it has made my life so very stressful and very hard. I’ve had dreams of winning these huge jackpots, its so strange but when I wake up, I don’t have the urge to gamble because I know the outcome and the self-banning has helped tremendously! Knowing I don’t have the capability to walk into those casinos and go directly to the slot machine as I once did so often is such a relief. I’m still surrounding myself with people as often as possible for it really helps to not be alone. That was always a big trigger – sitting at home alone and feeling sorry for myself. Now, I am trying to look at each day as an accomplishment. It will be 20 days since I have last gambled…the 25th, my birthday and I can celebrate being 20 days free from it. I still have a long ways to go but I am determined to make a solid recovery.
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25 September 2014 at 10:19 pm #26461pParticipant
Happy Happy birthday C Noel and congratulations on your days gamble free.. enjoy the journey!! you are doing so well, keep posting
P
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15 October 2014 at 2:04 am #26462AnonymousGuest
Hi CNoel! How are things! I hope things are going well but even if they are not i hope you will be back on here soon getting the support you deserve from everyone one here!! Sad!
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