27 October 2014 at 10:52 pm #3527twilight16Participant
Hi for some reason I can’t reply to your latest thread. So I am hoping you will read this.
I have found people will do what they want, regardless of what is in plain sight example, money missing, extra loans, unreturned calls, even betting slips etc, regardless of the many times they have been wronged, manipulated and lied to. It is easier to just let things be.
They will simply find an excuse or rationalize their love ones behavior. I know I did for for many years, thinking it was the right thing to do because he was my father, it was the right thing to do because I was his daughter, all saying but “family is family” like I would be doing a cardinal sin if I stopped helping him.
I, like you and many many before on these boards have learned the hard way. Eventually everyone does, no one is immune to the actions of this addiction, and if one really thinks it can control it, things haven’t gotten really bad, unfortunately the road to clarity arises when we have almost or have lost everything.
Yes, I am with you take the highway and run, and run as fast as you can before the addiction takes you down. But as I mentioned people will do what they want and excuse the addict and it is their right.
On these boards, we have the commited cg in active recovery, but we certainly don’t have the ones like your ex or my father on these boards.
They are the ones that the majority of the friends and family deal with, so it is confusing for them to go on the other side “My Journal” side and read those in recovery feeling there is hope, when truthfully there isn’t if the addict is in denial of their gambling. They are the dangerous ones, totally engrossed in the addiction, the ones that will suck and strip all it can from an enabler, regardless if they are blood related or not. They don’t care.
So No More, the best advice I can give you, which I have taken for myself is to live your life, look forward and don’t go back thinking what you should have done. Whatever the outcome of your h surgery, I hope it goes well, know you will make it. If his pension ends with his death, there is still financial support from the military you can apply for. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, regardless of how small or big. Instead of shouting flight, shout I am free of this addiction and in a better place than many who continue to put up with the addict in denail.
Wishing you the best,
Twilight28 October 2014 at 2:18 am #3528nomore 56Participant
Thx for your reply. When I made the decision to free myself of the addiction, I did so because I had reached rock bottom many times over. At that point I honestly believe that one of us would have ended up dead, had I not drawn the line. I tried not to look back and just hope for the best. My hb started his true recovery and we became friends out of necessity. It worked for us. Unfortunately the past stuck to us like gum on a shoe because my hb was now a convicted felon with a huge restitution to pay. Moving on or forward is not an option because of that, or rather not the way we wanted to. So after yrs of struggling, disappointments and crushed hopes we finally thought we had found a solution. Now this is out of reach as well even if the sx goes well. I won’t go into that, too complicated. Should I be on my own, there is not much money available. And no, there are not military benefits I can apply for as the wife of a medically retired hb. I am totally aware that I am a complicated, difficult, odd, weird, whatever you want to call it, person. I have given up trying to be someone I am not just because others want me to be like them and see the world through their eyes. The bottom line for me is, that if my life becomes just survival, I am not too interested anymore. That is how I grew up and that is what I NEVER wanted for myself. I do come from a completely different culture and some things here just don’t do it for me. Doesn’t matter. What I meant was that if I had had all the info and insight re. gambling addiction back when I first found out about it, I would have run. It was never my decision to live with it for as long as I did. When my hb relapsed after 11 yrs of not gambling, I had ended up here with no way out. In many ways. I had no choice but to hang in there until the day I thought I could finally kick him out. Which I did. Had we still lived back home, I still couldn’t have made him leave because of the finances. Trust me, I played it through in my head over and over again. Anywho, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, I really appreciate it.
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