10 June 2011 at 11:43 pm #2560ClarityKeymaster
I cant post to my own Mam on here, she hasnt had the benefit of this forum and the wealth of knowledge that is to be had. I can talk earnestly to her but there are somethings that she will not understand, I know she would fall victim to my callous tricks and evil doings if I were ever to return to my gambling; she tells me as much at times. I have insisted to her if ever I request any financial help before she even considers it to ask the outreach worker at GH if he confirms what I say. I share everything with him, and cant lie to him. This is the best I can do.
I cant ever envisage a time when I will request any help financially, I am quite well paid in my job, and even if I werent I have learned to live within my budget.
I have had a very worrying few weeks the pinacle of the worry was today when my Dad went for a 1.5hr op. to remove a tumour and was in theatre for over 5 hrs. It got me to thinking how much worry I had put on my parents over the last 30 years. I had the worry about them for a few weeks, a different sort of worry I suppose but bloody awful.
Please know an active CG does not wish this worry on to you, we are not malicious. We just cant see past the next bet I cant explain the attraction of gambling, as long as Ive done it I dont know what it is. However now it dosnt attract me in the slightest, I dont hate bookies or casinos, they aren’t for me I have a problem with them, I dont go to them anymore. Abstaining from gambling is hard, every day can be a battle. Once the whole stupidity of it smacked me in the face, I no longer have the battles. I think I am recovering at long last, infact I know I am. I dont know what the future holds for me, I dont know if I’ll gamble again. I do know I wont be gambling today, and ask me tomorrow and hopefully I can give you the same answer.
Thankfully I’ve come to my senses and appreciate my Mam and Dad for who they are; very special people, that always believed I would come through this. I dont love them for all the money I’ve taken from them. I love them because they are my Mam and Dad, I love them for experiencing my recovery with me, they really can share it I think they too know.
I just want to say to all Mums and Dads on this forum, thank you for standing by us.
I dont gamble. Because recovery is priceless.– 11/06/2011 07:39:52: post edited by geordie18.
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