[Dark Energy]

Hi,

 

firstly let me apologies for my English, i am not a native speaker, but i hope you can understand my condition and provide me with your advice.

i have a slightly different type of gambling, and finding out that I am a gambling addict was really shocking to me, i have never gambled on casino and i have even never thought to gamble..

 

i grouch up in religious community where gambling is consider a sin and in a country where the casinos are not available so i have never gambled or even thought to try gambling

 

 6 years back i was tired from my work and i was looking for a source of 2nd income, i am Engineer working in a reputable company and i have a good salary, i found that trading online could be

the solution for me since it is completely online and it looks promising with the returns that i can get.

for the first 6 months I have started with a leverage 1:1 i will explain the meaning of leverage later on for the reader who is not familiar with this term, and after the 6 months i lost few hundred dollars

and i thought that this is a learning period and now i am ready to start with a good amount and with a good leverage,

 

i have deposited 3000$ and increased the leverage to 1:400 ( it means for each 1$ i can trade with 400$, so with 3000$ i can open positions up to 1,2 million $ if the market goes 0.3% to my direction i will

double my account and if it goes 0.3% to the opposite direction i get a margin call and lose all the account “considering that i have used the leverage to the maximum”) it was successful for few day i had a few winners and then i have start losing all my profit and my capital. And from then chasing the losses started and never stopped.

 

I continue in this condition of putting more money trade for few days win at the beginning then losing it all for few months until i have lost all my saving and i have obtained a 5 credit cards and maxed all of them and lost it all, i have few loans here and there i have borrowed from my family after an almost a year I reach to the bottom where i really start thinking to kill myself. My liabilities was around 120,000$ all because of this addiction and I was not realizing that was an addiction.

 

during this year and exactly at the end of it i have sent email describing my condition to one of the psychology sites and the answer was i have a compulsive gambling . compulsive gambling!! how come i have never gambled on my life !!!

 

Up to that moment i was completely un aware that i have a gambling addiction. but then i have start reading about it and comparing everything i am doing with the gambling just replacing the casino games with the forex trading , i can’t say that i have admit it in the first day from receiving that email but it took me like a year after that until i reach a moment where enough is enough and i have to start over i have to accept that. all the loses that i have lost will not be recovered and trading forex is not the way to recover my loses but it is the reason for all these losses.

 

once I decided to stop i have start to realize i am really having a compulsive gambling i couldn’t stop once i receive my salary the first thing was putting good part of it to my trading account and start trading “gambling again” and losing again and again

 

my losses crossed 200,000$ based on my most realistic calculation, i still have my job “frankly I don’t know how” even i got promotions and i become a project manager at the darkest moment of my life 5 years ago

 

frankly i think i am lucky to keep my job during all that period my productivity dropped much compared with the period before starting this addiction even my self-confidence my focus all changed.

i have closed all my credit cards, i still i have 3 installment to close my loan then i will have only my family loans. I am in my recovery way but in the last two years I have replaced 5 or 6 times two of them was tough.

 for me is trying to minimize the damage to the minimum if the relapse cost me 500$ I can pass it and It will not really heart me but once it really goes out of control like last week’s relapse I lost 4500$ and if I had an access to 45,000 $ I might lost it in the same period.  Such relapse really breaks me down 4500$ could cover all the pending installments on my loan. But I have just lost it like this.

 

 

from two years till now i am really trying hard to stop my addiction i succeeded to stop it for 3 to 4 months many times after that i will had a relapse for a week or two then start over for 3 or 4 months then relapse again.

 

i think it is enough for now i will write again with more details this my help me to overcome my addiction.

Anyone here had the same type of addiction?

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Dark Energy]

so far so good, my self steam started to come back slowly the last two days was very though. i think part of it was due to sleep depredation where for the last week i was following the market charts 24/5 .

in the last two days i slept a lot and this long sleeping really helped me today i felt fresh and more confidant.

[charles]

Hi Darkenergy and welcome. Well done on looking for help. I have known many people who gamble through the markets – it can be as much a form of gambling as any other.

Well done on the steps you have taken so far. See if you can get yourself banned from the sites you use to trade.

You have stopped before and you can stop again. This time though you won’t be doing it on your own – keep posting here.

[Dark Energy]

thanks Charles for your support, 

you know what is really annoying is that it very difficult to convince a forex trader who is still at the early stage that what he is doing is a gambling, the trading comes with a cover if you asked me at the first two years i will explain that the difference between trading and gambling is that it is not a game of chance and it is based on technical and fundamental analysis and it based on strategies and chart reading .. …. Etc. and this partially true but if you add few factors :

1: the broker is offering a huge leverage 1:500 some of them 1:1000. 

2: you are your own poss, it is your money , if you put the limit for maximum lose per trade to be 2% of your capital, no one can stop you from change it to 5% 10% or even more after few losing trades ” due to chasing losess” or after few wining trades ” due to the euphoria”. How is this different than gambling?? Regardless to the analysis that led you take a decision  to buy or to sell.

i realy can write alot in this regard but i will keep it short today.

one more thing regarding the leverage :

last year the EU and UK regulators  limited the leverage to 1:25 and the US regulators has done the same few years back by limiting the leverage to 1:50 in forex trading. but the online brokers are like the casinos they always find solution buy shifting their registration to some countries like Australia where these rules are not applied and they still offer a huge leverage.

regarding  banning my self it is not possible, i have checked with them and the number of online brokers is huge even if it is possible to bane yourself it is not practical.

what worked so far for me based on this two years experiance:

1: i should not have any form of Debit credit or pre-paid cards

2: all the accounts with the brokers shold be closed.

this will give me only a grace period of 8 to 24 hrs becuase within that period I can get a perpaied card and i can active a online forex trading account and start again.

the 3: point which is the most important one is not to keep any extra money with you.

i broke the rule 1 few months ago to keep a prepaid card to pay some utility bills online or to order sonline then i broke the rule 3 few weeks back and i kept 2500$ extra cash in my home as a “back up ” after that it tooks me only a 10 days to relapse again .

now i have started over i closed that prepaid card and I have closed the trading account and i will face a 3 tite monthes becasue of my last relapse i have to cover some payments that i didn’t pay becasue of the relapse so I wll not have extra money for the next 3 months.

[Dark Energy]

I will keep it a habit to add a new comment daily this will keep me grounded and will suppress any foolish idea to start trading again.

[Dark Energy]

so far so good, no thoughts to trades, but the regret still hitting from time to time, the lose still fresh. and i need time to forget it.

[Dark Energy]

one week passed since my last relapse, every thing looks fine, i have resumed my diet and i will go to GYM today, no thoughts to gamble and i was busy in the work today.
this the 7th Day i will keep posting.

[Dark Energy]

it seams the real challenge will be when the money comes back, when i have extra money the urge will start but as of now i am not feeling any urge to trade “because i don’t have extra money”.
actually i can say this is a progress i remember a time when I was continue trading even with my rent and my food money but for the last 2 years with a 4 relapses I didn’t go that far .

[Dark Energy]

9th day, nothing to say Today,

[Dark Energy]

posting for posting, i don’t have any thing to add.
it as another day free of gambling addiction,

[Dark Energy]

thanks RG for your support,

here we understand each other and we are learning from each other.

i have read some of your posts, i am sorry that you have relapsed recently and glad that you have start over with this high spirit, don’t beat yourself the relapse is part of the recovery, just try to think of strategies to prevent the relapse or to minimize the cost of the relapse.  depending only on our willpower is not enough , the life is difficult and complicated at some point a trigger could led us to gamble again, but adding a prevention strategies should help to reduce these relapses.

[Dark Energy]

so far so good,

[Dark Energy]

12th day posting for posting, every thing is OK no gambling thoughts no urges no regret. focused more on my life.

[Dark Energy]

13th day

[Dark Energy]

14th day

[Dark Energy]

Thanks RG for the motivation, i am realy a bit in low mode from yesterday i hope tomorrow will be better,

i met a frind of mine who has left his job 6 months ago and he still looking for a job, this trigered the regret about all the money that i lost and how i am still in realy bad financial situation and if the same happened to me i will be in a real disaster ( in spite the situation now  is much better than two years ago).

the regret of loseing an almost 5 years of my life( as a life) is tough, and also loseing an almost 10 years of svaings. it is realy hard but it happened and i can’t change the past.

i realy wondering if this regret will go away or it will be a dark spot that will never be removed.

[Dark Energy]

15th day

[Dark Energy]

16th day

[Dark Energy]

this the 17th day since recovery, i am more focused on the work but still I have some regret feelings from time to time.
i think the regret feeling will go once i am in a good financial situation. let us see.

[Dark Energy]

18th day

[Dark Energy]

19th day

[Dark Energy]

20th

[Dark Energy]

3 weeks passed since the last relapse, I don’t have urges at all to gamble, just the consequences of the last relapse are makes me feel depressed, I will have a 3 hard months to recover from the last relapse financially.
the regret still hitting me, I am feeling depressed about the last relapse and about the 5-6 years of my life that i have wast.
I know that I have to come over it, and the small progress that I have in the other aspects of life helps.( i back to gym my weight loss plan back on track).but it is hard to overcome the the consequences of 5 to 6 years of addiction.

[i-did-it]

Hi DE
That is amazing progress. Well done.
In one more week you have your first month done.
Try not to look back but to accept that you gambled and lost and now that you have moved on from that .
Keep posting !

[Dark Energy]

thanks for the support.

this is the 22nd day,.

[i-did-it]

Keep going!
Hope it’s getting easier

[Dark Energy]

thanks I-did-it, the last two days were perfect no urge to gamble; no regret about the losses. i hope it will continue like this

[portnoy58]

Well done darkenergy0138,I hope you continue to drink deeply from the joy of not being out of control. But don’t forget that it took you years to get here so you are unlikely to arrive at a solution in a handful of days ; 30 days to six years sort of ratio thing. Someone used to say to me back in the early days: hey Portnoy now you have stopped gambling there are three situations when you are most vulnerable to gambling again: firstly when you are really happy, secondly when you are really down …. and when I asked what is the third situation he replied any other time in between the highs and the lows.

I know of one indivdual who went back out for more action after 22 years: he came back to a GA meeting brimming over with self-pity and he was told unceremoniously by the chair that his problem was he had started counting the years and not the days and he was reminded that he should stay for the whole meeting and not, as was his habit, to slope off at the half way break!

There is no quick fix to this insanity. Work it on a daily basis and be grateful for any period of 24 hours you can achieve
without gambling. Good luck.

[Dark Energy]

thanks  portnoy58 for the advice and support,

it was hard for me to admit the truth ( once a gambler always a gambler). but finally I learned it the hard way. and now I am in peace with my self I know i am a gambler and if i have access money a credit card or a debit card and an online trading account for sure I will trade (gamble) again ( i may resist for few days but at the end i will slip).  i know I can’t depened only on my will-power to stop gambling so I am bulding prevention stratigies to help me.

[portnoy58]

Well done DE, roadblocks are essential at the beginning and the thing is this … it keeps on getting better. Let me assure you, the best is yet to come, for me and for you!  Wonderful!

[Dark Energy]

26th Day

[Dark Energy]

thanks RG for you support,
28 days passed so far so good.

[Dark Energy]

29th day

[Dark Energy]

one month passed since the last relapse, i still have another 2 tough months to cover the financial mess that the last relapse cussed. i have no urge to gamble, the regret still comes from time to time but it is much less than before.
so far so good.

[Taz32]

Keep up the good work and stay strong!!

[Dark Energy]

thanks Taz32 for the support,

today is the 33rd day, i don’t have any thing add.

[Dark Energy]

34th day

[Dark Energy]

36th day. every thing is fine, the last 7 days were tough on me, because it is the first week of the month and I have to squeeze salary to cover my expensise and to cover what i didn’t pay in the last month because of the relapse, now every thing is settled, i will still have another two tough months but it is OK, this is only a financial trouble.
the real test will start after two months where i will have extra money monthly after covering all my expenses the real challenge for my addiction will start .

[Taz32]

Great going,!!
don’t think about what you have lost, you are never going to get it back through gambling.
Dont think too much far ahead just take it as one day at a time..
All the best..

[Dark Energy]

44th day, so far so good.
thanks RG & Taz for the support and advice.

[Dark Energy]

the 47th day

[Dark Energy]

the 50th day, still i need another 40 days to overcome the financial consequences of the last relapse. i believe my mode will be much better at that stage, and I will back to have extra money. my loan will be finished,  I will have only the loan from my family.

i have gone far in the financial recovery I have been in very deep hole, I could have recover a year back or so but the few relapses that i had cost me this extra year ( we learn from our experiences)  I hope i will stay strong and i will not relapse again.

 

in general everything is fine in regards to the gambling no more urges,

but the regret and the low mode  is the problem as of now, I don’t have that much load at work to keeps me busy, the thoughts about the mistakes that i have done keeps me in low mode.

 

It seems i need a few years of 100% dedication and focus to recover from all the consequences of this addiction, I am really 5 to 8 years behind in almost every aspect of my life (financially, friends, family & marriage, work …etc) in the last two years I have done some good progress in some aspects it seems the regret feeling will not go until  I recover in all these aspects.

a strange thought came now as I am typing the above paragraph is it “chasing losses”  similar to chasing the financial losses but i am now chasing the losses in each aspect my life ??

and this what keeps me feel in low mode and keeps the regret feeling?? and i have to stop chasing these years of losses in each aspect of my life to feel good again? 

[amg077]

My friend, investments also can be an addiction. I used to have a friend that share your same forex adiction. I started gambling because of the same reason as you: a second source of income. Unfortunately few people succeed in trading and all that stuff.

I have investments but in a safer way. (I did not take the investment decitions and someone else does it for me).

I identify with you in many situations: I also owe money and I am working hard to recover it but it will take a couple of years.

Dont give up and lets continue fighting for this!

[Taz32]

Keep going, you will get there. 

[Dark Energy]

I have managed to recover from the financial consequences of the last relapse earlier than what I have expected, so the real challenge started today.
I have payed all my bills for this month and transferred the extra money to a joint account, this will protect me from the temptation to trade with the this extra money.

Two months passed since the relapse, I can say i am in a much better situation.

thank you all and hope you all a life free of addiction.

[i-did-it]

Hi DE So delighted to read of your  progress .

Life is looking a lot brighter for you now and well done on the actions you have taken . Keep strong

[Hemo0]

Hello Brother
Reading your story i was thinking that was just me, i have wasted 15 years of my life trading forex, and my losses though was not as much as yours were devastating, you are right, as a trader you do not realize you are merely a gambler until years have passed, no mattee how good trading strategy you have it will still be fascinating how one can click buy or sell and double his account or lose it all in minutes, pure gambling.

[Dark Energy]

thanks for the support as long i am away from trading “gambling” everything will be better and better.

[Dark Energy]

It took me 2 years to hit rock bottom and to realize that I was gambling and I have become an addict to gambling.

a lot of traders that i know are arguing that there is a difference!! NO there no difference it is worse because it has a cover “trading”.

[Dark Energy]

I am keep posting to stay close from this forum’s community and to always be reminded that I am a gambler, I have been visiting this forum less than what i have used to do in the first month, I guess this part of a relapse cycle ” to think that your now having the control”, in the last 2 years i have succeeded to stay out of gambling for 3 months for many times but after that i have relapsed,
I am recognizing a relapse cycle that I have to break this time

1. The cycle will start with recover financially and having extra money under your disposal ( done).
2. Start having thoughts to trade “gambling again” ( started)
3. having the delusion that now I am ok and I can control myself ( i am fighting this thought right now).
4. breaking the preventions strategies ( not started yet)
5. Fighting your urges it a stage where al the road blockers are gone and it is only your rational you fighting the gambler you( last time this stage took 10 days and it was as really tough).( not started yet)

6. relapse.

it seems it is a tradeoff between feeling normal (with a an increased risk of relapse) or keep admitting that you are a gambler and always will be (then you will have a less risk to relapse). for me I will take the 2nd option.

[i won a new life]

I read your story and it makes sense getting out of debt and having money is a huge trigger for a relapse.

I never traded forex , but a similar type of margin trading don’t miss the days of seeing my account being liquidated, totally gambling.

I thing a long term investment in the SMP 500 would be a safer bet.

Congratulations on your gamble free time sound like life is getting better for you.

[Hemo0]

You are a very intelligent man darkenergy0138, you have came to realize in 2 years what i have failed to see in 15 years, only the last 3 years that i have realized the pattern you described above, having extra money after recovering from a financial set back, then thinking that you have control on trading then why not try and never let go of the dream of financial freedom e.t.c

Please keep posting updates you have a brilliant way in describing our forex addiction. 

[Dark Energy]

thanks Hemo0 for your support and comments.
I was not able to find your journal to read your story and progress, I hope your are doing well in fighting this addiction.

[Dark Energy]

thanks “I Won a New life” for your suport.
I agree with your comments regarding the ivestment, i can;t see an issue in investing if it is done without a leverage,  and eveen I am ok with trading long term under certain condition.

but this part of me is damaged and i can’t control it and if i will do it in the future it will be with the monitioring and control of a close family member.

[Dark Energy]

this the 74th day, I don’t have any urges or thoughts to gamble, every things looks fine.

[Dark Energy]

the 81st day, so far so good, it is getting easier as the time passes but this makes me more cautious this feeling of getting the control is part of my relapse cycle.
always i should remember once a gambler always a gambler.

[Dark Energy]

It is the 97th day, My life is getting better but the trading” gambling ” thoughts are popping up many times during the day. I have recovered financially so I am having some extra money and the gambling ideas comes with it.

However this time i am determined, focused and I will never go back to day zero, I know once I put my first trade I will be a different person, my mind will not be functioning rationally and i will lose all the money that i have within few days. nothing changed the market is the market and my brain still the same so no need for another trial.

it is easier now to fight back the gambling thoughts i hope this will be much easier as the time passes. i have crossed the 90 days limit which was my maximum gambling-free period as I remember, and i am 3 days away from a 100 day gambling free, i really wonder how my life will be at after a1000 days. i am only 97 days and i am really seeing a lot of good results in each aspect of my life.

I hope you all doing well in fighting this addiction.

[Dark Energy]

this is the 99th day free of gambling, reading my previous posts and reading the other stories and updates from the other members in this community really helped me to stay strong and away from gambling.

I am having some urges to gambling right now, i am checking the forex charts I can see some good trade opportunities I have the money; I can cross all the road blocker that I have built & within 24 hrs i can be able to place trading orders but NO. NOT THIS TIME .. IT IS OVER.. I WILL NOT GO BACK TO THIS LOOP OF RELAPSE AND RECOVERY. I WILL NOT DO IT.

i am keeping a small amount of extra money with me, i have to resist the temptation to trade, i know i am putting my self at risk of relapse i know i am breaking some of my rules but i should have a backup with me for any emergency and in the other hand it is a step to the next level of recovery where I have control over my money like a normal person “or this what my gambling mind try to convince me to do”.

the money management part is really hard in this addiction and the transition from keep all the money away from you TO a stage where you take the control back is really hard and it is a thin line between feeling normal again or relapse again.

i know i am a bit confused now, my gambler brain is trying to rationalize the trading to me and my rational brain is trying to fight it back.

[Steev]

A relapse starts with the planning and the preparation.  The making time for – the checking out – the making the finances available.  You need to take action now to ensure that you don’t go back to gambling. Talk to people here on a 1-2-1 or in a support group to look at what is going on for you.  Build up your defences and if you need to, hand over control of your finances.  You must keep strong.  I wish you well.

[Dark Energy]

Thanks, But i am just wondering is it a perminant illness. And i will never gain the control back again.

Or a time will come when i will get over this gambling urges and i can trust my self on the extra money again.

[Dark Energy]

I think i know the answer Once a gambler always a gambler.

But the thought that i will never gain the control back agin is depressing. 

And in the other hand if i can gain it back gradually when this should start i am now 100 days free of gambling is it safe to try gradually from now or i should give it more time

[Steev]

I went back to gambling on my modality, (slots, casino games) after 3 years of abstinence. After a few weeks I was as bad as ever and knew I had to stop. I also tried gambling by other methods (lottery, scratch-cards) and although they didn’t take off in the same way, I didn’t like the mind games and emotions they invoked – so gave them up as well. I now consider myself a non-gambler.

I don’t feel depressed about that. I feel my life has expanded a lot, now that I am not spending hours in rooms with no windows and clocks – watching bright flashing lights and spinning wheels. I saw life without gambling as a challenge which I have met head on. There are other, safer ways to make money which might not give you the thrills – but will make your life much more interesting in the long run. If you want thrills – use the money to by waterskii lessons, sky dive or whatever works for you. You need to find your own way. I wish you well.

[Dark Energy]

it is really tough days i hope i will pass it without relapse.
I am recognizing a repeated scenario where my brain is tired fighting the urges until it reach to a degree where the relapse is the way to release this pressure.

it happened to me many times during the relapse, after few days of trading with complete engagement, thinking and sleep-depredations i will start trading irrationally untill my account get wiped out, but i will not rest if I am having extra money so i will be throughing the money away in very fast way and in completely irrational trades just to reach to a degree where i don’t have any extra money and then i will be at rest

it seems the brain is trying to protect itself from the pressure by gambling in the first case and by gambling to the last penny in the next case just to release the pressure.

[Dark Energy]

the urges that attacked me in the last few days are now gone, i don’t know why but I think part of it because i have been reading in the forum and I read that one of the members relapsed, i read how he felt after the relapse and each word he wrote it was describing my relapses, it felt like I am the one who relapse.
i felt really sorry for him and for me, it reminded me how i have relapsed in the past and how i was feeling after that, it is strange but reading my own notes here in this forum or in my diary didn’t had the same impact on me, i don’t know why? but i am glad the urges are gone for now, i guess i will be safe for a cupule of days before it attacks me again.

i don’t know what the correct English word that will describe what i am feeling when i read the other members disrobing their emotion their feeling before, during and after the relapse. it is like reading your own diary but it is written by some one else. (my English let me down here i don’t know how to describe what i am feeling but it is a strange feeling).

i hope you recover fast and stay strong MurrS7, the relapse it part of the recovery.

[Dark Energy]

no urges, nothing really to add, just living my life free of gambling for the 103rd day. i hope this will continue.

[Dark Energy]

the days are adding up, today is the 106th day GF, it is getting easier at this stage to fight the gambling urges. it seems i have broken my relapse cycle this time.

[vera]

Breaking the relapse cycle gives us strength and hope for a gamble free life.
Well done on your G free days!

[Dark Energy]

the 110th Day, still going well.
thanks Vera for your comments, yes it seems I have breaked the cycle this time, i have explained it in one of my comments up normally it takes me 3 months from the relapse to the next relapse and i have presumed it is related to having the extra money.

and in spite i have recovered financially after two months this time, and i had extra money since the end of the 2nd month but the real urges started at the end of the 3rd month and i resist for a week then it gone as of now and for the last week or more I don’t have urges at all to gamble,
i don’t know when the urges will hit me again, but it seems my rational part is gaining ground in this war it is getting easier as the time passes.

[jemma ruggel]

I have been reading Murr’s account myself and it has the same effects against my urges…his experiences especially the vivid descriptions of how he feels after every rockbottom has touched me so much that it has discouraged me many times from opening an online casino account (as I excluded myself in the on land casinos) whenever i have the strong urges.

I am very happy for your successful road to recovery. You put effort on it and now you are reaping the good results. Wish you a continued gambling free life forever.

[Dark Energy]

Today is the 120th day “4 months passed”, every thing is fine, Just I am dealing with the aftermath, I am trying to repair my life as much as i can and as fast as I can.

[Dark Energy]

still going well, but today was tough on me i was very close to relapse but i have survived.
it is funny how I was convinced that this time could be different!! i was really convinced!! it really strikes me how vulnerable I am even after a 160 GF days.
nothing changed why it will be different?? at least the rational part of me won this time. but the headache and the anxiety are unbearable . I will try to sleep now to wakeup fresh to fight for another day tomorrow.

it has been long time since the last time i post here. hope you all are doing well.
bye for now it has been a tough day

[Dark Energy]

still i have thoughtsurges to start trading “gambling ” again. frankly I know from where it came, it didnot come Out of the blue.
I have broke some rules of my prevention strategy, for instance i have a prepaid card (so the road is open and I can send money to any online broker if I have a trading account) . and I have kept a small amount 1000$ in addition to my monthly expenses with me as an emergency fund and i didn’t send it to the joint account (where the money will be protected from my impulsive behavior.).

I am pushing my limits a bit to live a normal life, I am finding out there is a minmum level of access to extra money and to debit card is required to live normally, I should have at least a debit card for the online payments and some backup money a small amount for any emergency. I know i am playing with the fire, but i think i have earned the right to try to push my limits a bit more after a 161 days GF ( I have never gone that far ever).

I am really wondering if the gambler insides me took the control? or the rational part of me is writing this post?. well, the results will answer this question.
so far it is not easy, but i am surviving will see if the urges will go in the coming days.

[Steev]

You may wish to read Ken’s post – “relapse symptoms” in the recovery tools part of the forum. This one spoke to me:
Got it made; no longer fear relapse. Going into a slippery situation to prove you have no problem. Do this often enough and it will wear down your defences. Don’t test yourself: there is no payoff.

I remember an academic telling me – relapse doesn’t begin when you place the bet – it is all the thoughts that go into it long before. Be careful.

[Dark Energy]

hi steve,
respect your post and the concerns from the relapse. but I have to progress a bit, I read alot about the addiction and relapse and no need to go to read the post that you mention, I kew exactly what you mean. I am fighting this addiction for the last couple of years.and this year i am seeing progress, i am learning from my mistakes and from the others as well but every one is different you need to taylar a strategy to fit you ( your lifeyour personality …etc).

for me I don’t want to live in a state of fear for the rest of my life, such life it is not worth living. ( you can stop gambing by putting your self in solitary confinement “metaphorically”, and you will garantee that you will not relapse, but is it a worth living life?  the answer at least from my prespective is NO.

I kept some extra money and a prepaid card with me this time which is the bar mimum that i need to live a normal life ( many payments has to be payed by card in my country, and paying cash is not an option for example for the car regestration renewal ..etc) and having some extra money a small amount ( that even if I relapse it will not break me)  is worth keeping so I can live a normal life again.

in a gambling termes i am risking a small amount to win my life againg. if i lost that small amount that i kept with me it will not break me and it will not effect me that much becuase the rest is protected and i don’t have access to.

a month and half passed since i got the prepaied card and a two weeks passed since the i kept the extra money with me, and as I can see the urges to gamble are fading.

again thanks for your post, but here I am trying to tayler what fits my paersonality & my life. if it goes well then this is great. if i relapse it is a controlled relapse as i mentioned above it will not hearts me too much.

[Seanraj4731]

Good day man. I have read your progress from your day 1 and i must say you have come a long way to self recovery and see self worth. Steev made a good point on looking at where you are and where the triggers can be. See yourself moving forward. Yes i have been carrying my credit card and bank card in my wallet and i realize i gonna give my wife to hold it because i know my triggers. You know yours and your awareness of them. Look at your best life now why set your self back to that first day you lost money by putting that same feelings, emotions and thoughts over again, even if you lost a small amount. Be careful brother. Make a complete change. I have been there many times. You have progressing well thus far keep it up. Yes we are all different and unqiue in our own way but when it becomes to gambling addictions and taking risks, it can lead you down a destructive mindset. Call it what you may but a relapse is a relapse be mindful. Review your comment you made on day 67. On relapse.

Brother only you gonna make that bold step from this moment on, to know who you are and where you are. I appreciate your thoughts. And keep sharing. Stay positive man. Look at this from different angles and you make the best decision to tailor your lifestyle. Be addicted to self worth

[Seanraj4731]

Observed a positive mind set here and see that you are in recovering mode applied and continue to use this systematically. You got this brother.

[Steev]

I understand that you may not be able to limit your personal finances and need a prepaid card, I was unable to when in action which was one of the things that made my recovery so difficult and prolonged.

I am concerned at the idea of a controlled relapse – which sounds to me as if you are already planning for this.  You say it will not hurt you too much …  I know how devastated I was when I relapsed – even when it was for a small amount because I felt I had let myself down.  At the end of the day, you will do what you will do – and all I can do is voice my concerns.  Just think about it.  I wish you well.

[Dark Energy]

respect your comment but you didn’t got my point.
for me i can’t live in (Solitary confinement ) to protect my self from relapsing. but I can give my self a bit of freedom under limits.

remember here we are not talking about whether to gamble again or no, we both know the answer is no. We are talking about adding more freedom that will let me gain more confident and well let me live a normal life,  and that comes with the temptations that may lead to gambling again. in another way reducing the road blockers a bit as I progress in the recovery.

knowing and admitting that I am a gammbler and I will never give the full control over all my money to my self. I have control only in a very small amount of my money and this is alone is enough for me and will prvent me from lossing it all if I relapsed.

here I must add also I disagree with you regarding (all the relapses are the same). no they are not.
there is a difference I have have relapsed many times before, in fact i don’t mind to relapse once each 3 month and lose only a 100$ for example for the rest of my life. compared to relapse once every year and lose every thing I have each time.

if you have a very small amount under your desposal and the rest of your money is controlled and protected, and you have relapsed, the relapse will not go far it will stop once you lose all the money that is under your disposal in it is maximum. it will annoy you but it will not breaks you, your bills will be payed and you will still have the financial security that your protected money is giving you.

compare this with a person having a full control over his money, you don’t know when the game will stop, most likely it will end once he lose every thing. but if this (every thing that you have under your disposal) is only a smalll part of your mony then this what i mean by a controled relapse.

final i hope you can see that I am trying to push my recovery limits a bit, today I have reched the 165th day. and i am not going to live in (a state of fear in a Solitary confinement ) for the rest of my life such life is not worth living.
a controlled limit of freedom may be the solution for me. I am not advocationg this or asking any one to do the same i am recording here what i am doing and i don’t know what my next post will carry it may be a sucsses or a controlled relapse but i am sure that i am protected from a deep relapse since the protection stratigy is already in place.

[Dark Energy]

I just explained what i mean by (controlled relapse) in another post,
it is planing ahead if a relapse happen how far it can go, the answer for me is all the money under my disposal, then to control how far the relapse can go i need to conrol the limit of the money that is under my disposal.
i am not planning to trade again at all, just i am loosining the rope a little bit.

also regarding the relapse maybe we are different personality but for me as i just wrote in the other post if it didn’t go deep I can live with it.
remember the gambling addiction that I have is (online trading)  so it may be slightly different in my case. I didn’t went deep on this but i beleive there could be differeces based on the kind of gambling that you have.

for me I have nevered tryed to place a bet on a sport or to play the casino games online..etc. i beleive I will not be hooked by it ( i don’t dare to try ) but i belive i will not be hooked by it.
I know the women are more hooked with the slot machine and the men on cards and sports betting. there could be some differences in the treatment as well.

[Seanraj4731]

Brother that the end of it all you are you and you are able to make your own decisions. My mantra to beat this addiction is ” Why Do Something Over &Over Expecting a Different Result?” 

I am just expressing a concern. Thank you. Stay strong.

[Dark Energy]

going well, no urges; no thoughts at all to gamble, actually i just notice while i am writing the first sentence in this post that it has been long time since i have a bad thoughts about all the money that i lost. I love this indifference state that i have reached regarding that lost money I hope this will continue. don’t get me wrong ofcurse losing money is bad but to keep thinking about it is much worst. 

i hope this ( indifference feeling about the lost money will continue ).

nothing to add, just living my life, fighting the real life challenges ( which is a lot, specially after a years of gambling coma).

[Dark Energy]

well, 10 days more to reach 6 moths GF.

[Dark Energy]

the issue with trading addiction is that there is no good books or a clear definition to it. for me i am dealing with it as a normal gambling addiction. but it is quite different.

it is between real life trading ( like buying a house at a low price and sell it after a year at a higher price) an a pure gambling ( like a slot machine or a roulette).

I may explain it in this way

if we put a scale from 1 to 100 ( you can call it gambling scale) where 1 is just for normal trading in the real life and 100 is for playing a pure gambling game like a roulette in the casino. moving from 1 to up is moving closer to the gambling.

but at what stage we can say this activity is a gambling??? a 50 at this scale ? A 50 is the middle between both ( i don’t know what it will be a good example for 50, but It could be taking a risky investment like opening a new restaurant where you invest all your money on it and you don’t have a good knowledge in this kind of business)

I may add here another example from the upper part of the scale, like sport betting you can give it a 90 but for sure it is not 100. it carry  some kind of analysis ( it is not a pure luck like a slot machine ).

trading forex or stocks in the market it can really takes all the places from 1 to 100 based on how you are doing it. For instance :

• if you put your money with an index fund and kept it there for years it may represent 1 in the scale.
• if you select some diversified shares and kept it for few years it may represent 5 in the scale
• but if you are changing them once each year you will go up in the scale say you reached 10,
• if you trade them monthly you will continue going up say 15,
• if you trade them daily you are at the middle range may be 40 but if you trade them like CFDs with a leverage say 1:25 and daily you have crossed the 50 level for sure,
• if you use a 1:500 leverage and follow the charts minute by minute then for sure you are at the 80 to 100 level.

Once I discuss the online trading as a gambling like behavior it is hard to convince a trader who is at the upper level of this scale that he is gambling because he thinks that he is trading. And harder to convince the trader who is at the 2nd quarter of this scale that he is at a risk of addiction as well

Well, this is my attempt to explain why this kind of addiction is difficult and how it could take you years before you know even that you are an addict which is exactly what happened with me.

also it is an attempt to say to deal with an addiction to activity at level 25 is different than dealing with addiction to activity at level 75. because the first is not an obvious gambling.

i believe you can’t tell by yourself if a low level activity is really effecting you, may be a friend or a partner who can see your mood changes, your excessive thought, …… and the other gambling symptoms that you may not be able to see it by yourself.

[Ady]

Hi. Somehow I do understand what you are saying. But to me it is still gambling. Why? Because it is driven by the same factors. Greed and not knowing when to stop. Professionals in trading, just as the professional gambler, do not chase losses. They just minimize them. They do take losses as well. But not so high like us. And they seem to have limits. We, addicts, we don’t. For us, if we get to break even, we go again, maybe this time we also win more and more…For them, if they get to break even after a downfall, they call iit a a day, they go home. Investopedia says that trading without deep knowledge is gambling. Like if someone holds a losing position without knowing the exact reason why that stock is going down, and simply hoping it will come back on green, that is already gambling. 

Be strong, keep it up, don’t give chances for relapse. The goal should be to stop completely, not partially.

Keep it up!

[Dark Energy]

you quite miss what i was trying to explaining, i am not saying online trading is not a gambling it is but under certain conditions. i am saying there is a point at which a normal activity like trading moves up in the scale from 1 to 100.

I can’t say putting part of my money in index fund is considered gambling( it is investing). also I can’t say buying a house and sell it once it is price goes up is a gambling (it is a trading). you can say it metaphoricly for the risk that is involved if you are in a country where it is market expected to collapse and you are putting all your money on that single investment or trade …etc.

saying trading is gambling is not correct, I think to judge if a trading activity is gambling or not two factors should be considered:
1: risk: are you trading with part of your money, are you using a leverage? if yes what it is 1:2 or 1:500 ? are you trading for your self or for a company that monitor your activity. if the risk is too high it is a gambling regardless to the reppetion.
2: the repetition : is it once for an open period of years “investing” , is it for a period of one year or two, a month or few months, this clould be consider trading if the risk is low.  but if the repetion goes up to trade each few minute or seconds then regardless how small the risk is, it is a gambling.

finally there is a big scale of different combinations between the risk and repetition in trading ( whether it is done physically or through an electronic way) but at which level we can consider it gambling frankly i don’t know, and here i think my best guess is to monitor the feelings and emotional effects that this activite provoke if it has real noticiable impact then it is gambling.

[Dark Energy]

six months passed without trading (gambling).

[Dark Energy]

after all this period it become easier to win the argument against the gambler inside you. the thoughts to gamble are easily defeated, they are still coming from time to time, it become more easier to defeat these ideas as time pass.
well, after the 6 months marker , the next target is the 200 days (13 more days to go).
still i am re-building my self, I need another 1 to 2 years, to reach a good stage in each aspect of my life. i have been digging a hole for 6 years, and it is not realistic to back to surface in 6 months.

[Dark Energy]

Day#1 Again

[Dark Energy]

i have reached to the day 189 free of gambling then I relapsed.
the relapse period was 4 days i have convinced my self to stop in the 3rd day and i have stopped but in the 4th day i start over chasing my losses.

day one was a win: doubled my account, i withdraw the capital and a small profit on the top of it, and kept 500$ which is a profit to trade with,
day#2 as usual, lost the 500$, and re-deposited my capital and lost it, and add more on the top of that and i lost it as well.
it was a relief ( yes it was), for two days i was not able to focus at all i was monitoring the market on the laptop on the smart phone all the time and every where at work while driving, in the meetings.., i was anxtious during that period, so it was a relief that this is over and i will back to my life again ( I really think this is a mechanisem that the mind is using to release the stress, i was doing a rational trades in the first day, but starting from day 2 it went wrong) i have noticed this before in previous relapses.

day#3 was off
day#4 I squeezed my budget and find a 135$ that i can trade with , i putted in the trading account ( it went up and down ) the end i lost another 80 $.

today the market is off for two days it is a chance to recover, to close every thing and rebuild the road blockers.

the relapse didn’t hearts me much like the previous relapse, becasue it was a controlled ( the control was the extra money that i kept with me 1000$) i went and 80$ beyound that.

as a conclusion
1: it seems this addiction is like a permanent illness i have to live with it for the rest of my life ( some people have high plod pressure , or diabetes , and i have this addiction) so i have to deal with it.
2: i should not reduce the road blockers, i have reduced the road blockers to let my self to feel normal again ( but the reality is that I am not normal) this part of me is broken i can’t control my self. so i will not reduce the road blockers this time.

this a new start, it is part of recovery.

[Rdy4Chng]

Just reading your thread and I’m sorry you have relapsed. 

It just does go to show that even after so much time, there is still always that possibility to gamble. We must always make the choice not to gamble. We don’t know when to say NO. If you had had more money available there is a good chance you would have lost that too. (I know I would have)
Try not to focus on your 4 days of relapse but rather focus on your 189 days sober (Gf). In my opinion it is that time that matters and that’s where you need to get back to.
I am only on day 3 so I have a lot of catching up to do to even get to that point. Keep your head up!

[kin]

I am sorry to read about your slips. This journey continue.
Nobody loses in recovery. You either win or you learn a lesson.

[Dark Energy]

Thanks Rdy4Chng, i realy need to keep my head up. I felt hope less and depressed for few days but yesterday and today as well i am feeling much better i think i overcome this initial stage. From now on it is just to keep my road blockers in place and i hope i will be fine.

I read you thread, you need to put a lot of road blockers To help you don’t depend on willpower (it will not work alone).

Thanks again and keep it up. 

[Dark Energy]

Thanks kin, yes and what i learned this time is what i mentioned in my post (this is a perminant illness and i have to live with it) and nover to reduce the road blockers.

[Dark Energy]

Day#1 again, relapsed again and i have start over today, it is time to set and see what is wrong in one month period i have relapsed 4 times after more than 6 months without gambling.

[Dark Energy]

start counting again, been there before many times, i become expert in that, I will need another 4 to 5 days to pull my self up again from this low mood. the time will pass but i am really tired from these relapses.

[Dark Energy]

Day#3

[Dark Energy]

Day#4, I am getting better daily, I believe i need another 2 to 3 days to back to my normal state.

[Dark Energy]

Day#5, one day at a time

[Dark Energy]

Day#6, so far so good.

[Dark Energy]

one week passed, i back to my normal status, i am focusing again in my work , i going to the GYM, I am taking care of my diet, I am focusing again on living my life in the right way.
now I can see this momentum will push me for another 100 days or so.

[Min83]

Hi, how are you? 

I’ve read your journal and you did so well!

So I am sure, you can do it again and even more controlled way! 

I just started to stop gambling (14days free) and I have not get any urges yet. 

But i know it can come back to me anytime so that is why I admire you that you did 186days! 

I am sure this time, you can handle it much better and i hope i can do like you did when I get urges. 

Be strong and let’s beat this evil. 

[Dark Energy]

Day#9: my self confidence is coming back, actually the relapse didn’t set me back to square one, I am feeling I am in a up trend.

[Dark Energy]

10 days, today I have implemented an additional steps.
earlier i have closed my trading account, but i was able to re-open it within 24 hr, now i have make this more difficult the account is linked to my email so i have closed this email permanently, so it will be very difficult to re-open a trading account with the same broker.
I am always hesitate before using a new broker and since it is very difficult to re-open the account with the old broker so this is an additional step to help me to fight this addiction.

[Dark Energy]

Day#11

[Dark Energy]

Day#12

[i-did-it]

Well done Darkenergy on the additional barriers you have put in place – I know for me I had to make it impossible to gamble before I could start to work on other recovery stuff.

Keep strong and keep working at it.

[Dark Energy]

thanks i-did-it for your suport.

[Dark Energy]

Day#14 so far so good

[i-did-it]

Well done Darkenergy.
2 weeks is fabulous .

[Dark Energy]

thanks i-did-it, i hope you all the best

[Rdy4Chng]

Good job! Keep going! 

[Dark Energy]

Day#17,

[i-did-it]

Well done – keep strong x

[Dark Energy]

thanks I-did-it

[Dark Energy]

Day#21

[HPT]

Hope that you are better now… I have a similar problem with stocks and options trading…

I sell options and invest in stocks, most of the years I make money, but some months have a big loss..

what you wrote above:

“the 3: point which is the most important one is not to keep any extra money with you.”

it also help me, and would like to share the investment idea that work for me, and have less cash available for gambling…

A few years ago, when I also take some loses… I start withdraw money from my trading accounts, to buy rental properties with mortgages, in that way, since the money is invested in the property, I didn’t have access, when “hot opportunities” show in the market…

Income property investment, offers you less than 1% risk of failure. According to Home Loan Bank Board, in 2019 less than one home mortgage in hundred was foreclosed. So if you save money for a down payment, get a mortgage and buy a house, in 20 or 30 years, you have 99% of having this house without mortgage, clean, which probably will be worth more than it worth today, and if you start doing that after 3 or 5 years you can refinance to buy to rent, another one, and repeat the process…

you will not have too much cash available for gambling since it’s in the house, and you will end a lot richer than “investing” in forex, stocks, options, or gambling… how many people do you know that grow reach with real estate, and how many people do you know that grow rich with forex, stocks, options, or gambling?

[HPT]

 investments but in a safer way. (I did not take the investment decitions and someone else does it for me).?

this can be a very dangerous way to invest… google all the ponzi scams, you will know that it’s better to invest your self, buy an index fund, or real my post about real estate…

[Dark Energy]

yes, it is a good way to save and invest.

 

the main point is not to keep cash or assets, the main point is to involve a third party  ( wife husband family member ) to monitor and control my activities. if everything is under my control I agree with you it is less tempting in the case of assets compared with cash, but if I get hooked again nothing will stop me from selling that asset or getting equity loan and gamble that money away. it is less tempting but for a gambler, it is a risk that needs to be considered.

 

You have mentioned options trading, I have tried it few times but I didn’t continue because at that time It was a clear form of gambling for me, especially some brokers offer forex options trading for 15 min, 5min, and even 1min.  it was outright gambling compared to trading forex where it is a hidden form of gambling. If you read my posts you will know that I was shocked that I have a gambling addiction I was thinking that I have never gambled in my life but I realize that I was gambling for a few years without knowing that.

[HPT]

Hi, what you wrote about ” forex options trading for 15 min” or binary options is pure gambling, since you buy the options and the odds are against you…

Selling options, with 45 days to expiration or more… look like a business. Since you have the odds in your favor, you became the casino or an insurance company… and you can make money most months of the year… the problem is the big losses that are hard to control, and the time, focus and energy that take…

My question to this forum is, if a gambler make some money, it’s still a problem?

I start reading the book
The Easy Way to Stop Gambling by Allen Carr

i has very valuable ideas…

thanks

[Dark Energy]

please check the post that I wrote up under the subject ( Gambling scale ). I think it will appeal to you. 

I really don’t know the answer, but there are a few points that are a guideline for me:

1: the gambling scale that I mentioned up, if the activity is high in the scale then it is a gambling activity ( in the other words even if you are winning it you will eventually loss) it is simple (win lead to euphoria, a feeling that you are invincible so you will bet higher, and higher and eventually you lose, losing leads to chasing losses and this cycles never end).  I may add at the beginning you may find your self able to control your urges to continue gambling but it is a progressive illness. it is a road that will not lead you to any good place.

2: if it is low in the gambling scale, I think the emotion and engagement is the key, if I found my self obsessed about it, always engaged on it, neglecting all my other responsibilities then I believe it is gambling and the end will not be good.

3: if it is low in the scale and I am acting rationally without emotional ups and downs then I think it is ok it is not gambling. ( keeping in mind the progressive factor of this illness).

regarding the book I read it a few years back, I bearly remember its content but I remember my take on it was the author focuses on the cognitive part and the willpower, and frankly, this will not work alone, you need something outside your mind to prevent you from your mind drawbacks, the prevent strategies ( road blockers) are the best way. this is my opinion 

[HPT]

Thank you very much for your answer…

This is exactly what happens to me:

“win lead to euphoria, a feeling that you are invincible so you will bet higher”

Last year after a few years of good winnings, I Borrowing Money, lied to banks, to “invest” in the high probability options trades (HPT) that I understand that work… in the last 3 weeks I lost a lot of money, maybe the gains of 2 years, and some of the borrowing money… I have reduce positions hoping that will recover the money, but I’m sick of this game, and want to stop…and move to passive investing…

Yes, the author focus in the mind, and understanding the irrationality of gambling…What outside my mind to prevent, i need?

I didn’t find your post “Gambling scale” do you have the link?

[Dark Energy]

the issue with trading addiction is that there are no good books or a clear definition of it. for me, I am dealing with it as a normal gambling addiction. but it is quite different.

it is between real-life trading ( like buying a house at a low price and sell it after a year at a higher price) an a pure gambling ( like a slot machine or a roulette).

I may explain it in this way

if we put a scale from 1 to 100 ( you can call it gambling scale) where 1 is just for normal trading in the real-life and 100 is for playing a pure gambling game like roulette in the casino. moving from 1 to up is moving closer to the gambling.

but at what stage we can say this activity is a gambling??? a 50 at this scale ? A 50 is the middle between both ( i don’t know what it will be a good example for 50, but It could be taking a risky investment like opening a new restaurant where you invest all your money on it and you don’t have a good knowledge in this kind of business)

I may add here another example from the upper part of the scale, like sport betting you can give it a 90 but for sure it is not 100. it carry  some kind of analysis ( it is not a pure luck like a slot machine ).

trading forex or stocks in the market it can really take all the places from 1 to 100 based on how you are doing it. For instance :

• if you put your money with an index fund and kept it there for years it may represent 1 in the scale.

• if you select some diversified shares and kept it for a few years it may represent 5 in the scale

• but if you are changing them once each year you will go up in the scale say you reached 10,

• if you trade them monthly you will continue going up say 15,

• if you trade them daily you are at the middle range maybe 40 but if you trade them like CFDs with a leverage say 1:25 and daily you have crossed the 50 level for sure,

• if you use a 1:500 leverage and follow the charts minute by minute then for sure you are at the 80 to 100 level.

Once I discuss the online trading as a gambling-like behavior it is hard to convince a trader who is at the upper level of this scale that he is gambling because he thinks that he is trading. And harder to convince the trader who is at the 2nd quarter of this scale that he is at risk of addiction as well

Well, this is my attempt to explain why this kind of addiction is difficult and how it could take you years before you know even that you are an addict which is exactly what happened with me.

also it is an attempt to say to deal with an addiction to activity at level 25 is different than dealing with addiction to activity at level 75. because the first is not obvious gambling.

I believe you can’t tell by yourself if a low-level activity is really affecting you, maybe a friend or a partner who can see your mood changes, your excessive thought, …… and the other gambling symptoms that you may not be able to see it by yourself.

[LSA]

Have not read everything in this thread yet.
But I think it’s really important with a story like yours to put focus on forex and trading in general. Of course you should have been spared for this experience and I wish you the best.

It is gambling because you just can’t predict a war or some disease in the real world. It’s true when you choose a job or buy a house too. But clearly the risk is not the same. Don’t know much about “Forex” but it seems to be to the riskier side on your scale. But stocks is pretty risky too I think. An index fund do have a fair risk but otherwise it does remind me of gambling…Especially if I did it (think one needs to know much about a business to buy stocks and even then it would still be atleast 10 on your scale).

Thank you. Now I am aware of the risks.

[Dark Energy]

so far so good, just low mood, it is just general thing not related to gambling, I am trying to deal with it.

[Dark Energy]

thanks, LSA for the comment, here we learn from each other mistake’s.

somehow it is the same story ( the story of an addict) but written by different writers. 

 

[i-did-it]

Hi Darkenergy

Low mood at this stage could actually be a positive sign that your brain is missing its fix and starting to heal.

We get so accustomed to the highs and lows gambling beings that our brains must find it a bit of a shock when we stop – no extremes just an even keel .

I felt quite low when I stopped – now I feel a sense of contentment which beats any high. Hang in there – this will pass – you are doing really well. X

[StevieV]

I’ve just read your posts and wanted to say keep at it! I am an addicted sports gambler who got very into the markets for a good two years… I have stayed away from trading for five or six months now as I felt like I had gone from strategic trading to simply gambling… I never got into forex mostly heavy technical analysis on penny stocks & options… I did well for awhile but I guess greed took over, options really sank me… I stayed away from then for a long time before a friend gave me a tip on Xlf option which did extremely well about 500% gain… I was hooked immediately clearing all my longer positions to chase option trades that again went great I was hitting 80%-150% gains weekly. I then traced out an option play well that I netted 1300% on and greed took over… I really knew nothing about options other than being able to chart possible directions for momentum… all of a sudden I was putting equity I had no business putting behind trades and yeah that was that. It was the exact downfall I’ve had with sports betting and I’ve decided to stay away and also decdided to do something about the sports betting. Today is day two for me and this site seems to be a fantastic tool in finding courage and realizing I am not alone and not some kind of monster that‘s an outcast from society.

i resonate with your want to be able to have money on you and live a “normal“ life as you put it, it feels degrading not being able to have access to money… On that note I will say though if having that money on you is going to trip you up constantly then I think maybe weigh up which feeling is more degrading (not having the cash on you or access to your money or the degrading feeling when you lose it) even the best traders lose and the percentage of truly successful ones in the long run is slim in my opinion… as it is with successfu sports bettors. I am great at picking a game but the simple fact I have finally accepted and will continue to try and remind myself is that it never stops there…. even if I carry on for a week betting tactically and making money a week later I’m sick losing focus and just betting to bet.

i think we need to hang onto that losing feeling and remind ourselves how shitty it truly feels. I’m in financial turmoil from it and have been for years and simply just don’t want it to continue, like you mentioned above I’m trying not to dwell on the losses and just focus on hanging onto the good feeling of paying of debt! I’m hoping to get addicted to the feeling of seeing money in my account again (eventually) and the good feeling of regaining the trust of friends and loved ones.

thank you for your posts and stick at it man you will get there!

[HPT]

I think that when you pay debts first you have a sure return, because you don’t have to pay more interest…

[Dark Energy]

Hi I-did-it, thanks for your support,

I guess so, today I am feeling a bit better, I had a busy schedule today.

I think getting busy is the solution for me now. 

[Dark Energy]

Hi Steviev

Thanks for your comment,

 

“ I have stayed away from trading for five or six months now as I felt like I had gone from strategic trading to simply gambling”

It is a progressive illness you will start normal then you will lose control.

you stayed away from trading for 6 months keep it up, and you can do the same for sports betting. The concept is the same you can win occasionally but eventually, you will lose ( simply because you can’t stop) so no need to start betting and you know the end will not be good.

The cognitive part and will power is not enough,  start building a prevention strategy to help you from gambling again, this part of us is broken so don’t depend only on your will-power, build road blockers to help you on your recovery.

[Author]

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