22 April 2021 at 6:54 pm #77215
thanks, Kin for your support,
I read your post about the Pink Cloud syndrome it was informative this is the first time I hear about it and it makes sense.22 April 2021 at 7:14 pm #77216kinParticipant
You can also read up about gambling withdrawal symptoms and gambling addiction cold turkey to learn more.
One day at a time23 April 2021 at 12:44 pm #77225
a bit better, but I am still feeling depressed sad, and scared from another relapse, the past experiences are not promising each time I climb this hole, I fall down right before I reach the surface.24 April 2021 at 11:32 am #77240
I did the horrible exercise of reading all my posts, it is almost one year since I have started this thread “fresh start” I didn’t have the courage to read the posts in the previous thread which I started 2 years back.
it is a very painful experience to review all your past failures, to read all these hopeful thoughts, and all the depressing thoughts, all your ups and downs.
I read it to try to learn something from this horrible year of relapses. and I guess what I learned is I should not be very optimistic about my recovery it will lead to misjudgment it will lead to reducing the roadblocks and finally it will lead to a relapse. I guess a slightly pessimistic view will work better and will keep me safe.
25 April 2021 at 5:43 pm #77244
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by Dark Energy.
another day of facing my demons and my addiction, frankly, I don’t know which one came first or which one causes the other.
all I know now is one day at a time.26 April 2021 at 1:52 pm #77248
the 1st week over, but I am not sure why the progress is slow this time! why I am still so sad and depressed? I am still finding the situation is hopeless but I will keep fighting.
normally by the end of 1st week, I will be full of hope and momentum. but this time no.27 April 2021 at 1:43 pm #77308
one day at a time.29 April 2021 at 4:35 pm #77336
much better today I did the right things, I was a bit more productive in work.
the barriers saved me today I have received my salary and immediately get rid of it. “I am smiling from using such words like “get rid of it” about my salary. who could have guessed that I will reach in my life to a point that I am afraid of money and I need to get rid of it as soon as possible?
anyhow to this after paying all the bills, installments, and transferring an amount for saving, I kept what I need for the rest of the month plus some more for any emergency.
and guess what, the f****** urges started!! after all the suffering that I have passed through recently!! just a small amount of money triggered me….then the recalculation & budget squeezing started and I figured out that I can use 800$.
fortunately, I have no way to put that money in trading because I have closed the trading accounts, and I scratched all my cards so I am safe.
to the irony, after running all the options in my head and surrendering to the fact that the only way is to order a replacement card and this will take a week so I have surrendered to the fact that I can’t proceed, and then I had this big smile on my face I don’t know it is because I survived this time or because I have remembered how f******up my brain is. anyhow, one of my colleagues noticed the big smile and asked me what happen, I told him I just won 800$.1 May 2021 at 7:59 am #77356
the depression is less today, this is the life and time heals all wounds.
I am getting better every day, today I have started thinking and planning what I need to do to solve my life problems and to progress in life.
I am going back to GYM today it has been months since i last time I was in the gym. and start dieting again I gained a lot of weight during this one and a half year of relapses.
life is smiling to me today, and I am grateful for that.2 May 2021 at 1:00 pm #77366
almost two weeks since the last relapse. no urges to gamble but still feeling down, I had a few hours of hope in the last few days but the main theme still depression, low self-esteem, confused and overwhelmed with the life problems caused by gambling ( or the gambling was an escape of it). either way, I should face all my demons one at a time because I am really overwhelmed.
yesterday I went back to GYM and start dieting again at least this is one aspect of my life that I put in track again and I have a plan and target for it.
I am reading about SMART recovery, I have downloaded their handbook I am going to read it today.3 May 2021 at 5:27 pm #77372
reading more about SMART recovery, it looks like a good approach that attacks the addiction from the roots.4 May 2021 at 2:38 pm #77397
“addiction is the best thing that happened to me”
I remember this quote from one youtube video for Dr.Gabor Mate he was quoting the feedback from some of his patients.
I can’t say the same thing, it is the worst thing that can ever happen to a person especially the gambling addiction. but I can understand why someone can say that.
I think now I know myself better.5 May 2021 at 2:26 pm #77406
one day at a time6 May 2021 at 6:19 pm #77419
I am in this nice state today, no cravings to gamble no thoughts about losses, and on the other hand no thoughts about recovery, I guess this how normal nonaddict people feel all the time. just peaceful life.
it was a stressful day at work but it really didn’t affect me, my stress tolerance is increasing.
after work, I came back home, prepared a good dinner, and I am going to GYM after posting this post.
suddenly I have all this free time, after the gym, I am planning to watch a movie and continue reading a book.7 May 2021 at 3:30 pm #77429
one day at a time.
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