12 January 2020 at 4:26 pm #7026C1995Participant
First post on here in a desperate attempt to find someone who understands what I’m going through and how I feel.
I met my ex boyfriend 2 years ago when he was age 24. he was very open from the start about having a gambling addiction since age 18 and I completely underestimated what this really meant. Throughout the last 2 years he has stolen from my house been in debt which I helped pay off and just treated me terribly. Fast forward 2 years and I now have his 5 month old son.he was gamble free and attending meetings from my first scan all the way up until our son was born but something sent him back to start gambling again.
When our son turned 2 months old I found out he had spent all of our savings for a house together (weren’t living together) on gambling. His thing is merely betting on football games and will drive half an hour each day to the bookies as he has blocked all sites from his phone and self excluded from all other bookies near him. When I found out about him spending our savings he turned in bed that night and told me he didn’t love me anymore and left with not a care. It’s now been over 2 months of hell for me and he hasn’t showed any emotion other than anger towards me. When not gambling he’s a kind, caring and honest person but when he is gambling he’s a different person who’s emotionally unavailable and very manipulative, he doesn’t have a single care in the world apart from gambling but this has left me feeling so broken and worthless, I just want the person he is when not under the influence of gambling and I am so worried about the future of our son and disappointed that instead of the amazing daddy I know he could be he is letting the addiction consume his whole life. He left me last year when I found out I was pregnant and told me he didn’t love me as I found out he was gambling them too. He came back a month later when we seen the scan and he was feeling better and ready to stop. I’m just trying to find the strength to move on and focus on my baby but Im always hoping he will decide he wants to change and come back but I lnow this is something that will repeat throughout my life if I’m with him, just needed to vent and would appreciate any comments, thanks13 January 2020 at 10:41 am #7027duncParticipant
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
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You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team21 January 2020 at 11:04 pm #7028velvetModerator
Well done writing this post which can’t have been easy for you.
Sadly most compulsive gamblers struggle to take responsibility for themselves and their own behaviour which makes it incredibly difficult for them to take responsible for others and their feelings.
It is possible that your boyfriend told you that he no longer loved you and that he left you when you become pregnant because he couldn’t face the responsibility of another life. This was not your fault – it is the nature of the addiction.
It is important for your health and for the well-being of your son that you put feelings of worthlessness behind you because you are not worthless. Don’t allow your boyfriend’s addiction to bring you down with it. It is a destructive addiction and if you allow it to destroy your life then it has claimed another victim and you are worth more than that.
Do you have support from friends and family?
I know it is hard, really hard but try and focus on the things you can control. Keep in control of your life so that whatever happens you are not standing still and waiting for someone else to decide your happiness. Do something everyday that you enjoy.
Please post again soon and let me know how you are doing and how your son is progressing.
Velvet22 January 2020 at 8:27 am #7029sattaking3499Participant
Thanks for sharing here. I can imagine your pain. My close friend also gone through the similar situation. As you mentioned that your gambler ex has stolen things from your house then you are in a critical situation. So in future you should confirm that he is completely free from gambling addiction before accepting him again in life.23 January 2020 at 10:46 am #7030C1995Participant
Hi thank you for replying, this could be it I also thought he’s done it then and now as a quick way to get rid of me so that he can continue to gamble. things just keep getting worse and it was affecting me to the point it’s all I could think about 24/7 but I know there’s nothing more I can do. I limited contact between him and our son to one day every second week with the possibility of it increasing if he gets things back on track purely because I can’t stand to be around him more than that at the moment. I find myself just wishing somwthing will click and that he’ll come back feeling regret for everything he’s done and tell me it was all due to the gambling but I’m losing hope of that happening now. thankful that our son is too young to feel the hurt and confusion about the situation.28 January 2020 at 2:38 pm #7031velvetModerator
It is sadly possible to stand around waiting for years for things to change but for now I think you have already done all you can to keep his addiction out of your life and hopefully help him to come to a point earlier where he realises he is hurting himself as well as all those around him. Now it is really time for you to put yourself and your son first.
There can be no confirmation that a man is free from a gambling addiction but they can learn to control their urges and live, gamble-free and more productive lives for having fought their demons and controlled them. If it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be here writing to you now.
I wish you and your son well
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