19 February 2020 at 10:09 am #7057
Hi my bf is a gambling and I dont know what to do I need to help my self and try and support him but its hard19 February 2020 at 10:10 am #7058
Hi I dont know what yo do to support my bf with his gambling I need to help my self as well19 February 2020 at 10:13 am #7059
Hello Miss T
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team19 February 2020 at 10:17 am #7060
Glad that you found the forum. I will reply to you later. In the meantime I will bring up my thread ‘The F&F Cycle’ which might help you to understand what has been happening to you and why your bf is so up and down with his moods
Velvet20 February 2020 at 11:07 pm #7061
I have just seen your post on Velley’s thread.
I cannot tell you that if you do (a) or (b) then everything will be alright because I don’t have a crystal ball. Your bf is not thinking logically but, in my opinion, he is manipulating you with his anger to get money to indulge his addiction. What I do know is that if you give him money then you will fuel his addiction and he will be back demanding more.
The addiction to gamble is selfish and I doubt you will see any of the money he has promised you. It is only when you recognise that you are part of the cycle that you will know what is right for you.
Your bf’s addiction is the master of manipulation. You probably find yourself in the middle of an argument without knowing how you got there. When he is shouting at you, he will probably welcome you shouting back because it gives him a chance to shout louder and blame you. Shouting, pleading and threatening will merely waste your energy and change nothing.
Maybe you could let him know that you have had to seek help for yourself because you need support and you want to do what is right for both of you. Perhaps you could download the 20-Questions from the Gamblers Anonymous web site and leave them for him to see – I don’t suggest handling them to him as this will almost certainly give him an opportunity to start another row.
Please keep posting T. I’m sorry you didn’t make the group this evening but there is another one next Tuesday.
Velvet22 February 2020 at 11:22 am #7062
Hi that’s the thing hexshouts at me and dont let me speak he just has ago at me cause he had to work a 12 hour day 9 -9 but he had to do that cause the day before he didnt go cause he stayed up all nite and day gambling he says he sorry and when I leave him along he just gets on with it he says he going to stop but then he asks me for more money and says he needs to relax he wants me to make it better for him fuse around him and if I don’t he makes me feel bad he says I dont care cause I dont do what he needs or I dont think what he needs I got lemonade for him but because it was warm he went mad at me he recked the bedroom and he said he was going to break the tv in the living room cause I was watching it after I’ve been at work 7-7 and I was waiting on him to come back22 February 2020 at 11:45 am #7063i-did-itParticipant
It was nice to chat to you last night.
There is gambling addiction which those of us you chatted with last night have.
An abusive relationship is a completely different matter.
I have known enough people with gambling addiction to be able to say one does not cause or excuse the other. Sometimes friends and families try to use gambling as an excuse for abusive behaviour but there aren’t any excuses.
Most of the people I know who gamble are very nice people trying really hard to control an addiction. I also know one who is a bully and who is abusive to his family.
No one should put up with abusive behaviour. Many people don’t even realise that their labelling of people and calling them lazy, fat or whatever other label they choose is abusive.
Check out this link. Pay particular attention to the section on emotional abuse.
I hope you make the right decision for you but please believe you deserve to be respected and cherished by your other half.27 February 2020 at 11:04 pm #7064
When one receives a lot of information, all at once, it can take a while to filter it through your mind while you work out which bits relate to the situation in which you find yourself. Even when you accept some, or all, of the information it is often hard to know what to do, especially when it comes to a relationship in which you have invested your time and love.
Sharing with others who have been through the same, or similar, experiences can often bring clarity so I hope you will update again soon.
you are in my thoughts
Velvet3 June 2020 at 11:45 pm #7065DollyParticipant
I am compulsive, my bf and me, we have been surrendering, it’s hard, the emotions we built up from the losses, and wins. Either way it’s comforting to have people, sharing the same thing. I’m texting and learning to admit my addiction
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