Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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  • #3970
    flic
    Participant

    my hubby spends about £80 a week and says when he gets a big win he will stop thinking of leaving him 5 years wed no kids hes 23 years older than me im 54

    #3971
    velvet
    Moderator

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    Hello Flic

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #3972
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Flic
    Well done on writing your first post. Please tell me more out what it is that is concerning you so much that you have reached the point of leaving your husband.
    Spending £80 a week on gambling may point to your husband having a problem with handling money although, in itself, it does not point to a gambling addiction.
    I cannot tell you what to do and even if I could I would never suggest either that you leave your husband or that you stay with him – this is a decision that only you can make. If he is a CG then knowledge of his addiction will give you power over it which will help you make informed decisions. I will gladly give you this information but it would help to know more about the behaviour your husband exerts that worries you so much.
    I look forward to hearing from you again
    Velvet

    #3973
    flic
    Participant

    he never wins it back its only ever pittance and when i try to talk to him about it it end in an argument,its money we could be saving as the only money we have is his money witch is his pension as i am unemployed we have no savings at all

    #3974
    flic
    Participant

    hes just had to go bookies again as he did not put enough on yesterday,,so what i say to him about his gambling don’t count at all,,i said you loose more than you get back,,he says you don’t think i can win big but i do thats why i do it

    #3975
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Flic
    I’m afraid your words are wasted on your husband, he is lost in his gambling world and he doesn’t want to hear you. His addiction is telling him he can win and that is all he wants to hear.
    CGs (compulsive gamblers) create arguments deliberately to baffle and confuse those who are trying to reason with them, so arguing will get you nowhere. The addiction your husband owns is not about money – it is purely about ‘the gamble’. Your husband is hooked on the gamble and as a result he can never win because any money he gets he will use as a tool to indulge his addiction. You can understand this because you have logic and reason but his addiction does not allow him to understand.
    When you keep saying and doing the same things over and over and nothing happens, probably nothing ever will, so it is time to try something different.
    I would never suggest you stay or you leave your husband, that will always be down to you but in your first post you said you were considering leaving him, so do you have a strategy to survive without him and if so can you turn such a strategy into something positive? Do you have family you can turn to? Is there anywhere you can go to take a break while you get your head round what you want to do? Do you have access to any money at all and if you have can you put it in your own name to protect yourself?
    The most important thing to do Flic is to look after yourself. You cannot save your husband, only he can do that. Do you have friends to talk to or have you lost them because of his addiction? Do you have hobbies? What do you do for ‘you’ every day?
    Keep posting Flic.
    Velvet

    #3976
    flic
    Participant

    hi i have no one to turn to or any money saved but i do have my lad living with me from my first marriage my hobby is my gardening

    #3977
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Flic
    Perhaps you could find a Gamanon Group in your area. Gamanon is the sister group of GA (Gamblers Anonymous). It would be good for you to have people to sit down and talk to about your concerns.
    Maybe you could download the 20-questions from the Gamblers anonymous, print them off and give them to your husband, hopefully they would help him realise he has a real problem that he needs to address.
    Speak soon
    Velvet

    #3978
    flic
    Participant

    well i have added his betting up this week and its £ 120,,i have managed to get my old job back so now i am after all the over time i can get,so i can get some money be hind me and after xmas things are going to change

    #3979
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Flic
    It seems from your words that you have made an informed decision and because you have waited until you were ready to do so, I feel sure that it will be right one for you.
    CGs come on this site because they want to change and seeking support is the first port of call – but many CGs never make that call and therefore outcomes must vary for those who live with them. What I always hope for is that those who pass through this forum leave it wiser and stronger for having been here.
    I hope you will update again to let us know how you are doing. There is never any judgement on this site – we have all faced the same addiction and handled it in our own ways.
    Whatever your decision is and whatever you have decided to do after Christmas, I wish you well. In the meantime please unsure the money you earn is secure.
    Velvet

    #3980
    flic
    Participant

    well he left on Tuesday and i feel so much better i don’t have to worry anymore,,at lest the rent money will be going to the rent now .when he was leaving he told me to let everyone know it was all my fault,,if people ask i will tell them the truth,people can be so 2 faced already people are not speaking to me ,the sooner i can get a move and start over the better

    #3981
    Twiladawn
    Participant

    My mom is addicted to gambling and has been addict for over a year! I have tried so many different things to get her to stop but she won’t. She always lies if she went to the casino. Every time I confront her she always gets mad at me and starts yelling at me and blaming things in me. Some times she tells me I’m the reason why she gambles. What do I do?

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