25 October 2013 at 2:04 am #1874sirena0215Participant
I am on a break right now and will respond to your post on my thread in more detail, but wanted to drop a quick note.
I nearly choked on my piece of fruit when I read your therapist was making copies of your UCLA CG/PG literature and imagining your outspoken self holding back at that moment 🙂 I can only imagine your dissatisfaction? frustration? at this point, but am impressed with your stick-to-itiveness.
When I was looking for a CG therapist, I saw a few licensed therapists with Gambling Addiction training that offered Skype sessions in my state and wonder if anyone in your state is offering that service?
Be well my friend,
– S25 October 2013 at 4:22 am #1875sirena0215Participant
So glad you mentioned your Myers Briggs, Adele. I’m pulling my report now and finding the managing change section very helpful.
I’m an INTJ, with high out of preference expressiveness. My company paid for a step II assessment five years ago and this is a really good one to have if you get a chance, since it drills down a bit.5 November 2013 at 4:45 am #1876
Yep, we’re done with this therapist. I think your idea of some sort of online therapy program using Skype is going to be our best hope for qualified counseling. I have found one place in particular (so far) that looks promising.
Thanks so much for the suggestion. I have learned SO MUCH in the search!
Hope you are doing well,
Adele5 November 2013 at 11:54 pm #1877
I have been going through your posts and wanted to make one or two comments about therapists. No individual therapist can know about every human situation in detail, but a well-qualified and experienced one will listen very attentively to the client and try to help that client do the psychological work they need to do.
Addictions always make therapy with anyone more complex. As you know, an addict is very manipulative and some try to ‘use’ therapy/the therapist, whilst not being ready to really enter the process of change. I think this is one reason why it is often recommended that the addiction issues are dealt with first and alone – so there is less chance of the addiction wrecking all the other work – or at least greatly undermining it. Of course, no one is simply an addict; each person is a whole human being with a mixture of needs, but the focus can centre on the addiction with an addiction specialist.
Also, effective therapy is usually long-term – it isa big part of life’s work, not a peripheral thing. When there is a lot of complexity, things have to be broken down into smaller components. A relationship counsellor will be trained to focus on ‘the relationship’ and it would be difficult to immediately work with a serious, individual addiction too.
It is quite late here, so I hope I am being coherent. You are a very strong and resourceful person and also very well-informed, so forgive me if I am just going over stuff you have already worked through. Take anything that is useful and ignore the rest.
Very best wishes,
Monique6 November 2013 at 10:32 am #1878berberParticipant
I finally came ’round to reading your latest posts and about your visit to the
therapist. I feel very connected to you, as I have learned so much about Gambling
Addiction thanks to this website and it can be difficult to explain to others what we know. The counselor my husband is seeing seems a bit ignorant too sometimes but he thinks she’s very smart and he helps her so I don’t voice my opinion.
I too wish I could join in a live meeting with y’all with snacks, juice (instead of wine) and just talk, listen, laugh, cry and give you a big hug.
Keep up your emotional recovery, dear Adele, you are doing really well!
B.13 November 2013 at 8:37 am #1879
Berber – thank you for your sweet post. I could probably use one of your big hugs today!
Velvet, I appreciate the talk in Group today – the hour went too quickly.
In response to your last post here: My husband and I talked about the issue of trust – on both sides. He is fully aware that it will take a great deal of time for me to completely trust him again. And I am aware that every time I have a mini melt down over something (which happens less often) it makes him less likely to be open with me.
We have enjoyed him being home for so long. Things aren’t perfect of course, but we are so much easier with one another. The longer he is away from the possible quick trip to the casino, the better he is. He says he has not gambled online since before the wreck on September 26, and there are no casinos here at home, so I believe he has not gambled or played the online slots in almost 2 months. We talked some today after Group about his boredom and what he can do to fill the void, but no solutions yet.
We have talked more during this time than probably ever in our marriage – about things that matter I mean. The counseling was an impetus for our communicating in a different way – although the counselor was terrible and we are looking for another.
I was certainly more aware than she was, and as I told you in group, I have been doing a good deal of reading and exploring other options for gambling therapy. I am also giving thought to the suggestions to consider separate counselors. Our paths to recovery ARE separate: I’m really beginning to understand that.
Your post has helped me tremendously Monique. I feel validated in expecting our therapist to listen and care, and to be competent. Instead, she ‘didn’t have time’ to read anything I gave her or to look in to gambling addiction – and she talked too much; mostly about herself.
In my last one-to-one with her, she talked about her mother, her mother’s house, her love for everything organic, and on and on. She spent the last 10 minutes of the session on her computer showing me a “Green” hotel website that was her favorite place to stay. It was very awkward – like she didn’t know what to say to me or how to start being therapeutic, so she just chatted about nothing. I went home and cancelled the rest of our appointments. My husband did not think she was very engaged either, but he was going anyway just in case she got better.
You have also, and especially, helped me to realize the complexity of our situation. With your insight, and our bad experience, I now think a good counselor might know better than to try and work with both of us on everything at once.
I think you and Velvet are right: He needs to work on his addiction separate from everything else, and without me.
And we obviously need to work on our relationship.
But I also realize that I have much to work on myself; things I’ve mentioned before – my disorganized, messy house, my weight, my chronic lack of discipline. One of the things my husband said in counseling was that he would like to come home to a clean, organized home – not accusingly, just honest. I’ve not always been this way – at least not to this extent – but it has not been as a result of his addiction. It’s gone on for many years. And I have to do something about it. So it’s probably time for me to start paddling my own boat again huh?
I don’t exactly know how to get started in earnest. I used to at least have spurts of effort to accomplish things. I’d get motivated to work on a project or clean house , and I’d pour myself into it almost to the exclusion of everything else.
I’m realizing that I have poor coping skills – just like my cg husband.
For instance, when my father’s COPD got really bad in 2000, I started a major landscaping project in my front yard. I dug out new, elaborate curvy flower beds down both sides and the middle of the yard, using cut landscape timbers and truckloads of river rock (hand-picked) to edge the beds. A neighbor had busted up concrete in their front yard so I hauled these huge pieces home and made curvy walkways. I was obsessed with the project – hanging lights in the trees so I could work through the night when I was on a roll. My neighbors must have thought I was nuts – and I was a little. All the while I was trying to take care of my dad, and both my in-laws who were also in bad health – taking them to doctor’s appointments, shopping, whatever they needed.
This was my excuse back then to quit working full time. Both our parents had some serious health issues, and my brother – who was 48 at the time – suffered a stroke. (Two years later he suffered another more debilitating stroke and could no longer work at his job.) So I was always taking off work to take somebody somewhere or to do something for someone. I justified quitting because 1) family was more important than work, and 2) I knew my job performance was suffering with the distractions and absences.
Somewhere in the middle of starting and stopping the landscaping project over several years, my father’s COPD worsened, and we were told by Hospice that he was in the last stages of the disease and we could expect that he might not be with us in 6 months. I dealt with my fear and grief by going back to working hard, long days and nights on that never-ending landscaping project.
Not long after we got the news of my father’s prognosis, my brother cashed in his 401K (after his 2nd stroke) and bought a house that needed a lot of work. His wife was mentally ill (classic Borderline Personality Disorder was my best self-educated guess), and their family terribly dysfunctional. I think they were on the verge of being evicted from their rental. I knew he couldn’t get the house ready by himself, and no one was else was likely to, or capable of doing the things that needed to be done, so I dropped what I was doing here and went there to help him. After a month or so, I stopped coming home during the week (they lived about 20 miles away) and slept on an air mattress at the house – working from the time I got up until I went to bed at night – still running the parents and my brother around as needed.
My sweet husband would come over most evenings to help, doing all the electrical work while we did the construction. He even spent a number of weekends on that stupid air mattress just to be with me. He never begrudged me the time I was spending with my brother, even though I was neglecting him terribly. He has always supported me in my crazy, headlong endeavors (and sadly there have been many others similar to this), almost always without complaint.
When I look back I have to wonder why he didn’t complain. Why didn’t he eventually point out the ridiculousness of my actions and insist that I moderate my behaviors and pay a little more attention to him? If anyone is still reading this ramble and has any idea or understanding of either of our behaviors, I’d be very interested in hearing it.
After months of working on my brother’s house, I stopped staying over there and decided, for the most part, I had done enough – it was time for his family to pitch in and finish. I needed to get back to my life.
My father-in-law was suffering from chronic and intolerable neuropathic pain and my mother-in-law’s Parkinson’s and Rheumatoid Arthritis were exacerbated by the stress. Daddy was being tended to at home by the angels on earth that work for Hospice. My mother’s strength and her faith in God were amazing during this awful time.
Early on a Monday morning in March of 2001, having run out of morphine over the weekend, and in the delirium of pain, my poor father-in-law shot himself. In the raw anguish of the weeks that followed, strangely, my husband and I were closer than we’d ever been. He was not demonstrative, but he was vulnerable and in pain, and he turned to me for physical comfort and emotional support.
Two weeks later my father was taken to the Hospice House to be kept comfortable in his last days. My sisters and my mother and I spent the next 2 weeks mostly at the Hospice House and taking turns sleeping in the recliner by his bed. We were gathered around my sweet daddy, loving him and praying over him when he took his last breath.
The pain of losing my father was so deep I would not have thought it possible to hurt that much had I not just witnessed my mother-in-law suffer what I think must have been an even greater pain than mine. I desperately needed something from my husband – I don’t know what exactly, something real – but I don’t think I ever really felt comforted by him. Maybe it wasn’t possible. The closeness we felt after his father’s death was gone and I was left wanting.
My mother-in-law lived with us for a number of years prior to her death, and by the time we had settled her estate, sold her house and sorted through a 60 year collection of – well, everything, my house was an even bigger overflowing mess, and I was tired.
Somewhere along the way I lost interest in gardening and building things and being creative. I lost my passion for dancing, shooting pool and playing golf. I’ve not socialized much since quitting my job and I live with a non-communicative man. I’m not very comfortable in social settings anymore because I don’t have anything interesting to talk about – I’ve very nearly lost that skill. I’ve grown lazy and become an expert at doing nothing – or nothing important anyway – wasting so much time obsessively playing Guitar Hero, or Farmtown, or some other online game where nobody could give a flip about me.
I could just as easily have escaped to a casino if one had been handy.
I don’t exactly know why I’ve gone on like this, except that I’ve been soul searching and these are some of the things I’ve been thinking about and examining – what my part is in the mess we’ve made of our marriage. I feel disengaged so much of the time, and now that I have admitted as much to my husband, I must also admit that I have just as much to work on as him.
Adele13 November 2013 at 12:23 pm #1880
I am glad you have found valuable things in the posts you received, including my own. I am glad, too, that you have been able to write out these ‘meanderings’ – sometimes the writing out of things is in itself very therapeutic.
You have covered a huge range of issues, including loss, denial, exhaustion, health etc. You have some amazing strengths to have survived all this. I guess you need a step by step healing process.
The way your therapist behaved is, in my opinion, very poor practice. I think one of the most basic components of any therapeutic practice is attentive, client-centred listening. It makes me quite angry that you should have to listen to a therapist using your session-time to talk about herself. It is imperative that the therapist acts in a way that shows the session is not about her, but about the client. If a therapist can offer nothing other than listening, at least this means that she will have begun to understand the client and the client’s world. She can also begin to see whether she is the right person for the work in hand or whether she should refer on – and, if it is the latter, offer some guidance about other therapists. Listening in itself can be hugely helpful and is not harmful, unlike talking unwisely.
I wonder how you find therapists, where you are. Here (UK), there are various reputable directories, which list only well-trained people, who have committed also to ongoing professional development. One of them is BACP (British Assoc for Counselling and Psychotherapy), which does have an International search section, but I don’t know if it covers where you are. No doubt you have similar facilities? And it can be useful to get a recommendation from someone you trust.
With good wishes,
Monique13 November 2013 at 5:06 pm #1881madge456Participant
Wow Adele – I was just catching up on our posts and trying to digest it all. But briefly (since I have been sitting here way longer than I can!) I agree with Monique – No therapist should be talking about herself – they need to be client focused as she said and dealing only with the issues you bring up and that are “in the room”. If you do not feel this therapist is competent or a good match for you, you should feel free to switch and try to find a better fit. When I have looked for myself, I have interviewed 5 or 6 therapists over the phone and then go in for a trial session to see if I like them – it is not like buying a pair of pants – this is deep work and the fit and expertise and just overall “feel” need to be right, otherwise it is just a waste of time.
I hope I didn’t miss something in the posts and this is all old news – its hard to keep up with everything…
I also wanted to comment on your thoughts of :
“Somewhere along the way I lost interest in gardening and building things and being creative. I lost my passion for dancing, shooting pool and playing golf. I’ve not socialized much since quitting my job and I live with a non-communicative man. I’m not very comfortable in social settings anymore because I don’t have anything interesting to talk about – I’ve very nearly lost that skill.”
I totally relate to that – I feel similar in that I have devoted my life to my kids and husband and have lost myself along the way. BUT I do know I am still there – just like YOU are still there. All those passions are still within you waiting to be brought up. Its almost like finding an old scarf you once loved and saying “hey, i forgot about you,” and getting that happy feeling as you wear “your old friend”. Your skills, passions, ability to socialize are all still there – Maybe rusty, but there. I just wanted to say I relate to that line of thinking but know deep down that none of that is lost, just hibernating…
Here is to you, me and all of us here finding our passions again and doing what we need to for ourselves. I am not sure if that was helpful, but I hope it was.
As for therapist referrals, cant remember if you are in the US, but NASW (Nat; Assoc of Social Workers) has a referral list of therapists and what they specialize in – I have found that to be helpful before.
Sending love your way. Keep the faith.
M13 November 2013 at 6:07 pm #1882velvetModerator
What you have described, in my opinion, is the soul-searching that many F&F go through before they find their own recovery. There are areas though, where I think it is important to be mindful of how much guilt you should apportion to yourself for the situations in which you find yourself.
You have described enough painful experiences for you to feel as you do but at no time did you describe the person that you really are. You have been on this forum a short time and in that time your impact has been felt – you have made a difference to others and I know from experience that you will never know how many have taken comfort from you words because many read but never write. A lazy, ne’er-do-well could not achieve what you have done. Well done.
You haven’t lost yours skills, you have mislaid them. Maybe you won’t front another landscape project as you did before but the knowledge you gained from doing it will be immeasurable. I have changed my landscape too but I have never been as imaginative as to use hand-picked rocks from the river bed and I can’t string lights, although I do want them down my garden – how I wish you lived near me to give advice.
Recovery is like your landscaping. The lights were the final piece that lit up the whole project and your neighbours, I am positive, were no longer thinking you were nuts. You had the ability to plan and see it through – that ability is dormant, not dead. I think your line ‘all the while I was trying to take care of my dad and both my in-laws’ tells me all I need to know about your ability to care and organise.
I can’t see anything ridiculous in what you have described – I see a life. Your husband supported you in your endeavours, which I cannot see as crazy and the weekends on the air mattress sound like a couple sharing a life. Why would he point out the ridiculousness of your actions when they were never ridiculous? I am married to a DIY freak but I did not escape to an addiction. You are not responsible for your husband’s addiction.
You have definitely not lost your skill in being interesting but you have certainly lost your confidence in your ability to be so, but you are right – online gaming does not give a flip about you. When you start giving a flip about you then those around you will sit up and take notice.
You could have escaped to a casino but you didn’t and therein lies the difference and the reason why your recoveries should be separate. It is a sad fact that CGs have to accept they will always be CGs – there is no cure. It is a fact, in my opinion, that Adele does not have to accept that she is unsociable, uninteresting, not creative and unable to dance and enjoy golf.
I cannot tell you what to do but I would like to ask you to do something before we meet again and that is to take one of the thing that you used to do and do it, or something similar. I was totally into 10-pin bowling years ago but following my recovery I have taken up table-tennis. I took a deep breath to walk into the hall the first time but now, after a short time, I walk in and 20 people will shout ‘hi ……….’. I don’t need to be massively interesting – I just have to have a bat and join in. The friendships follow. When you have done it you will have something to talk about to your husband who struggles with communication. Whatever it is you do, it will give you something to talk about, it will blow the cobwebs away, physically enliven you and most importantly give you a confidence and self-esteem.
I am not allowed to set homework and I don’t want you to feel pressured – I am only making suggestions because I know you can change your life – you are one amazing, unique person. I know it – now you need to know it.
V14 November 2013 at 1:23 am #1883
Dear Monique and Madge,
I appreciate that you read my lengthy post. Posts like these (I’ve written so many!) are very definitely therapeutic for me – as is posting elsewhere on this site. Velvet told me once that she was always amazed at the insight that can be gained not only in writing for yourself, but in joining the groups and writing on someone else’s thread – and she’s so right!
I’ve looked inside myself more since writing on this site than I think I ever have in my life. It’s not always comfortable: Many times I’ve thought of leaving it on my laptop – and did a few times in the beginning. But I’ve come to feel safe here at GT – baring what I can get to, and knowing there is no judgment from readers because they truly understand the roller coaster ride.
I believe when I write openly and honestly as I am processing meaningful thoughts that something I say will resonate with someone and maybe help them in some way. I know this because I’m a reader here too, and I have benefitted tremendously not only from the thoughtful replies on my thread, but from the shared stories and experiences of this special community.
As for the therapist … I was rather angry myself, Monique, when I left her office that last time. So many of you on here have helped me to understand the attributes I want and expect in a counselor, and the things I probably shouldn’t and can’t expect. I am very grateful for all of your thoughts, encouragement and wisdom on this thing I knew so little about.
There is good news in our “Adventures in Therapy” saga: Around 11 this morning, as I was getting ready to look at the resources yall had mentioned (to find another therapist), I got a call from a counselor I’d spoken to last week. She was going to be out several days that week and could not fit us in, but she referred me to another counselor (who didn’t return my call). She was calling today to follow up and to let me know she had a noon cancellation … so off we went to see the new therapist!
I’ll write more on this later – I need to get dinner started.
Thanks so much,
Adele14 November 2013 at 1:42 am #1884
Well V – you went and made me cry again! HA
You are the cherry on top of a very good day …
Thank you for your uplifting and endless encouragement. I wish I could feel like I do right now every single day.
Make that 20 cherries.
Adele15 November 2013 at 12:22 am #1885
I am so happy and relieved to say I think we have found a very good “fit” with this new therapist. I am familiar with her from nearly 10 years ago when she counseled 2 troubled foster children we had taken in to our home, and I remember how wonderful she was with the kids.
She was wonderful with us too yesterday. She quickly assessed the immediate need to focus on giving him something to take with him since he is leaving for work in the next day or two, where he will be alone again, and the casino will be calling (and knowing that I can come back next week – which is exactly what I hoped for).
She asked him about his triggers – he said “She’s (me) not there and there’s nobody there to say no”. She said she understood that, but that wasn’t the trigger. She helped him to identify the trigger – “she’s not there so you are lonely.” She suggested that he remember the acronym HALT – Hunger, Anger, Lonely, Tired – to help him be aware of and recognize the things that might trigger an urge to gamble.
Then she went on to give the best description of triggers I’ve heard. She explained that when someone “acts out” (gambles) on a trigger, there is usually an “acting in” trigger that occurs before the full blown trigger – sometimes 2 or 3 days before: For example something in a conversation reminds you of a really good time you had once while gambling. If you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (HALT), you may allow yourself to dwell on this very subtle thought of a gambling related thing, and you may keep going back to it in your mind over the next few days.
This is the point where 1) recognizing the “acting in” trigger and 2) having a good coping skill ready is needed to avoid “acting out” on a trigger (gambling).
If you allow your mind to dwell on these subtle, “acting in” thoughts, they will trigger more serious gambling thoughts – which will eventually put in motion the “acting out” (gambling) on a trigger. By this time, most likely it is too late, and there’s no going back.
She told him ”Pay attention to what goes on inside you” and suggested that he keep a notebook to write down his thoughts and feelings periodically throughout the day to help him recognize and identify his triggers. He is struggling with that – keeps saying “I don’t know what to write.”
Velvet suggested in Group today he might just start with, “I am ________. I am a compulsive gambler. “ Then maybe add, “I did _______today.” Then, “I feel like ________ today.” And maybe, “I want to take control of my addiction and I see myself doing _____.” Of course it will be up to him to use this journaling tool or not, but I hope he does.
The therapist also suggested that he make a list of things that he can do when these recognized triggers occur – instead of “acting out” on the trigger. As I type this he’s across the room making his list …
(I would love to know what everyone thinks about this and any other ways to identify and head off triggers.)
She reiterated to both of us that I cannot do this for him; that he must begin looking inside himself for answers and solutions.
Her demeanor was completely professional but so very gentle and genuinely caring at the same time. My husband was able to relax somewhat and just be open with her. He told her he had gotten more out the 45 minutes we spent with her than he had at all the other sessions and GA meetings combined. It was amazing. I wanted to jump up from my chair and scream “YES!!!”
I have an appointment with her next week just for me – and she reserved judgment on whether to treat both of us – or not – until then.
I don’t intend to write every little detail of every therapy session (this is probably the last one I’ll be in regarding his addiction anyway), but this was all so very interesting, and made sense to me. I know it is not as clear for my husband – yet – and I am fully aware the wheels could come off the first bit of spare time he has once he gets back down there, but this last 7 weeks have me believing this is a real start for him on his recovery – which makes my recovery all the more rewarding.
Adele15 November 2013 at 2:04 am #1886veraParticipant
I’ve been following your story with interest, Adele! I’m so happy to hear you have found a therapist who is “tuned in!” I fully agree with that therapist when she refers to “acting in” and “acting out” Before a CG gambles , (myself),the thought is lurking in his/her mind for days. Personally, I think “triggers” are an excuse to gamble. CGs don’t need an excuse. The best way I can describe the “urge” (another description I dislike) is something like an itch . If you don’t scratch it, it goes away. Once we begin to scratch it goes crazy. I used to use the analogy of stepping on a bug before it bites you and listen to it squashing underfoot!
As a CG, I always have “fleeting gambling thoughts”. If I dwell for two seconds on a thought, it develops into a memory,then a longing or yearning sets in, then a plan formulates,and before I know it I feel a strong magnet sucking me towards the casino with the sounds and smells of the slot machines drawing me on so strongly that I feel a wind at my back and my car becomes like a magic chariot being jet propelled into a vacuum of no return. My counsellor often asks me what thoughts are in my head at this time.( The drive to my nearest casino is 45 minutes) It’s difficult to describe what happens on that journey, but I do know I manage to switch off all thoughts and feelings at this time. I use my cellphone as a distraction, either to text or play games , knowing that what I am doing is both illegal and risky. It serves to keep my rational mind from overcoming any non CG thought that might pop up. I think its all part of the compulsion or buzz. I hold the first note for the machine (€50)in my hand, park the car and my feet don’t touch the ground until I crash through the door that note slides into the first available machine and off I go to the land of Hope and Glory! (sic)
I won’t talk about the rest of the “event”Adele. You just asked for comments from others about the lead up to gambling.
One other point I would like to mention though, is that my gambling always takes place when I am alone and have money available.
Your husband is going to be alone soon.
Is there any way that he can NOT have cash or a credit card in his possession? Is there any possibility to have a fellow worker with him at all times, maybe someone who knows he is a CG? Can he be banned in advance from the casino? This is all of course assuming that he is not waiting and already planning on his chance to gamble which is very likely. Can you ask him if that is his plan?,
No matter what YOU do or say, Adele will not stop him if he wants to gamble but this may be a chance to get him to talk BEFORE the temptation takes hold.
I still hear vibes coming through , that he sees you as either the source of his actions or the person who could prevent him from “acting out”. I understand what he is saying, exactly but This is not the full story of course . It’s entirely up to him, and always will be.
A CG will go through flying bullets when that magnet draws us.
I write from very recent experience, I am sad and very ashamed to say.
I arrived home sometime in the middle of the night last night and as a last resort to raise cash, I have put my car for sale online.
This may seem like a trivial act, but after almost nine years work, it is the ONLY thing I have to show for my efforts. All my salary went on both gambling and debt repayments. I abstained from gambling for almost 14 months. Saved for that car and was proud to buy it for cash, but pride goes out the window when addiction takes over!
That’s the reality Adele.
CGs never win!
ps.The morale of the story, for Mr. Adele, if you’re finished making out your list of “do’s and don’ts”, which incidently won’t matter a fig, when the bug bites is “look before you leap!”
I love your posts Adele. You really are giving recovery your “all!”15 November 2013 at 6:00 pm #1887
Just a quickie to say I am pleased to hear that you had a good experience with this therapist. I hope that you and your husband will both find the right way forward.
Monique, Gambling Therapy Team19 November 2013 at 6:25 am #1888
I put him on a plane this morning to go back to work, and cried as I drove away from the airport.
When he called this evening he was down and said he’d forgotten how small and depressing the rooms were at the man camp. And I told him I’d forgotten how big this house can get.
It will be lonely for both of us I’m sure.
He is different today than he was almost 8 weeks ago, and so am I. We have been given this time and the opportunity to reconnect with one another and to realize that we both have a lot of work to do.
He left here with $32 cash in his bill fold – and didn’t want more (that’s a first), and $29 on the Bluebird card (I will put small amounts of money on the card when he needs it). He says he likes the card and thinks it’s going to help him not to have cash (he cant use it at ATMs). And he put Betfilter back on his laptop. He took a small, plain spiral notebook for writing in (he picked it out himself V 🙂 ), 2 golf magazines, and a book on addiction by Stanton Peele.
So now it’s time to get to work on me …
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