2 July 2011 at 2:53 pm #2547lisal69Participant
Hello everyone, I am new to this site, but looking for some advice that I could not find in previous posts.
My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years is a compulsive gambler. I did not know this until a year into our relationship, when I realized he was lying about his whereabouts, not at work on some days, etc. As is with compulsive gamblers, there is the lying. Every time I would confront him about something I had already known regarding his lying, he would turn everything around on me, and make me feel like I was nagging, or bring up something I had done last year, or at some previous time in our relationship, never about what I originally confronted him about. He left several times, went straight to Phoenix and sat at the poker tables for a few days, then would come back to me and say, "I’m sorry, I was wrong, blah, blah, blah", and me, being in love with him, allowed him to come back each time, then he would change for a while. For a while, then the same cycle repeated itself. I sought help, went to a few GA meetings, had a personal sponsor that I could call on for support, to regain my self esteem, self worth, and pride.
He finally took a step, and kicked himself out of all casinos in AZ, I was so proud of him, but he stopped "on his own". It doesn’t help to kick yourself out, because I knew deep down one time since then that he was at one of them, I called their security and told them he was there, and they did nothing!!! They don’t care. I found out when my boyfriend came home, that he was in fact at the one I called, at that same time, and I told him I had called to get him arrested for trespassing. He just thought that was the greatest thing that I did that, he was actually thankful?!
So, he hasn’t been to a casino, I feel it (I guess), since then. But now, he is still lying to me about almost everything, and displaying the same symptoms as when he was gambling. We were out one day after work at the local pub. He was talking to a friend about this motorcycle that was for sale. I looked at him and said, "you are seriously not thinking about buying a motorcycle right now, right? I mean, we cannot afford one, yet?" He assured me, no he is not, he was just talking to him about it. The next day, when I called him, I asked where he was, he told me that he was looking at the motorcycle he just bought, imagining his baby on the back. I was absolutely furious! After a few days, and yes, some words, he decided, "ok, I will sell it, but don’t tell anyone, because I don’t want anyone to think I am selling it because you want me to". Then, couple days later, decided not to sell it, then yes, he will sell it. I helped him put it on craigslist, then I had to go to NY to be with my son who had a sudden medical condition. I was gone for a month, just returned 2 weeks ago. Bike is still here,problems started. He packed up his stuff and told me I’m leaving for a week, and we will see what happens. I told him if you leave for a week, then pack up all your things, because in my world, two people work things out, they don’t run away, so he did and he left. I have texted him several times, and he ignores me, then I find out he was down in Phoenix yesterday, probably at a casino. My eldest son who lives with us, said my boyfriend told him he had no intentions on selling it. Also, I found out that after boyfriend said he only went out a couple of times throughout the month, he actually went out at least 3 times a week, returning home at around midnight. And instructed my son "If your mother calls, I’m either sleeping or at work", when he took off to go out. He shoots pool, and I know he will buy the occasional lottery ticket, but I know he hasn’t been going to casinos for the past year, excpet that one time, and last night. Why is he still lying and behaving like he did before?
I know this was extremely long, but I didn’t really know how to shorten it. I think he is going to come back again, and say I’m sorry, blah blah blah, then he will actually sell the bike, but is this cycle going to continue? I’m so lost. I talked with a real estate agent and he is coming over today to talk to me about selling my house, and I was going to move back up to NY to be with my youngest son, and my mom who needs some help.
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