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  • #6405
    Bleak
    Participant

    Hi I am new here.  I married a CG 30 years ago. He kept his gambling a secret. I found out after we were married. I tried to introduce myself before but I deleted it.  I didn’t know how to tell you my story without writing a book.  I will give you a short version.  Our lives are a cycle. 1. Gamble thousands 2. Get caught 3. “Honeymoon Phase”- so sorry , I’ll never gamble again 4. Repeat.

    Recently we have entered a new cycle. Where there is no remorse only justifications and excuses.  He has no plans to stop gambling and doesn’t believe he is a CG.

    As far as myself I have been broken because of this situation. I have hit my rock bottom of what I could handle and then I fell apart.  My nerves were shot because of the stress of the gambling and his anger/ rage issues (nothing physical) .  It took me awhile to get myself back together. I have sought help from my physician and a therapist.  For myself I don’t find therapy helpful. I don’t find it helpful to rehash the same issue week after week. It’s like ripping a bandaid off of a wound that has not yet healed. If you keep picking at it the wound will never heal. My biggest worry was always wondering if we would lose everything and have nowhere to live. 

    I know this is not a religious forum, but to tell my story I must tell you what finally helped me. I decided to completely rely on God to give him this burden and trust in him to take care of me. This has worked for me, for the most part I don’t stress out about money anymore.  I will write more later about how I have coped.

    #6406
    charles
    Moderator

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #6407
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Bleak

    As you rightly say this is not a religious forum but you found your recovery with a religious conviction and I am glad that you have posted about it. I have known many people, CG and F&F, who have found their way forward to a better life with religion.

    I accept what you say, that rehashing the same issue week after week didn’t work for you but sometimes when life gets too stressful many people find that sharing makes the difference and sometimes that sharing is repetitive for a time. I like to think we do not re-hash replies here. The message, by necessity, is often repetitive but for a new member hearing it for the first time it can offer the first glimmer of hope. You have found the way forward that is right for you and I am pleased that your way has given you the ability to cope and doubly pleased that you have shared it here.

    I found my salvation in Gam-Anon. I admit I picked away at the wound for a long time but through sharing I learned to cope and my life changed – the healing process was completed a long time ago. I believe you are sharing with your Higher Power and through Him your wounds can also be healed.

    I said in my earlier reply to you that It is never too late for a compulsive gambler to learn to control his addiction – even after 30 years – I know this to be true from experience. I also know it is possible to trust a CG who has turned his life around as much as you can trust anyone. Anyone can change with courage and determination. Has your husband ever accepted his problem and/or has he ever tried to get help?

    I hope you will post again and I promise to try and not to rehash my words to you.

    Velvet

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