Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #4471
    parentsvv
    Participant

    We are devastated parents.

    We never had an idea about our beloved son, who has always been an ideal son, falling into the trap of gambling addiction. This became very apparent during the first quarter of 2015. He was taking up his MBA and his routine suddenly changed. He missed his classes, goes home late. He was tasked to pick up his sister from class and several times he would arrive late.

    What caught our attention was he was missing the whole day. When he came home and was confronted, he confessed having been at the casino. This habit started from online betting on sports games. He even stole our jewelries and pawned. He also had several loans to friends which we need to pay off as the people were running after him. We were so afraid on what he may do after seeing a suicide note that he wrote addressed to us. We thought he would do better after several counsels from us. We even brought him to a psychiatrist whom he sees regularly. As a consequence, he had a bad performance on his MBA and he is on appeal for his studies were terminated already. He is on the verge of losing it.

    Last September, he got a work and we thought this would help him to be a better and more responsible person. We discovered recently that he skipped work and spent all his earnings at the casino. Unfortunately, we can’t control our emotions this time. Our Christmas was ruined and as a mother, I was uncontrollable.

    I have my fears and we need help on the right thing to do. We need guidance on how we can be better in managing our son. Since it is the holidays, his psychiatrist is on vacation. Please help us.

    We want our ideal son to be back … We want a better future for him for we love him so much. This time, we are afraid to be too nice and caring the way we did earlier for we fear we are being abused.

    Please help…we are so confused.

    #4472
    parentsvv
    Participant

    If you have had similar corcumstance, i would appreciate advice on how you’ve overcome it. Thank you.

    #4473
    velvet
    Moderator

    <

    Hello Parents

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #4474
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Parents
    It is Christmas Day and I wasn’t going to write on the forum – but I was moving my computer when your post popped up. I completely understand all that you have said and I will reply to you properly asap.
    I won’t reply in haste because your post deserves a lot of thought but I am sure you will understand that I have a lot of demands on my time today, however, I wanted you to know I had heard you and that you are not alone. All you have written is understood – if you see this, before I reply to you, please tell me how old your son is.
    There is lots I can tell you and hopefully give you hope, I wouldn’t be here writing to you now if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled.
    Velvet

    #4475
    worriedmama
    Participant

    I too am the mom of a compulsive gambler. It is an awful addiction and am so sorry you have hit such a low… especially being the holidays.
    I know this doesn’t sound very useful but if you guys can take a few deep breaths and a step back you will stand a far better chance of coming out the other side of this. As parents we get so wrapped up in trying to help and fix we take all the responsibility away from the addict. Your son certainly didn’t ask for this addiction , however, he is the only one who can work his recovery… while you guys work yours.
    I know how difficult this is but there is no quick fix. Can you see if you can find a Gam Anon group you could attend for support. Knowing I was not alone was a true blessing to me.

    Keep posting and try and enjoy the rest of your Christmas!

    PS My son has left suicide notes and I have recently had him in emergency for cutting himself. You take threats of self harm seriously but ultimately there is precious little you can do:(
    Take Care
    Cathy

    #4476
    parentsvv
    Participant

    Hello Velvet.

    I would appreciate your advice. My son is 22 years old.

    #4477
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Parents
    Your son is young and probably believes you don’t know what you are talking about; he probably thinks he will show you that he does know what he is doing. Sadly he will not be aware of the danger of his addiction.
    I can’t sugar-coat my answer to you; your son has an addiction that cannot be made better with a pill or a chat; you can’t talk him into being what you want because he believes he know what he wants and he will believe that you cannot understand him.
    I told my CG much the same things that you are saying to your son – I wanted him to have a better future, I wanted him to know how much I loved him and that love would conquer all if he would only listen to me. When he had taken control of his addiction he told me that when I had said I need you to listen it was ‘my need’ talking because his ‘need’ was to gamble.
    I think you are doing the right thing posting here, you will build up information and knowledge of your son’s addiction and that knowledge will give you power over it and help you cope.
    In my opinion, it would be good for your son to hear for himself what his future will be like if he continues the way he is going. On this site we have ‘CG only’ groups, often run by CGs who are in control of their addiction and we have a terrific Helpline which is often manned by a CG who controls his addiction. They are ready and willing to support your son in a way that you and I cannot. If you go on the helpline you can ask for the right times for your son to communicate with those who have stood in his shoes. They are older than your son but remember believing themselves invincible when they were 22. It is also completely anonymous so your son can talk openly, as will they, unlike active CGs who often have trouble being open about their concerns.
    I see that Worriedmama has mentioned Gamanon – these are marvellous groups of people, just like you, who can give you on the ground support – they are the sister group to GA (Gamblers Anonymous), which is fantastic and many active CGs have found their way using them. Perhaps you could download the Gamblers Anonymous 20 questions off their web site – your son might be surprised to see that he has a recognised addiction for which there is loads of support – when he is ready.
    I certainly cannot promise you that you will have the ideal son of which you speak but I do know his addiction can be controlled and he can live a fantastic life and sometimes an even more special life for having faced this addiction. You can only live for today Parents, worrying about his future will not help him, or you.
    There is so much to tell you but I am going to leave it there for now and wait to hear from you again. Maybe you will be in the F&F group in an hour and we can communicate in real time – you can ask the questions and I promise I will do my best to answer you.
    Regardless of whether you make the group or not, I hope you will keep posting. Sharing does help.
    Velvet

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