7 October 2017 at 8:56 am #5948
Hi I am a new member and have a son who is 24 and for a few years he has been a C.G. He can not be trusted with a debit card and does and has lost £1000s through online gambling sites ( he also goes to the bookies too). His relationship has now broken down and he has spiraled into despair as have we his parents. His gambling now has hit new heights and every single thing he has has gone. He i now on about getting a loan which is scaring me more than anything. He refuses to see his gambling as a problem and says he only does it when he is down ( he does it when he is not down too but not as bad as he is doing right now). He now has lost all his full wage, his bills money, the money family lent him to pay his bills plus money that he won (£1450, which i knew he would never see). He has taken a over dose the other week. Has threatened suicide every other day and is now on anti depressants. He never leaves his room, has lost over a stone and a half in weight and never sleeps. I dont know what to do to help. We try pleading, begging, shouting, threatening, lending him money, showing him love. Everything does not work. I am frightened it is going to ruin his life beyond repair and ours too. Any advice would be much appreciated thank you7 October 2017 at 5:56 pm #5949i-did-itParticipant
Hi worried mum,
I am from the other forum, but I am on here quite a lot and I noticed you have not received a reply. I have a gambling addiction but I am also a mother and I can feel your pain.
It sounds like your son is in real pain also – perhaps
Counselling wound help Him open up .
Members of f an f will reply to you soon but I think good advice is not to enable by giving him money .
Hope this helps7 October 2017 at 8:21 pm #5950
Hi thank you for your reply, i have kinda realised ( after reading a few of other posts and advice online) that giving him money is not going to help him. Iv told him I will not be giving him anymore and that he needs to get his wage paid to me and his bills to come out of my account so least then he cannot gamble with it. He will not as yet though agree to this or to go to any kind of counselling as he doesn’t see any problem. He thinks that it will all be ok once he gets over the pain of losing his gf ( they had been together for 4 years, seemed really happy and was a bit of a bolt out of the blue) but both my and my husband agree that the root of all his problems is gambling. I just wish he could see it too and reach out to all those around him that are willing to help7 October 2017 at 8:56 pm #5951i-did-itParticipant
There is another lady on this site who I think would be really great for you to talk to – she has a similar name to you – she is called “worriedmama”. I think you might find her thread helpful and you could maybe drop her a line on there – you will find her most helpful and you might even meet her in some of the support groups which will allow you to chat .7 October 2017 at 10:34 pm #5952
aww thank you for your helpful comment, I will go and have a look now to find a threat , thank you8 October 2017 at 12:03 am #5953worriedmamaParticipant
Nice to meet you but sorry about the circumstances:(
I have been walking this road for 10 years. That is not said to scare you but as an indication of the relentlessness of this addiction. The only way it abates is when the addict stares “addiction”in the face and no longer buys the crap he is selling.
So very difficult watching a loved one destroy themselves. The best thing you can do is help yourself. If you can find a Gam Anon group you will find the face to face support invaluable.
When you lend money, help with debts, provide gas money etc it just frees up more money for gambling which takes them further down the rabbit hole. Eventually at the end of the day they need to feel the consequences of gambling away their money. If they don’t feel the pain there is no reason to change. Just a note… your idea of pain and your sons is probably miles and miles apart.
I have spent years not quite comfortable letting my son hit rock bottom. Afraid he would lose his great job or kill himself which comes up frequently after big losses. We become terrified and give him one more chance and the cycle continues.
I know your fear, anger, sadness, frustration and hopelessness. Honestly the sooner we move away from their chaos and allow their story to play out the sooner they will decide that maybe recovery is in their best interests.
There is always hope for both you and your son.
Cathyx8 October 2017 at 1:02 pm #5954RedareParticipant
First let me say how much I feel your pain, but also you have found agreat support by coming to this Forum. The support group on a Thursday night at 8pm (GMT) is very helpful and even more important strictly private.
As a mother it is our natural instinct to FIX things for our kids, but sometimes fixing does not help them learn.
I too have a lovely Son lost deep inside a gambler. Like you I have done the threats, pleads and set some boundaries – all to no avail so far. The advice you have above is very clear, he needs to take responsibility of his addiction and will be unable/unwilling to do that while he continues to be enabled by receiving financial assistance from family, friends etc as that just frees up more money.
I hope you will make it to the support group and find some more strength to do the difficult things that your Son now needs to help him on the path to wanting recovery.
It’s not easy being a parent. Xx8 October 2017 at 4:48 pm #5955
Thank you very much for your kind help and advice. I defo now know the only way is not help him out with money. I know when he gets paid in a few wks that will all go but once it does i will not give him a penny. So he feels the pain and hopefully can see. He does sometimes manages to not do it for months but its always hanging over him. Im quite far from the nearest gam anon group. i will try and persuade my husband to take me as it does sound like will help us. I never reaslised that I have to try save myself and not let me become sucked in like I have. I will help him ( not financially )all I can but i will try not to worry about it 24/7 like i have been doing9 October 2017 at 9:15 am #5956DuncKeymaster
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team11 October 2017 at 2:22 pm #5957nkremzarParticipant
Good Day moms.
Thanks for this forum and thread. I just joined today and I cant believe that there are so many moms in the same situation as myself. I have been in the same boat as all above, but my situation takes another turn where my son impersonated me and made huge loans, which I am now liable to pay. He doesn’t have a job, so what is your suggestion. Do I repay the debt or should this be taken up legally with the debt collects and they wait for payment when he does receive a job?
Same as every other mom of a CG ….our kid is lost inside an addict.
Im lost….11 October 2017 at 11:09 pm #5958velvetModerator
I really hope you will join me in the Friends and Family group on Thursday evening between 20.00-21.00 hour UK time where you will meet at least one other mother who has experienced the same confusion that you are feeling now.
By looking after ‘you’ you will be doing the best thing for your son. It never sounds like great advice but it is the best for both of you.
Hoping to ‘meet you tomorrow evening in the group – nothing said in the group appears on the forum.
Velvet12 October 2017 at 1:16 am #5959nkremzarParticipant
Thanks Velvet. I will join your group in evening.
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