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In my desperation to change I found this site. It is my first step to stop gambling. Once I quit for almost a year, only because I got caught maxing out the credit cards. I promised my family I would quit…..but it did not last. One day my adult daughter said to me "Mom, you just seem so empty". That broke my heart. And I still gambled. So many bad things have come from my gambling and I dont stop. I keep everything secret and lie when I have to hide it. I have bad thoughts on ways to keep my gambling alive and funded. Basically I am a mess. How will I ever get back to the me that was responsible and thoughtful to those I loved. I am sooo lost. Gambling controls my everyday thoughts. I am always thinking of the next time I can go to the casino and play my favortie slot machine. I have a hard time concentrating on anything. I think my husband enables me without fully realizing it. He came down hard on me when I first screwed up with the credit cards. But HE continued to go to the casino without me and tried to act as if he had so much control. And yes in ways he is more controlled than me but all in all, he needs help too. After along stint of my not gambling, he agreed to let me try gambling again and he would monitor me. That was a BIG mistake. After awhile things are not too far off from where I used to be. I have researched gamblers anonomous and I have not been able to take that step yet. I am worried about my family knowing I am still gambling. I am scared they will reject me once and for all. Maybe that is just an excuse, but I dont even know myself anymore or trust my own thoughts. I pray for an answer. I pray for a new beginning. I pray for a way to stop forever.
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Originally posted by Meesoouls;
I have not been able to stop …
and,
… How will I ever get back to the me that was responsible and thoughtful to those I loved …Good afternoon Meesooul,
You are here making this claim and asking questions; you have a desire to stop and have made attempts to reach this goal without the results you need. We have all faced this dilemma at some point; I tried and tried different approaches, approaches that merely went alone with my habits, comfort zone, and addictive controlled thinking, until I stopped trying to quit on my own and started working a recovery program to allow me to quit. True, I also accepted the fact that I could not gamble for anything during my recovery, a decision I had to struggle with and combat; however, while allowing changes to be made in my life and lifestyle, and making changes in my attitude toward programs that could help me, I also realized that the urges would not hurt me and would not last. I realized and accepted that I needed gambling free time to work on my recovery a lot more than I needed a short temporary relief. I found that I needed more than a desire to stop; the desire sent me to recovery, working that recovery program leads to living gambling free — "it works if you work it, it don’t if you wont".
As expressed in my closing statement to each of my post, my recovery program, and the Higher Power that guides me in working it, consist of a combination of ways that I use. GT is one and is a big part of my program. And it is not just my visiting, my daily pledges, and posting to others that help me, it is my using the entire site to make and keep me aware, or open minded, of the ways and means to combat urges and stay gambling free. Some of the archived post that I have found helpful are from a member that only post occasionally. His name is Steve and I am leading you to his post in hopes that they may help you as well. He has no topic or "home" page, but read each of the post in the "Topics containing posts by Stephen" page that stre with "by stephen", read what he says over the past years and the replies from others, his insight may just show you how you can get back to being the responsible and thoughtful person you were before the addiction changed you, it helped me. But as he states in one of his post, "you must go after recovery, it does not come to you".
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Be open minded and receptive.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 6/1/2011 6:55:11 PM: post edited by paul315.
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MEESOUL, I AM GOING TO CHANGE THE TENSES AND THE SENTENCE STRUCTURE IN YOUR POST.
REREAD IT AND MAYBE YOU WILL SEE WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN FROM A DIFFERENT VIEWPOINT…
"I FEEL I will not be able to stop, so I convince myself that I will not stop. If I do not stop, things will get worse (CG IS A PROGRESSIVE DISEASE) I know it is possible to be healed from this addiction (not cured but healed). It is not enough to say that I am really sorry. If I want help I need to reach out and accept what is being freely given to me…
Meesoul I write these words for myself and for you!
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