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    • #14647

      It has been quite awhile since I have been on here. I so wish I could write that I have been gamble free. This is one addiction that is very hard to break. I have been through alot since being away from here. None of it good. I really don’t want to share some of it. My last date I gambled was 4-9-11. Pretty sure that was it for me. I lost quite a bit of money and I lost myself. Just sick and tired of it all. It’s a miracle my husband didn’t divorce me. I mean that too. He must really love me. He says he is to blame for my addiction too. Letting me go out to the casino so much. I said no you are not. The night of my last bet I came home from the casino and told my 12 year old twin girls everything. I cried so hard,I felt like THE worst Mama in the world. I told them I needed their help with this. They cried and said they would help me. They said.."MOM,we just need to make plans for the weekend. Then you won’t be able to go." I said how sorry I was for all of the times I chose the casino over them. Spending so much money,when I should have been spending it on them. I have 3 great girls,my oldest is 25. She knows I have had a problem with this for awhile. My husband was very proud of me for the way I handled it with the girls. It is going to be a very long road ahead of me. I am scared. Very scared. I need as much support as I can get. I did GA a few times. I’m not sure if I will try it again or not. I will come on here as much as I can. We only have this computer and my twins like to go on facebook alot. I am determined this time to really fight this damn demon that has took so much of my life away from me. We can all do this. I will be there for all of you too. Stay Strong and positive. Talk to you soon I hope….Maria

    • #14648

      I gambled Feel like a loser Total loser

    • #14649

      I was wondering about you Maria….!! Doesn’t matter about what you FEEL like…time for action now..
      "What will you do differently, THIS time" to quote Colin!

    • #14650

      Hi Maria,
      I have been reading your posts.  I have the same weirdness about money that you do.  The less I have, the more I want to go gamble.  You can kick this!  You know what to do.  I have been "quitting" for so long now I can’t remember when I started.  I have also had dreams like that…gambling plays many tricks on our minds and screws with us relentllessly until we stop letting it control us.
      I just came back to this site a few weeks ago after I banned from the 2nd casino I started going to after banning from the 1st one.  I was doing great until I went out to a local bar that we can gamble at – can’t ban myself from there.  I just have to stop going there on my own.
      The last slip, mess up or whatever we call it happened on Friday, June 3rd.  This time I almost lost my best friend of 38 years.  Let me tell you…I have felt bad, low, mad at myself, told myself this is the last time over an over, but this was the wake up call I have needed for years.  When you on on the verge of losing people you love, it is time to stop!
      Talk to you soon,
      LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    • #14651

      HI Maria,, you are not a loser, you are human.  Get back on the recovery path.  You can do it!!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #14652

      Hi Maria, I was really worried about you, especially with the tornadoes that hit your area not long ago.  I was so relieved when I saw your post.  I know exactly how you are feeling, Maria.  I gambled last week and I’m still fighting those feelings.  We are compulsive gamblers, not necessarily by choice, who desperately want to stop.  I can’t tell you why it is so much harder for some of us to finally get there.  I wish I could.  With all of the knowledge we have gained during our quit *****, you would think we had all the answers.  There’s no doubt, as stated by GA, that this is a very baffling and insidious addiction (disease).  While it’s true that some of us have taken a few wrong turns along the way, it must also be acknowledged that we eventually find ourselves back on the right path, usually with a much stronger resolve and better equipped than we were before.  This doesn’t make us bad or defective people — it just makes us people who are struggling with a very powerful addiction.  When I was in counseling, I spoke of how I felt when members in GA who had time in seemed to build themselves up by tearing others down.  People like me who had been in and out of the program because they returned to gambling.  A two part question was put before me, "Who is the better person in this situation?"  "The person who has time and can belittle others who are struggling, or the person who is struggling and trying with everything they have to be a better person?" I’m of the belief that it doesn’t matter how many ***** you fall, but how many ***** you get up.  The key is to never, ever give up on yourself.  I know that we both have within us the strength to get through this, but we must use all of the tools we have available to us at all *****, and, yes, as they say, we have to do it one day at a time.  We need to forgive ourselves for being human, for not being perfect, and to quickly get back to where we want to be.  I know we can do this!  Love ya, Linnie Live for today.  Hope for tomorrow.

    • #14653

      Thanks you guys:) I am feeling down since I gambled. 3 *****. Not just 1 time. I am really sick now too. Bad head cold. All stuffed up and feel like ****. I hate this frickin addiction. HATE Why oh why do I keep ******** up?? Why do I even want to still throw my money away?? Why can’t I just stay away??? Other people can do it….WHY NOT ME??? **** I feel like a loser. Tomorow is a new day.

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