8 November 2010 at 12:30 pm #2663little blueParticipant
Well here I am – again, just where I hoped and prayed I wouldn’t be. The first time (last time) I swore I would walk away (have him walk away) if the lies and deceit and gambling continued – I foolishly/naively believed him when he said he’d stopped for good but…. I guess thats what you get with a CG in your life – lies and uncertainty. So my background is that I am married to a CG (although I didn’t know he was a CG when we met and later married) – he came clean to me a couple of years ago after wiping out our savings and most of our business and got help with GA etc for a while and all was good. So the last 2 years of being gamble free have been a lie really (well all but the first short while) and after getting in a mess again I have found out the full extent of it and we are back to the beginning. So where do we go from here – I am sticking around (for now at least) as I am not a quitter and I can’t look back on life with regrets at not trying but… I won’t be made a fool of and I won’t let him destroy my childrens lives – if he can’t/won’t put them and their needs first then we will be gone as I know I can/will/do put their needs first. I’d rather be a single mum and times be tough than have them live with the poison of gambling in their lives.
So thats my angry bit over (lol) – despite all that I know that the person I married is not deliberately doing this to hurt us and it is the evil power of gambling that takes over – he is ill really. I will do all in my power to help and support him but know he has to do this himself for himself as well as for us. Already we have a plan of attack and have started to access the support/help out there but will it be enough – only time will tell.
So here we are back here again – I pray it will be different this time, I pray we have a chance as a family, I pray the CG in my life can stay strong and not get complacent this time, I pray it will all be OK and I pray I can learn to trust and fully love him again.
But I am different this time too, I am stronger, I am more determined and me and my children will be OK whatever road my CG goes down – I will not let them down, they deserve at least one parent who is strong (and maybe just maybe they will get to have that from both).3 February 2013 at 5:03 pm #2664littleblueParticipant
Gosh it’s been such a while since I posted here – I have missed my diary and missed group even more. I took a little while away from GT (although I still read your posts and thought of you often) mainly because of the issues that ***** in the Autumn with us UK based people being told we needed to find alternative support to GT. That really shook me and I guess I took the route of self preservation – why continue to get close to people here if I was about to ‘lose’ them. Well I guess I have realised I still need you all…
So before I post a whole lot more I would like to check if I am ‘allowed’ to continue to post here?
Much love to you all
***3 February 2013 at 5:37 pm #2665looby looParticipant
Good to see you here xx I hope you can still access the support, and I suppose the powers that be will be able to tell you if you can/can’t. But just wanted you to know that I hear you and I am still around too.xx Hope to be able to read your update soon xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo13 March 2013 at 1:34 pm #2666littleblueParticipant
Well I haven’t heard either way as to whether I am still allowed on here – I’ve emailed the powers that be again to ask but sadly I suspect the answer will be no so this may be the end of my thread on here. I would just like to say a huge thank you to you all for the support and compassion you have all shown me over the years (F&F and CGs alike). A special thank you to darling Velvet – you have helped me more than you can possibly know. I will think of you all often and wish you all well for your journeys.
Much love as always
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