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    • #52921
      Zero no hero
      Participant

      So tonight after the most god awful bad luck I ended up losing it all yet again. Good thing is I have self excluded for 6 months,could’nr quite press the lifetime button but at least 6 months is a start. See one thing I have realised completely now is that I have no control over this addiction. I mean there is an old gambling adage that goes along the lines of ” a good bet finds you…you never find it yourself” Now this is actually true in my experience. Sometimes you just “know” this bet is gonna win

    • #52922
      Zero no hero
      Participant

      So tonight after the most god awful bad luck I ended up losing it all yet again. Good thing is I have self excluded for 6 months,could’nr quite press the lifetime button but at least 6 months is a start. See one thing I have realised completely now is that I have no control over this addiction. I mean there is an old gambling adage that goes along the lines of ” a good bet finds you…you never find it yourself” Now this is actually true in my experience. Sometimes you just “know” this bet is gonna win ye know?  Usually it does!   BUT  and here is the rub….that good bet doesn’t come along all that often and you spend the time thinking and deluding yourself that the next one can be it.  So the point I make is as compulsive gamblers we cannot wait for that bet we simply are compelled to keep betting.  It is a teribble affliction. It is a massive delusion.  I can look at the days sporting events and pick out good opportunities I suppose you can call them but as I am waiting for those events I am furiously betting on other stuff which I know nothing about, just gambling, it always ends up the same way ..every single time. Lose lose lose.  It is incredibly frustrating but as I said earlier I cannot control this, it controls me.  That all I feel I can write today . Iamso down in the dumps right now, I just wanna die if I am honest.  Anyway day 1 without gambling .

    • #52923
      Steev
      Participant

      Hi ZNH – sorry to read how you are feeling. If you are really down and feeling suicidal please talk to someone now. If you are in the UK – https://www.samaritans.org/ and if elsewhere – https://www.befrienders.org/ and click on find helpline by country. First the good news: This behaviour we have does not have to be forever. I have been “clean” for several years – and even longer than that if you exclude stupid slips. The bad news is that getting there wasn’t easy. I needed the support of others going through it, in my case with Gamblers’ Anonymous and also taking the necessary steps of losing access to gambling sites, losing (as much as I could) access to money and access to time (by firstly getting as busy as possible – and later replacing my gambling with what really matters to me.) Two things concern me. I don’t think a 6 month ban is long enough – what happens in 6 months, will you feel you will want to test it? Secondly, this talk about some bets will find you. I know what you mean and since I have stopped gambling I have passed on sure things. I passed on one once that I knew would come up and “lost” quite a bit of money. Why did I do that? Because my sobriety is far more important than money. What would I have done with my sure money? Well it was a gift wasn’t it – so lets splash out on some gambling! I now have to believe that I am a non-gambler and I don’t gamble on anything. I can tell you the peace of mind this gives me is worth every penny of the non-winnings. Good that you have posted. Good that you have taken the first steps in admitting you have a problem, both to yourself and to us on this forum. Keep posting and hope to hear how you are progressing soon. Take good care.

    • #52924
      Zero no hero
      Participant

      Thanks Steev for your message of encouragement.  It has helped me see one thing at least very clearly and that is that even when the sure thing does pay out of course all we do as CGs is continue and continue and lose and lose, so it really doesnt matter if Jesus Christ himself was to guarantee the bet it is still a spiral to God knows where.  We must make our minds up that there is no betting whatsoever,  I have made my mind up now that I will not gamble anymore.  That point you made has made me lose any belief I may have had in my mind about waiting for the right bet,  I now just do not believe I can win at it , I am a CG it is impossible.  I tried to do a lifetime ban but because I had chosen the 6 month option I cannot even log in anymore to amend it.  To be perfectly honest my interest in betting has been waning dramatically for over a year now,  I was fully convinced in the past I could be a Professional.  I have never been tempted by slots Poker casino games, heck I could go to las vegas and not gamble honestly I mean that.   I have zero interest in anything except sports betting and this is where I deluded myself that I had an edge, if I am honest I would think to myself that I had some chance to win but those who played games of chance as such had none,  ultimately my style of betting and every other style is still the same, we are all the same.  I have other reasons why I have gambled though, very deep seated reasons which I am not sure I can post on here..  I must also tell you that I only started gambling about 13 years ago when I hit 40.  Upto that point in my life I viewed people who gambled as total mugs..I was right !   I literally had no interest in betting so what happened.. a lot of stuff but as I said I am not sure if I can post here ,it is very hard for me to open up about the reasons why I begun and more importanly why I stuck at it when I knew I was causing a wave of destruction in my wake..  

    • #52925
      Steev
      Participant

      Often people turn to gambling to avoid other issues. I was a gambler from the age of 16 but it only became a real problem in my late 20s and I know now that it was because there were problems in my marriage that I was not dealing with. Then my mother died and I really went off the rails.

      Gambling takes over all your senses so that you cannot think about anything else whilst you are in action. Perfect for people that don’t want to get into painful issues.

      I would strongly suggest that if you know what your issues are that you tackle them with a professional. Again as I don’t know which country you are in, I can’t be specific – but if in the UK you could try to access counselling via your GP – try and find someone who specialises in your issue and if you have to pay, get a free or cheap first session – so you know if you can work with your counsellor. Often getting on with the counsellor is more important than the style of counselling involved.
      If that is not possible – see if there is some self-help groups or more informal ways of tackling the issue – but don’t put it off or it will only gnaw away at you and you may find yourself with some other behaviour problem. There is a one-to-one service here that might help and the links that I posted to you earlier are there for anyone who needs to talk. You don’t have to be suicidal. I hope this helps. Keep strong.

    • #52926
      Monica1
      Participant

      There are always reasons why we become addicted to gambling and it is good that you felt able to open up and explain re your marriage. Whilst my situation is different and I have been gf for over two years recovery showed me that I had to deal with my relationship being over and asking him to move out. He also didn’t earn. I prayed that he would find a way to earn money and he did. But it took a year from me telling him to him moving out. The issue was that I still loved him but I had to do it for my own recovery. We r now best of friends and when we see each other as friends we enjoy each other’s company. You will reflect and think long and hard about where u r in your marriage and what u want to do. To be honest it sounds like your wife needs to look at where she is in respect of junk food and where her own happiness lies. Sometimes painful changes are necessary for both to wake up.
      Gambling is always an an abusive relationship and when we do not get any fulfilment from the one we r in, we look elsewhere.
      Seek out support for yourself on the groups here. Some join GA which do a lot of good but was not for me. You will need all your focus on your own recovery. Keep posting.

    • #52927
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hello Zero and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #52928
      Monica1
      Participant

      I agree with steev that you need professional help with your situation.
      I saw your response to my post but it doesn’t seem to be on here.
      Many relationships r what r sometimes referred to as toxic, when they become all about control and power within it. I would ask why have you given away all your power in your earning capability to your wife? For now, it is probably a positive thing because of your problem gambling, however. You say you are scared of your wife. Are you scared of what she will do if you leave? And spreading nasty comments on line is illegal, she could get herself into hot water if she went down that route.
      I remember when I first went to GA I was asked if I was co dependent but luckily I wasn’t and could say no. Are you? What is in it for you and what works for u in the dynamics of your current relationship?
      You do need to get counselling to help you see your way out of this or maybe couples therapy if u want to stay in the relationship.
      But your focus must be on you and your recovery. When we enter recovery after a while all our issues Tend to come up for us to look at and we do get to a place where we can make some considered decisions.

    • #52929
      Zero no hero
      Participant

      Thank you again Steev and Monica,  I am sorry for the late reply but I have been really busy.. and that is a good thing. It has only been 8 days i think but I am still GF.  My relationship is still in a bad place however I really feel stronger in myself to be able to deal with her.  Monica you are right, I did post a response but later I panicked that she might see it (highly unlikely but that was my mind at the time confused and scared)  so i deleted it.  You are also correct when you identify that I am a co-dependent.  You ask what I am getting out of the relationship and quite honestly it is just comfort of a cosy home (for now more about that later) and to be brutally honest …sex.  

      The good news is I have not gambled nor had even the slightest inclination to do so.  As I said before I have lost all belief that I can make a living or any extra money on the side .  That is huge for me.  In the past week I have performed better at work than I have done in a long time.  I can focus on my job. No distraction of looking at my phone for the latest odds.   It is such a liberating experience to have time to oneself and not be constantly thinking and acting out a gambling life.  Little things just minor things like cleaning my car which I hadnt done in months , organising my bedroom and wardrobe, cleaning out the garage and even starting to play my electric guitar again, I am keping busy, I feel like I am awakening from a long depressing and troubled slumber.  In the mornings I now feel like getting up early and facing the day, I just feel mentally strong , I am not ducking and diving anymore I am facing my problems head on with as much honesty and clarity as I can muster.  To that end I decided to put my foot down and take 200 euro weekly to help me enjoy my life. I have booked tickets to see one of my favourite bands in a few weeks in the UK.  I have spent money on going to the cinema solo as my wife will not come along so I just went on my own…and really enjoyed my own company for the first time in a long time.  She will not change right now but I certainly can and am actively doing so.  I used to constantly worry about the house being repoed, about not being able to leave any kind of legacy to my daughter, these things may still occur but I am working very productively now and who knows what may happen in the future anyway, I do not fret so much about it now, what I do realise however if that this is one of the biggest reasons that I persisted in my gambling, out of fear , I just kept digging myself deeper with the thoughts of the future, what a waste of time money..and life !   The fear is rapidly dissapating and the urge is not there anymore.  I am however very wary that it is early days but the feeling this time is definitely a different one.  

      I do not know where my relationship is going to go but time will tell the tale on that score, right now life is good I am losing those guilty feelings which kept me gambling I feel like a new person and I refuse to beat myself up over the past as I cannot change it.  Sorry for the long post and once again many thanks.

    • #52930
      Badsportsbettor
      Participant

      Hey

      Just wanted to let you know I know your feelings exactly. Sports betting is my crutch. I am currently working on beating it. And I understand your mention of just performing better at every aspect of life. I find myself doing better at my work, and taking pride in relationships and friendships. I used to have a time when I would always in the back of my mind be thinking how’s that game doing, like to the point I would fake going to the bathroom so I could check my phone.

      I found that deleting any sports apps off my phone has helped so its a hassle if I have an inquiry about the scores of something. My hardest part is I still love sports and now I feel like something is missing because I have a hard time even watching them now without it sparking interest in gambling.

      Keep staying busy it is the key. When you have a craving to gamble go for a walk without a phone or any technology and just focus about the hurt it has done. Things like this help me.

    • #52931
      Zero no hero
      Participant

      Sorry for the late reply but I have just been so pre-occupied by not gambling ha!   I am 30 days GF and I really do feel the better of it.  I have done like you said and taken all the gambling rubbish off my phone like livescore and sky sports etc..  The truth is I feel awake for the first time in many yrs, not the false Aliveness that you get from a betting high but a much more grounded awakeness. 

      I have not been tempted as such to go back but there were times when I would see a team down at half time and think “ye know what I am not going to bet but I am just curious as to how the result will turn out”  ….so anyway I just realised that this is still messing with my mind and over time it’ll always end up the same way, you think you are being clever but you are not, you are just being a CG.  Now I don’t even bother with that scenario because I recognoise it for what it is….a lure ,a trap to get me back in, no thanks .

      2 weeks ago I had a decision to make at work, it was becoming a bit slack so I could stay a while longer but very likely be let go just before xmas or I could be brave and move on…the old me would have stayed. I took a risk ( a good gamble?)  and I applied and attained a new position in a new company… I have to travel a bit more but ye know what that is the best thing because now I am getting up early and I am so disciplined about it.  The money is better and day by day I am finding newer and more innovative ways to tackle my new tasks… I am loving it!  I had not realised how much of a rut I was in in my last job !  

      My relationship with my wife has also improved dramatically, yes we still have our issues and she is not really helping herself but all I can do is work on my own recovery ye know?  That in and of itself means we are closer.  

      Finally the most important change I have noticed within myself is the ability to take each step as it comes , one day one hour even one minute at a time.  I could NEVER do this while I was gambling, it was always a look to the future with dread ,  now I know my problems are still here but the difference is I can kick the can down the road for a bit and just concentrate  appreciate and just get through my day with gratitude.  This is an amazingly positive feeling, I am not a worrier anymore ha!  

      That’s all for now but I will keep you all updated !

    • #52932
      Zero no hero
      Participant

       .

    • #52933
      vera
      Participant

      I understand how you feel , Zero.
      That is what gambling does to us.
      It’s a curse from Hell.
      It leads to despair and feelings of hopelessness.
      Taking your own life won’t solve anything, though. It will make a bad situation even worse. Think of the legacy you would leave behind.
      The future seems bleak when we are at a low ebb and we think everyone else has an easy life. That is not true.
      Remember this
      “All that glitters is not gold”.
      No point in offering advice or telling you that “things will be better” when you are feeling so upset.
      I would suggest that you phone the Samaritans to verbalize all you have written to a real person.
      It’s an scary place to be.
      I have been in your situation often.
      Gambling solves none of Life’s problems.
      Post again soon.

    • #52934
      i-did-it
      Participant

      Hi Zero,
      Perhaps you would consider applying for the Gordon Moody short residential. It is four days and could change your life. It is so hard to stop gambling and stay stopped without intensive support.

      Life will get better – and you can stop gambling !

    • #52935
      Steev
      Participant

      Zero – if you read your posts from when you had stopped gambling – you will see how much better things were then. Now when you have gambled again you feel like shit.
      But we all gamble again. It is rare that someone comes on here and is gamble free forever afterwards. It takes time and we fall back. The important thing is that we pick ourselves up and keep going.

      Idi has made a great suggestion of the residential – and I would urge you to get help local to yourself – you do not say which country you are in but you use Euros so Ireland? There is GA there – get to a meeting or come onto one of the groups here – especially on Mondays and Thursdays when they are facilitated.

      Please contact the Samaritans or the local equivalent if you feel like hurting yourself. Know that you are not alone and that many on here have come through this thing. We are all behind you. I wish you well.

    • #52936
      Paul Dent
      Participant

      Hi there

      This is a very difficult time time of here for many people and your story sounds particularly desperate. We have people on the helpline tiday and next week to advise how you can seek help. If you feel you need to talk to someone about your more intense feelings then seek The Samaritans or The Befrienders. 

      As you will see from this site, many people go through the most desperate of situations to come out the other side as better people. I hope the New Year brings a fresh start for you

       

    • #52937
      Zero no hero
      Participant

      Thank you everyone I have calmed down. I had a small amount left and decided to go in again. I have worked on these mathematical systems for yrs off and on, they work over time and today they worked also for a time but just as soon as i have one or two losing system bets I fail to even stick it out for a day I cannot wait and that is my problem ,it is all our problem. Compulsiveness . I cannot go residential , it is just not possible, many reasons why not but no insurance so that’s the main one. Cannot pay obviously. Now at least I cannot bet as I am broke and in a way it feels good at least I can try to start new things..again.

      A thought entered my head today I remember when I went to GA for a few session yrs ago that one person told a story about his own position. He had lost everything wife family house job the lot. What was really different about him though is that he freely admitted that he was ” in the know ” so to speak. Basically he had stable information, he came from a racing family, he made it clear that yes some racing is fixed (not nearly as many races as we all may think but still some) and when it is on its on.

      He had made huge money at times , however he could never just stick to this information, he had to keep betting after the almost guaranteed winnings from the family he was part of. This person had every advantage, all he needed to do was bet on the races that were set up but yet he could not, he could not wait .

      He said that If God himself came down and told him exactly how to do it, if God himself told him only bet on this or that but nothing else then he would still lose everything because he cannot control the urge to keep betting long after the money has been won. That is me too. It does not matter . I will lose , if I had the winning lotto numbers and kept betting I will lose. It is impossible to win when you are the way I am. I would do well to keep this in the front of my mind. Steev, Vera, I did it, and Paul GT . Thank you for your very helpful advice. Time to pick myself up…yet again.

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