[pumkin113b]

Hi. I am new to this site. I am a compulsive gambler. I have now been 12 days GF. This is after many stops and starts but this time it feels different. After years of being consumed by my gambling addiction I am finally willing and able to admit defeat and seek out all of the support in fighting this addiction that is out there. I have to say it feels so good to be looking forward to ANYTHING that is not gambling. Before I never wanted to look at the truth of it — I gambled to forget about all of the stresses of life – I gambled to keep away any uncomfortable feelings — and in the end gambling nearly killed me. Talk about stress! Now when I look back I can’t believe that was me. I did and said so many things that were just not like the person I really am. The power that a gambling addiction has over us is incredibly destructive. I look back before I was an addict and I was a responsible, honest, trustworthy, caring, respected person. As an addict I was a liar, manipulator, cheator, thief, con artist, callous and unfeeling. I refuse to be that person anymore. I refuse to let anything in this world make me into that person again. I am 12 beautiful days GF and feeling more hopeful than I have in the past 6 years. I am committed and willing to let myself heal and feel better and stronger with each day. Everyday I wake up and say I will not gamble today.

[Anonymous]

Pumpkin its been a while since ive read your thread, ive caught up with it now. I am truly sorry that life hasnt been a bed of roses of late, as you know things can improve. Personally I think you would benefit from some counselling, have you ever tried it?I dont gamble.

[pumkin113b]

Hi Geordie — Yeah I’m doing the counseling thing too. It does help just taking time.
Reworking some med issues now and hopefully that will help me stay away.
Day 10 today. Last few days have been tough but now they’re done and I’ll move on.  

[Anonymous]

Good for you pumpkin, keep it upI dont gamble.

[jean]

Well done pumkin.Take care xlifes to short

[lynn]

Hi Pumkin,
sorry to hear your recent trouble with the landlord. Its frustrating when you and your spouse can’t communicate or agree on something as important as where to live. It took my husband and I a long time to learn to somewhat be on the same level. Though personally I think that if you are the only one working and able to hold down a job, you should live closer to where you work. Commuting is a waste of time and money, especially when the gas price is as hard as it is now. Keep up your gf day pumkin! I have a lot of respect for your courage to press on regardless of the hardship you are facing.

[pp]

Hi Pumkin
Long time since i chatted.  I am hoping to be here for chat more now though, sorry you are having some difficulties.  You are doing an awesome job on your gamble free time!  Keep moving forward and i will see you soon
 

[pumkin113b]

Yesterday I self banned from the local casino. In fact my husband and I both self banned. It is a HUGE relief. My mind is not so muddled now because whenever the thoughts come I just think too bad I’m banned and cannot go. Now when I think that I get some real relief for awhile! Of course I always wanted to quit — who wants to be a GA? But truthfully I think all this time I still thought there was some way to have it all — control my gambling and still be able to go once in awhile for fun. That was the big illusion for me. That and that crazy dream of the big win! I’ve had all the big wins I want now. Money is not going to solve my problems, worries, anxiety. Look at all those out there that are stinking rich and they still have tons of problems and/or are unhappy. Now I know — I will never be able to control my gambling and I don’t need a big win because I am successful and can reach for anything I want if I put my mind to it. I have taken back some control by signing those papers and banning myself. I know it is not going to be easy……..but I’m doing it now! It has just been one too many horrible sickening self inflicted situations. Finally enough is REALLY enough. 

[vera]

WELL DONE ON BANNING PUMKIN!
So proud of you!

[lizbeth4]

Wow!!!  Awesome that you banned and Hubby did too!!! Way to go!!!!!Seize all the good things in life

[Anonymous]

Great Pumpkin, you must be really proud of yourself. And also a massive bonus hubby banned too, it sounds like you really have had enough of it all. WTG.
Geordie.I dont gamble. Because recovery is priceless.

[hoops1970]

Hi Pumkin – WOW!  I am so glad for you and our husband!  Self-banning is tough to do.  The first time I did it, I thought I was going to pass out.  Thank you so much for your post of encouraging and inspiring words.  Now that you are both supporting each other and you are coming out here to post and chat, you are going to make it!  I look forward to reading more from you and learning from your experiences.  Have a wonderful day!
LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

[diva1945]

Hi Pumkin  Congrats on the banning.  I did about a week or so ago (you can see my journal for details if u want)
but isn’t it just the greatest relief!!!!  It is such a big step and a real committment to recovery.  Keep going strong
Divaif you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right

[jean]

Wow well done pumkin on self excluding hubby to fantastic.Take care xlifes to short

[Author]

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