Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family His addiction is still destroying our family

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  • #6989
    Vduer
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m kinda new to this forum. I need some advice about my family’s situation. My father has been gambling as far as I know.
    His gambling was not an issue before since he has a good job. After my mother died, he remarried and transferred his 2 assets to us his children.
    Then he bought several assets for his new wife and put up their own business. The business failed due to his gambling and at the same time lost his job.
    Instead of looking for alternative ways to provide for his new family, he resorted to gambling.

    For years we’ve been trying to convince him that gambling is not the solution but every time we talk about it he gets mad and verbally insults us. He insists that it’s his job and he’s very good at it.
    He got himself into huge debt because he borrows money to use for gambling.
    There was a point that he threatened to kill me(shoot me with his gun) when I refused to give him one of the asset he transferred to us because I know that he will use it for gambling.
    Years passed as his gambling addiction worsen. He’s been lying to people to borrow money, using other people’s money and forcing some of our relatives to give him money to use for gambling.
    He sold all his remaining assets and even his sss pension. It even came to the point that his recent wife left him because instead of providing them food and medicine he used the money to gamble.

    We’ve been trying to help and convince him for several years to stop his gambling. He never listens to us.
    It caused us emotional and mental stress to the point that my siblings left our house and do not want to go back.
    Recently he’s forcing us to sell our house. All of my siblings are against it since its the only thing that our mother left us and that we all know that if we sell it the proceeds will only go to gambling.

    I was advised by my siblings to leave our house in fear of something might happen to me. My father has a gun, and already has a history of using it to threaten someone(including me).
    I decided to leave our house for my own safety and peace of mind for my siblings.
    He doesn’t know where we are right now so he’s trying to sell our house illegally(we are the legal owner of the house).
    We’re afraid that he will deal with shady people and do more illegal things. We don’t want to take legal actions against him, I’m also torn if I will exclude him to casinos.

    He’s been dragging both his old and new family down. His first family(us) already have our own lives and yet he still causes us stress and emotional burden.
    Can you give me advice on how to deal with this burden? I’m still torn in fixing our relationship with him and letting go and focus on our own family and life.
    It burdens me to see him in his current state but I’ve done all I can to help him.

    #6990
    dunc
    Participant

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #6991
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Vduer
    I am glad that you have taken yourself out of harm’s way physically – please make sure that you stay safe.
    A gambling addiction will get worse unless it is treated but I am sorry to say that you cannot make your father stop gambling. You cannot exclude him from casinos – this is something he must do if he is to change and he has to want to change. Relationships cannot be fixed by one party and your father does not appear to want to fix anything
    Is it possible for you to have a meeting with all the family and friends that have been so seriously affected by your father’s behaviour? it seems to me that you would all benefit from having a united front when you can determine how to cope with this manipulation and stop any further enablement. Maybe he could be anonymously sent information on GA and/or dedicated addiction counselling.
    You cannot save your father, only he can do that but you do have to look after yourself or his addiction will destroy your lives.
    I am not in a position to give legal advice but I feel it is legal advice that you need in your situation.
    Please post again. I wish you well and safe
    Velvet

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