11 August 2010 at 3:44 am #16839
I hit bottom on Friday, August 6th 2010 when I lost my job. It was a job that I loved and was really good at. It is a job that I worked so hard to get and to accomplish great things. I am broke (shocker) and am afraid of my future. My birthday is this Friday, August 13th and I find myself wishing it away as I couldn’t feel more hopeless. I have three beautiful kids and I have hurt them all deeply with deception, lies etc. about the desease that has held me hostage these past ten years. My life is full of harship right now and I have hurt so many people that there is nobody I can turn to that believes I will change.
My heart aches today especially because I don’t want this to be my legacy in life – being a compulsive gambler is not what I wanted for my life or the way I want my children to remember me. I am grateful to God that I found this site today. As I take one day at a time, I hope to hear from you out there and your stories of hope and encouragement. I am only 50 and have a long life ahead if I take the right road.
May I hear from you soon and stay strong!
11 August 2010 at 5:58 am #16840DuncKeymaster
Hi Colleenp51, A Warm Welcome to Gambling Therapy
Having found us you have also found a diverse community who can help and support you on your recovery journey.
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and non-judgemental environment and by reading others stories am sure you will see that you are very much not alone in this addiction
Please click here to see our services page, feel free to use all that this site can offer…
To chat with others in real time you may wish to make use of the support groups, the ***** of these groups are advertised under "What’s on and When" or click here to see the weekly group schedule.
For one to one chat you may want to try the live advice helpline. Click "connect" when these options become available.
Also to say when you registered we would have sent you an email with an attachment, this attachment will help you navigate the site and find the support you so rightly deserve, alternatively this guide can be downloaded by clicking here.
Harry"Occasionally its wise to doubt our doubts, to question our questions, and to re-think our thoughts."
11 August 2010 at 11:58 am #16841
It was nice seeing you on chat today and I am glad you have come here. It is a big step looking for help and this is just the place to find it.. Keep posting and coming to groups.. you will get there Colleen, the days will add up and time will go on and you can have a gamble free life.. it is waiting for you.. think of the barriers that were talked about today that will help you. Good on you Colleen you have taken a big step to helping yourself
P – Living and Learning
11 August 2010 at 12:22 pm #16842howananParticipant
Welcome Colleen. Continue to post your story and read other posts. You are not alone. We will offer you advise and encouragement. We will not (can not) judge you as we are CG and have been there also. I find it is best not to look back or ahead but to stay focussed in today. One day at a time………….NancyWhat lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us………….
11 August 2010 at 8:24 pm #16843
It is Day 2 of hitting bottom! I am here because I need help in order to live a gamble free life. It is hard because I have used up all of my resources and have no money to even buy the needed essentials. Last week I had a $100,000/year job and today I have nothing. I am trying desparetely not to focus on what I cannnot change, but rather what I can try and change moving forward. It is imperative that I have a constant in my life and I am not sure what that looks like at this time. My goal is one day at a time and to surround myself with friends that have been through this and are going through this now.
I am smart and articulate. The saddest part of all of this is the damage I have done to myself and to others. I wish that weren’t true, but it is a sad reality of where I am right now. I hope and pray that God gives me the strength and guides me to the next phase of my life where I can hopefully find peace at last. This is the most difficult time of my life and I am not sure where I will end up.
I read many posts and felt inspired in many ways. I feel very helpless right now because I have no way out of the place that I am. I think I am at the very lowest point of my life. I hope and pray that God will help me find m way again. I am lost and hope to be found. Please keep writing – I need your support this first week without a job.
Colleenp51– 8/11/2010 8:43:26 PM: post edited by colleenp51.
11 August 2010 at 10:45 pm #16844
I am sorry that you are feeling that way right now but it will change. Keep thinking the future will get better, right now you are at the bottom and the only way from here is up! You will feel better as your gamble free days add up, the longer you are away from gambling the better you will feel. Keep coming here and using the support, try to find a GA meeting close to you and go once a week and keep using this site. Try group chats and go on the one on one line. There is hope Colleen you can do this. You just need to put all the barriers in place to let you start working at being gamble free. Dont carry money on you or cards, ban where you can and keep working at this recovery like you worked at gambling.. be consistent, no matter how you feel.. hope to see you soon and congratulations on your day 2
P – Living and Learning
12 August 2010 at 1:03 am #16845paul315Participant
Originally posted by colleenp51
… am afraid of my future … and,
… I have no way out of the place that I am. …
Good evening Colleen, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was August 13, 2009. Welcome to GT, it is a place you can find help. You will also find the friendship of others that have experienced all the things that you have; including hurting and alienating all around us through deceit and lies, and being in a position of having no money to even buy the needed essentials. We have all felt all the same hurt and guilt – you are not alone in your trouble.
First, I am pleased that we are about to share birthdays on the 13th, your belly-button birthday (Happy Birthday), and my gambling free one — one year of being gambling free. One year ago I had no future, or like you, I was afraid of the only future I could foresee; I had no way out of the place that compulsive gambling took me. Again like you, I am grateful to God that I found this site; and I am truly thankful for all the help I found here that has brought me to this point.
You too can make it to this point and carry on even further with a gambling free renewed and better life. Keep reading the post here and learn from the advice of others; then put what you learn to work for you in making the needed changes in your life. Follow the guidance in the Serenity Prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.", practice the basic principle "Do Not Gamble For Anything", and set your goal for living gambling free "One Day At A Time".
God’s speed, use your Higher Power to strengthen and guide you.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be gambling free.
12 August 2010 at 1:34 am #16846ddsroadParticipant
I’m so glad that you’ve found this site! I’ve been here since January, and the site, with all of these wonderful people have really helped me to make a turn around in my life. You can do it too. Glad you are here and take advantage of the chats and posting. It really does make a difference and I’m sure you will find real help here with your recovery!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD
12 August 2010 at 12:19 pm #16847howananParticipant
Colleen, Have you thought of counselling. You can get free gambling counseling by calling the gambling hotline number. I used it and the counsellor helped me alot to understand. Are there any jobs in your area you can apply to? Keep busy as this will keep the urges at bay. Hope everything works out for you…Nancy
13 August 2010 at 10:28 pm #16848
Last night I attended my first GA meeting. I was scared but clearly not alone to face this overpowering addiction. I was welcomed with open arms and felt for the first time that I can beat this thing. I am set to attend meetings almost daily as I fight to rid myself of the gambler’s death grip. I am better and I am hopeful. I am grateful to those that have written – please keep writing – it helps me more than you will ever know.
My heart breaks for all of us that have to work so hard to get better. I believe that God is now in the driver’s seat and helping me to be the person I once was before this addiction. Onward and Upward – today I have not gambled and for that I am proud.
13 August 2010 at 11:41 pm #16849
I am so glad to hear you went to GA.. good for you. It is amazing when we start listening to others stories how we know we are not alone in this.. keep posting here and join in groups Colleen and you will find support every step of the way. Be proud of yourself that you are finding the help that you need as some people never do.. see you soon
P – Living and Learning
14 August 2010 at 1:19 am #16850AnonymousGuest
Keep coming here Colleen and read, read, read….Also, join the chats. Weekends, chats are open all the time. hope to see you there!If you are heading in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!
15 August 2010 at 10:05 pm #16851
Hows things going lately, lets know how you are doing
P – Living and Learning
16 August 2010 at 3:28 pm #16852
Hi Colleen – I believe we met last night at GA. Your story is very similar to mine. Life does go on. I had to leave a job that I loved back in 1997 after taking a large amount of money over a several years. I spent 150 days in work release and actually started in GA around 1998 or 9. I would like to say that I learned something and life changed for me but even smart people have to find their own path to recovery and I took the long way. I came to GA in 2001 again and celebrated my one year, was cured and started believing that I could gamble like a normal person again. I finally decided to lock the revolving door of GA 11/30/2008 and have been coming back every since. I no longer entertain the thoughts of a big win. Your story was very important to me in that it reminded me of my story and how I felt when I was in the position of explaining to my family why I no longer had the job that I held for many years. I hope you do not mind me posting and keep coming back. Use the phone list.
Winning a jackpot will never be life changing, but gambling compulsively is for me.– 8/16/2010 3:32:43 PM: post edited by Gloria M.
17 August 2010 at 6:36 pm #16853
Week 2 has proven to be a little difficult for me as I am unemployed and out of money. I have to wait for unemployment which will likely be a couple more weeks and a final paycheck at the end of the month. I am going to meetings constantly and I thank and love all of you that have responded to my post and my story – I want to be able to live my life knowng that I am free of the compulson to gamble every last cent I have.I have a wonderful man who keeps calling me who has celebrated 12 years of living gamble free. He keeps telling me that he is selfish because he ***** me to get the therapy he *****. Interesting how that works. I am better in knowing that I am around the right people during this dark time of my life.
18 August 2010 at 12:08 am #16854
So pleased to hear of your progress.. that is wonderful that someone calls to check in with you.. very good and well done on your time gamble free, those days will add up, just be consistent in working at staying gamble free even if your day is good or bad.. you can do this Colleen you already are
P – Living and Learning
18 August 2010 at 12:36 am #16855veraParticipant
Hi Colleen, and welcome to GT!
Thank God you have found this place in time, because, believe me,as bad as things seem to be for you now, they CAN get worse!
Compulsive gambling is a progressive disease and our lives can pass by denying this or denying that we are CGS.
From the first time I put money in a slot machine. I knew I had a problem. I knew I had formed a sick bond with this stranger and I knew that all I would ever get for my faithfulness, was abuse and gief! Yet I continued to convince myself that this was the life for me.
I gradually put gambling before my family, my friends,(not before my work) my health, my beliefs until I came to the point , in May 2008, when I was refused any further loans from my bank. On that day, I was frantically searching the internet for some lending agency, any ‘shark’, who would supply me with further ammunition to feed my ‘craving lover’, when by chance, I found this site….
I thought I had it made. No turning back. No more gambling. No more worries. No more fears. My burden was lifted…………
But that wasn’t quite how it worked out Colleen! My dreams /nightmares didn’t end as soon as I woke up, as a matter of fact some of my nightmares only began then…
You see Colleen, gambling leaves a trail of destruction behind it. The gambling legacy is cruel and mean. Recovery is about far more tan giving up gambling. We learn that the hard way. We fall. We rise. We hope. We despair. But the secret FOR ME, is NEVER SURRENDER….never give up hope!
For you, for me. for everybody here, there is a better life ahead.
Tonight, as I type these words, part of me ( the sick part , and yes, it is a sickness), would like nothing better, than to escape into the world of flashing lights and bells and buzzers and bars and sevens and quick fix remedies for all I need to escape from and forget that I am A CG……
The alter ego, the recovering me must and it is a daily decision, must keep telling myself….just for today I cannot/will not gamble…
18 August 2010 at 2:37 am #16856
Hi Colleen —
Hope you are doing okay. I know how hard it is early on in recovery and it looks like you are doing everything you can to help yourself. Remember there are alot of people who are willing to help you whether it be listening to you or if you need a ride to a meeting until you get on your feet again. I am going to be chairing a meeting next Sunday and it will be on a topic that I like from the One Day at a Time book (blue book) which is "Am I living in the problem rather than the answer" (I think or something like that). I think sometimes we know what we need to do to get better but it is hard to keep moving. Great job in making it through the first couple of weeks.Winning a jackpot will never be life changing, but gambling compulsively is for me.
18 August 2010 at 2:08 pm #16857AnonymousGuest
— 30/03/2011 22:37:06: post edited by Shakey.
18 August 2010 at 3:11 pm #16858veraParticipant
IMAGINE MEETING YOU HERE SHAKEY!
LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES!)
can’t get the "all the sevens" caption to come up anymore Shakey….mabye that’s something to do with my seven and a half month g-free stint!………….
And YOU? You still G-free?
how’s the driving?
(sorry for high-jacking your thread C)
7 7 7 7 7
18 August 2010 at 4:20 pm #16859paul315Participant
Originally posted by colleenp51
Week 2 has proven to be a little difficult for me as I am unemployed and out of money….
… I am better in knowing that I am around the right people during this dark time of my life.
Good morning Colleen’
Well done on your achievements in staying gambling free; use these difficult ***** as time to work on changes in your life and learning the different means of help. The man you speak of about his selfish need to see you in recovery come form a GA member’s natural desire and need to work Step 12 of their program, it is not selfish on his part at all, only being a good practitioner.
And I will add alone those lines; Your being here offers much help to us as well; You, and other newcomers like you, let us know that things have not changed in the gambling world for us CGs, your report renews our knowledge of this without us having to venture back into that abyss for a look for ourselves. Thank you for the help that the sharing of your story has provided, and for giving us an opportunity to help you.
It is better being around the right people.
God’s speed. Stay strong.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be gambling free.
23 August 2010 at 5:47 pm #16860
It was really nice chatting with you yesterday. Don’t forget if you can’t get to a meeting there’s always groups that you can log into here and they also have counselling if you feel you need it. The days and weeks will pass. Call me if you need to talk. Have a wonderful Monday.
Winning a jackpot will never be life changing, but gambling compulsively is for me.
23 August 2010 at 6:35 pm #16861colin in brumParticipant
Hi Colleen, well done on the steps you are already taking. Keep posting here, keep going to your meetings. A day at a time you CAN stop gambling and turn yolur life around. Your children will be proud of you, it takes a lot of courage to tackle a tough addiction. Keep posting
24 August 2010 at 12:43 am #16862
It is Week 3 and I am feeling better by the day. The first week was absolute misery for me and Week 2 wasn’t much better. But slowly the fact that I am working on my recovery and getting to meetings makes me very proud of myself and my family is proud of me as well. I am happy that so many of you have reached out to write to me and I read every single reply. Please know that your thoughts, words, and support give me the courage to keep going regardless of the financial circumstances I find myself.
For those reading my post for the first time, maybe you are in a place of hurt as well. I know that feeling very well. It is true that meetings make it and I am happy after every single meeting that I make myself attend. I find something interesting coming out of each and every meeting and the people I am meeting. I am also learning that not everyone is there for the same reason and I am becoming more protective of those that I let into my life right now. I do not want anything to come between me and my recovery and I am enjoying for the first time in a long time not ***** about where I am going at 7:00 PM on a Sunday night.
I am also realizing that life is not a walk in the park for anyone and I want to make sure that I do not sit in judgment of anyone. It makes me look at the homeless differently and others who are struggling. I am reaching out to a therapist to start sessions with her. Everyday is a struggle and I know it will not pass easily, but I am keeping my focus.
Interesting point here – watching the news tonight they are now talking about a new addiction "texting" that provides the same dopamine that fuels many other addictions. I thought to myself, well at least if I text I won’t lose my house, car etc. Food for thought!
24 August 2010 at 1:55 am #16863theworldiknow1982Participant
congrats colleen on making a very important step, everything will work out!!!!!1There’s always gonna be another mountain, i’m always gonna want to make it move.
27 August 2010 at 1:04 pm #16864
Hi Colleen congratulations on making it through these 3 weeks.. You can do this keep coming here for support and never give up, no matter what!! We are all with you
P – Living and Learning
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