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  • This topic has 88 replies, 14 voices, and was last updated 10 years ago by vera.
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    • #25039
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I am new here- but I am desperate for the help and friendship of other problem gamblers, so that we can talk to each other about our daily struggles and hopefully find strength together to quit for good! My story begins about 5 years ago- my mom was visit me from out of state and I wanted something fun that we both would like and so we went to a casino. I had never been and she either and it was very innocent and fun and we both took $60 with us and left with the same amount. Not too much happened from there, until every now and then I started visiting the casino myself long after my mom had returned home. Slowly over time I began the life that now I recognize is the life of a compulsive gambler. Addiction is so odd, my younger brother was a drug and alcohol addict for most of his life and about 41/2 year ago he came to live with me and stayed at my home for 3 years and my hubby and I helped him to get straighten out! I never would have though I would be the one who is now addicted to something- he is doing well and lives in a home we bought last year and is renting from us. So why am I addicted to gambling? This is a question that has plagued me over and over for some time! Am I the escape gambler, the thrill seeker, or something else? I have been to a therapist who specializes in EMDR (it’s called rapid eye movement) and it’s supposed to help with addiction, but I only went one time and she is too far away for me to continue to see her, and I am having trouble wanting to go talk to anyone about this issue! That is why I am here! This past year I lost my brother to a tragic truck accident and his wife who had been battling leukemia for 7 years came to live with us and she lost her battle with cancer on the 10th of this month.. She was on hospice and I was her caregiver for 8 months, it was very hard. My dad also had a heart attack and was very ill… So much happened last year, and yet how can I blame all that on why I gamble? I can’t because I gambled before all that, and I stop from time to time, like when my brother was living with us, and many other times when I needed to like handling my brother funeral and caring for my sis in law! Yet I always return to gamble when I can, and it makes me sick when I go there and sick when I loose so much money! I can’t get over the losses in my mind! I will have a big loss and want to quit and try and do so for a month or so, then return and loose more! I know I need to stop and hopefully today is the day when I will quit for good! I hope you all will take time to read this, to write to me and to tell me your story- your thoughts and share how you are doing each day! I need your help and you need mine!! I see so many people suffering while I am at the casino, it breaks my heart- and I am one of those people and you reading this are too because you are here in this forum! Hope to hear from everyone- I don’t want to gamble anymore, if anyone can please help I would so appreciate any and all advice… Jo

    • #25040
      janey1
      Participant

      <

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

      privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #25041
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Thanks so much, I appreciate you all taking the time to write to me. Today I took a step in the right direction and self excluded myself from the casino I go to. Now just one day at a time…

    • #25042
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Peacegirl)))! Thank you for sharing your story on here! I could never have predicted that I too would have become a gambling addict. Slot machines seem like innocent things to play, but the cold hard truth, is that there is so much science that goes into making them highly addictive. There just isn’t the awareness out there of how addictive they are, like there is for drug and alcohol addictions. We know that if a person tries cocaine or crystal meth, that they will probably be instantly addicted, so many of us don’t even try it, for that very reason. When my brother died just over 5 years ago, in a tragic accident, my gambling spiralled out of control. My brother hit a moose while riding his motorcycle on a sunny Sunday afternoon in September. I believe that until a person loses a sibling to death, nobody can really understand what it is to go through that. Keep coming back to post and read other people’s stories. In time you will develop some great friendships with some pretty special people here, both compulsive gamblers and staff. Carole

    • #25043
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Thank you SO much for sharing with me, and I feel we can relate to each other because we both lost our brothers to tragic accidents. There is a pain in my heart that just won’t go away! I still can’t believe he is gone!! My gambling has been out of control for several years off and on, but last year was the worst! I self excluded myself from the Casino I go to today, and it was embarrassing and made me feel awful to be escorted out by security, but at least I will not go back there! There is one casino that is farther away, but it’s so far I doubt I will go much and if I do, then I will self exclude from there as well! I have lost time, money, precious moments of life and so much more due to gambling. Right now I cannot wrap my head around how I could get involved in gambling. It is without a doubt something I could never have imagined! I hope everyone has a bright day, and today is a gamble free day for all of us..Right now today is my first day gamble free and moving towards a new start- but since yesterday I gambled away the day and money ect.. I am still very much in shock at myself and sick to my stomach that I did it again, and couldn’t sleep at all last night!! But the rest of today I am going to try to just breath!! Jo

    • #25044
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi Peacegirl and welcoem to the Forum. I’m sure you will be reading a lot you will relate to on the other threads here. You will also be reading the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

      Well done on the steps you have already taken, getting banned from the casino is a good first step. You mentioned your husband – does he know about the problem? Does he know you are now trying tostop? maybe he could help with accountability, make you less able to visit that more distant casino.

      Right at this moment try not to get too wrapped up in the “whys and hows” of getting involved in gambling and this addiction. The important thing for all of us in the early days isn’t “Why?” its doing what we need to do to stop. After all knowing why wont stop you being a compulsive gambler, once we cross that line there is no return to “normal” gambling.

      Again, well done on the steps you have already taken and i look forward to reading your progress in recovery. Stay strong, one day at a time.

    • #25045
      p
      Participant

      HI peacegirl

      Wow well done on your barriers already in place that is just fantastic. Its good you have come here. There are a lot of great benefits to being here. People to chat to in chat, one on one with an advisor on the helpline, forums, posting, reading, its a wonderful little world here, very helpful for your days in this journey. Its good you have found it and taken the first steps needed in reaching out for help. Its the hardest thing sometimes asking for help. Also if you have a look online in your area for any gamblers anonymous meetings they can be of great benefit too.

      P

    • #25046
      vera
      Participant

      Hi Jo and welcome to GT!
      I first came here in 2008 and the biggest regret I have is that I did not follow the advice or use the tools I was given then, to reform my life. I stopped gambling for long spells. Banned myself from several casinos but always found new ones. When I read that the next casino is further away from you, it reminded me of my situation. casinos that were “too far away” became my “local” after the first few trips. No distance is too far for a CG, JO. I travelled long distances , in all weathers, at all hours of the day and night to get my “buzz”. Indeed , when we ban ourselves or limit our chances to gamble, the urges can become so strong that we would go through flying bullets to get there.
      “Why do we gamble?” is a common question! When I am in the throes of addiction I would say “why not?” but when I stand back and look at the reality I realise it is a form of madness. Nobody in their right mind would keep putting money in a slot machine and expect to get even half of it back, yet Cgs keep doing the same thing over and over hoping for different results! While we are sitting around waiting for “good results” , we are destroying our lives. It’s only when we wake up as you have done, Jo that we see that our lives are in a mess all due to gambling!
      the good news is that we CAN change.
      Keep posting and reading here. Its a good (though underused site) and you will meet lots of new friends who understand your plight and one day at a time things will improve in your life.
      The alternative is to do it your way and lose everything!
      Gambling comes with a price tag Jo. It ruins lives!
      Well done on having the courage to take the first step!
      We learn from each other!

    • #25047
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Peacegirl, Thank you for posting on my thread. Welcome to GT! I am sorry that you have gone through so much pain this last year, losing your Brother and Sister in law and dealing with your Father’s health issues. As you read on my thread, I lost my Husband almost 1 year ago. The pain is always there, but it does get easier to deal with. I am glad that you have put barriers in place. I banned myself and went to GA meetings. Do what you have to do to make it harder to gamble and get all the support you can, here and GA meetings. Why do I gamble?? For me it is a escape mechanism, to not have to deal with painful issues in my life. It is hard to confront the issues and it has taken me a long time to work on these issues, but I am doing that. Life becomes more enjoyable when you don’t gamble and you will find yourself growing and changing. Keep posting!! We are all here to support you. Take care.

    • #25048
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Vera, thank you for your post- I can relate to everything you said completely, and right now all I want is the whole gambling thing to be behind me. I don’t understand how I can go for long periods of time and not really want to gamble and then get back into it and gamble worse and worse each time!! It’s horrible, but I truly am going to dedicate myself to never gambling again.. I have said this many times, but always went back to it! This time seems different because I just cant and don’t want to do this anymore! I will ruin everything I have if I continue, I have read and read about others and I know how bad it gets.. thanks for the encouragement, I will just continue to post on here when I have feelings because it helps! And to Lizbeth, I am so glad to hear from you. I read most of your posts from the past couple years last night and really related to you. I am so sorry about your husband and I feel you are one of the bravest and strongest women I have seen! Gambling is a nightmare to control or quit and each day you write your posts you seem to have a positive spirit and that is remarkable:) I too gamble to escape or probably other reasons, but as Charles commented above maybe I should just move past that and focus not so much on the why I do what I do, and just do the best I can each day to make the most of that day! I am scared though that sometime in the future my brain will once again say, “let’s go to the casino.” For no reason it does that after long periods of not going! I am never strong and give in, now that I am banned it does help, but as mentioned I could drive to a further one, but I generally will not have the time to do that! (I hope)! One time I started up gambling again just because someone said let’s go to the casino and I went along with it and I shouldn’t have! I don’t think I have ever quite recovered from starting that time up again, just had shorter periods of stopping! But today as I sit her, I just am done! I don’t know how I can learn to like myself again, I feel like all the money I wasted could have been put to good use, and that makes me sick inside!

    • #25049
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Does anybody else have high anxiety for a few nights or a week after they have had a big gambling loss, and also can’t sleep? It was a month ago (before yesterday) that I gambled and I had the same issue, high anxiety- when I close my eyes the first night or so after a binge, I have to open then instead of falling asleep because I see the lights, hear the sounds and I feel horrible and can’t sleep… Hoping this will pass very soon!!

    • #25050
      vera
      Participant

      High anxiety for a few night after a gambling loss, Jo?
      I have had high anxiety every night, since I lost money gambling and I know the anxiety will not disappear until my debts are cleared. The only thing we can do to cut down on the anxiety is to ensure we do not increase it by gambling again. Gambling relieves the anxiety for a while, but in the long term, increases it. My anxiety manifests itself in many ways, but mainly in sleepless nights where my head buzzes and I relive the highs and lows of gambling. (The lows outweigh the highs!) I have spent many a night adding and subtracting and shuffling money around in my head, but it DOES ease the longer we stay away from the “action”!
      Just take it one day at a time, Jo and don’t expect instant results.
      We are reaping what we sowed!

    • #25051
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi Jo

      In the early stages of recovery I suffered terrible anxiety. Unlike Vera it wasn’t so much the debt that caused the anxiety. For me it was knowing I “could” gamble if I wanted to, removing the “Could” was for me a challenge but also a great part of my recovery

      By handing over control of my finances, self exclusion, opening up to friends and family I found that over a relatively short period of time the anxiety and urges diminished, the anxiety was partly due to the fact I couldn’t find the courage to be 100% honest… It’s amazing how a huge weight is lifted once everything was out in the open

      Do you still have control of your finances Jo?

      Have you managed to be 100% honest with your family?

      Is there anything you could do to help yourself?

      You’ve made some really positive steps Jo, you should be proud of yourself

      Take Care

      Harry

    • #25052
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Peacegirl, (I like that name), You should just focus on today. Take it one day at a time. I have experienced gambling slips on my journey but I came back here to GT and moved forward. I agree with Harry, once I was 100% honest with the people in my life, I felt like the biggest burden was taken off of me and it was so freeing!! I remember the anxiety. Oh, that was horrible. I would have anxiety when I gambled and when I was planning to gamble. It was a vicious cycle!!! The first time I came here was after a huge binge and I cried all the way home from the casino. I was physically sick and so disgusted with myself. I couldn’t go on living like this, with the low’s and high’s. I knew life had to be better. I just needed help with finding how to go about living without gambling. Stay here and listen to all of the advice and support. Sometimes you will not like what you hear as it hits close to home but remember that the advice is coming from a good place and that everyone here wants to help and support you. Stay positive!!! Take care!

    • #25053
      April
      Participant

      Oh yes, I’ve felt the anxiety before, during, and after a gambling binge. Talk about a cycle or pattern! I am here to finally Win! the battle against my 2nd greatest addiction that is gambling right there next to smoking cigarettes. You have to start somewhere and the support helps. Also having a place to talk freely about this with other like souls brings comfort to a troubled mind. I have been reading a lot of good advice from here and am already in the process of incorporating it into my daily life. For me today is Day 2 off of a gambling binge and minute by minute the anxiety is lessening and spending time today in these Forums are certainly helping to reduce some of it. Just knowing that I am not alone helps tremendously. Only all too often I feel that I am and that this is my problem only. I only too often feel my life spiraling out of control all over my gambling disease and I need to get a handle on it now! In less than 4 short hours I will hit Day 3 of No Gambling and I hope to continue just as well into Day 4. One thing I learned the hard way after 3 plus straight years of No Gambling in any way, shape, or form is to never stop counting the time away from the activities involved in gambling. Every single second counts toward one’s recovery! This is only the beginning of the rest of my life away from Gambling and I know I have a long road ahead but I will Win this one! I for one have had enough! Just need to learn to take it one moment at a time, baby steps. Thank you in advance for your time reading this.

    • #25054
      monique
      Participant

      I want to add my welcome to you. You have chosen a lovely name and I hope you can live gamble free and in peace. You have had lots of interesting replies already, which will give you support and a sense of friendship, I am sure. Joining groups sessions is also helpful.
      So a warm welcome from me and every good wish for your journey.

      Monique (Gambling Therapy Team)

    • #25055
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I was here and posted this 2months ago and I banned myself from the casino that I used to visit and I moved forward, was doing really good- had sold lots of stuff I didn’t need to make extra money, worked really hard and started to like myself again! Then this past weekend, on one of the first weekends I was by myself again, out of nowhere I went to the casino farther away that I didn’t ban because their banning process was so different and really a joke, and I never liked the place, but this past weekend I went once, then twice after I messed up and tried to chase loss, then 3 times, trying again to chase, when all did was loose, and loose and loose a huge amount. At this point I am shock. I was going so much better, I can’t even comprehend how this happened. It took me so long to get back on track and so much work to make up at least alittle for past binges of gambling and then just when I was barely making a little headway I go and do it again, in a huge way! I feel lost right now…. Today I could just use encouragement, stories, anything that will please help me. I have contacted a counselor I went to once before, and I hope to go every week now… I want this to stop so bad. I want to look back after a year, 5 years and just know that I am done! This is scary and humiliating, depressing, sickening, you name it… Any thoughts would be much appreciate!

    • #25056
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I totally understand, I relive the buzzes and the lights and the bad looses and the winning then putting it all back in and loosing over and over and I don’t sleep for nights after a binge!

    • #25057
      vera
      Participant

      Good to meet you in Charles’ group earlier Jo.
      Every time I gamble, it involves a plan. I put the plan in place. Like a sleeping monster that plan lies in wait. Then , when I get the ammunition (money and time) and the impulse strikes, off I go!
      Trace your steps back and see if you too had a plan?
      I am trying to set up alternative plans these days . I need to make sure I have no spare time and no spare money.
      Try it Jo!
      it works!

    • #25058
      icandothis
      Participant

      Welcome back. Good for you on all those gamble free days and on banning from the casino nearest you. This disease is progressive, but as Geordie points out, so is recovery. It may be hard for you to see, but you are making progress in your recovery. I am suffering from recent losses, also. I understand how low it can bring you. Try with everything in you to stop and regroup. Focus on today, or the next hour, minute and do not gamble. Don’t look back. But also don’t look forward and think about how you will be gamble free after a year or 5 years. I have done the same thing. When I do that, I panic and I will sabotage myself because deep down I really don’t believe I can make it one year, let alone 5 years or for the rest of my life!
      Like you I like to look ahead. I have pictured myself the wise sage who offers advice to new comers because I have been gamble-free for sooo long. Unfortunately, I gambled last Sunday. Not a wise choice at all! What I can offer you is my hand…which I extend to you through cyber space and my prayers, which I believe will reach you through cyber space. Don’t give up on yourself. We won’t ever do that. I have found that posting here on a consistent basis is the best thing I can do for my recovery. Take care and just take it One Day at a Time!

    • #25059
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Thank you both for your comments and care! Today being the day after the binge, I know will be hardest for now- but I know from the past each day gets better, but someday in the future I hope it gets better to the point that I don’t slip up again! Vera, maybe gambling is always in the back of my mind- IDK right now… I sometimes catch myself daydreaming about being a social gambler,and saving money specifically set aside to gamble, or I even have thought about visiting casinos in other states to see what they are like. So maybe no specific plan, but maybe just always there, lurking behind me telling me it’s fun, when for me it is anything but fun!!

    • #25060
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Just wanted to add something that I am wondering if others are going through and how they conquered it! For years now, I go on a gambling binge that may just be one day, or several or a few weeks- I may win some, but then ultimately loose it all then huge huge more losses! Then I am frantically trying to make up for losses by working extra hard, selling unwanted items, having yard sales you name it! And I usually recover enough to get back to the spot finacially I started at before the binge, however- I am sick emotionally and mentally drained of trying to play catch up with making up for losses. And then as the loosing escalates and I loose huge amounts instead of the smaller amounts I lost say at the beginning years ago- I am not able to recover like I did! I can hardly think about trying to make up for this last mistake again. I painfully worked like crazy for 2 months to make up for the last one, only to repeat and do it again. Does anybody else do this?? Do you gamble in huge binges then try to work extra hard and make it back, then feel better then do it again?

    • #25061
      cat438
      Participant

      hi peacegirl I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. I have gone through some gambling binges, and I know that if I went to the Casino and put a dollar in a machine that is what would happen to me right now. It would not matter how much I won as I would just feed it back into a machine. I know that even winning small jackpots it did not give me the high that it did in the beginning. I wanted more and more and money had no value to me in a Casino as I just kept feeding it in. It was only after I left the Casino and ended up in my car in tears that I realized what I had done. It did not stop me from going back to try and win back some of the money I lost, but it never worked for me, even if I won I just fed it back in. You are not alone peacegirl there are so many of us who are compulsive gamblers, or gambling addicts, whatever you want to call it. I never thought I would be a compulsive gambler. I tried to do the controlled gambling by only allowing myself a certain amount of cash, by only allowing myself to go once a week, month or whatever, but once I get playing a machine I have no control. I found it difficult to admit to myself that I was a compulsive gambler as I did not think I could survive without gambling. I could not face the thought of never playing my machines again. I now take it one day at a time. I went to see a counsellor for one on one and that really helped me, and also did not allow myself to have access to money/cash. No money = no gambling. I found that for me playing those slots/vlt machines spiralled more and more out of control. Wishing you a gamble free day.

    • #25062
      vera
      Participant

      Just to say I’m thinking of you today Jo. I hope you got some sleep and that you are coming to terms with your loss!
      How crazy is that?
      That we have to come to terms with self inflicted loss(torture!)
      God forbid, if we were diagnosed with some incurable disease we would be searching frantically for ways to ease our pain but with gambling, (which IS an incurable/progressive disease) here we are (sometimes) still searching for ways to gamble and when we have to face the inevitable loss, sickness, grief and pain we wonder how it happened! Yet , because we are CGs, we repeat the same action over and over.
      I think this repetitive action is what causes a CG to be confused Jo. We never stop for long enough to think. When we are in the throes of gambling our thoughts become blurred and like dogs chasing their tails, we keep going around in circles until we are forced to stop….
      I gather from your posts that you gamble on slot machines? They are also my poison. I could sit for 20 hours at a time watching those damn reels spinning , waiting for the random prize and feeling the thrill of “winning” even €50, and all the time denying that it cost me five hundred!
      It is only when we step back and look at it logically, Jo, that we will regain some sanity and power.
      As Cat rightly says EVERY TIME we put a cent into those machines we become powerless.
      The two lessons I have learned the very hard way are,
      1. Once we cross the line into the CG world there is no turning back!
      2. CGs NEVER win!

      Stay focused. Just for today!

    • #25063
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Thank you for your posts Cat and Vera, Well last night I did sleep a little better, but I woke this morning feeling frantic and wanting a way to get my money back, it’s a huge amount- too much to express how much I’ve lost especially this last year! Anyway, instead I did what my mom and I talked about me doing last night, and that is I printed off the self banning sheets all the casinos in the state near me, not just the one I had already banned myself from but all of them, and I forced myself to hop out of bed and go get them notorized and thank goodness I sent them in! Now I am banned from all casinos near me! That helps me alot, but I know I am always going to be a compulsive gambler and I can’t let me guard down. I could drive 4 hours to an even further state, I realize that- but for now at least the tempation of the places that were an hour distance from me will be gone, or at least I won’t be able to go there! I still feel horrible. But it’s day 2 again of non gambling, and so I am going to try to move forward. I think I need therapy and my mom is coming to visit me for a few weeks on the 20th of this month and she said she will go to GA with me.. I ran errands today and I couldn’t wait to get home to post on here, so I guess that is at least something! I just need to feel surrounded by others who understand what I am going through because it makes no logical sense to anyone, only those who have been in our shoes! Well, I have to start living odaat. I don’t do that too often, I look ahead way too much! I wish you all a gamble free day!

    • #25064
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Thank you for your posts Cat and Vera, Well last night I did sleep a little better, but I woke this morning feeling frantic and wanting a way to get my money back, it’s a huge amount- too much to express how much I’ve lost especially this last year! Anyway, instead I did what my mom and I talked about me doing last night, and that is I printed off the self banning sheets all the casinos in the state near me, not just the one I had already banned myself from but all of them, and I forced myself to hop out of bed and go get them notorized and thank goodness I sent them in! Now I am banned from all casinos near me! That helps me alot, but I know I am always going to be a compulsive gambler and I can’t let me guard down. I could drive 4 hours to an even further state, I realize that- but for now at least the tempation of the places that were an hour distance from me will be gone, or at least I won’t be able to go there! I still feel horrible. But it’s day 2 again of non gambling, and so I am going to try to move forward. I think I need therapy and my mom is coming to visit me for a few weeks on the 20th of this month and she said she will go to GA with me.. I ran errands today and I couldn’t wait to get home to post on here, so I guess that is at least something! I just need to feel surrounded by others who understand what I am going through because it makes no logical sense to anyone, only those who have been in our shoes! Well, I have to start living odaat. I don’t do that too often, I look ahead way too much! I wish you all a gamble free day!

    • #25065
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi! Banning yourself from the casinos was a big step. Be proud of yourself for doing that GA was a big help for me. It does help to have people who are going through the same thing surrounding you. I remember going on gambling binges and trying to make up the money I had lost. Many times I was behind on my monthly bills or money was tight for some time and then I would turn around and gamble again. I remember the sick feelings and my stomach being in knots. The restless nights were the hardest No one should ever have to live like that. You are implementing good barriers to help you. Take care and have a awesome day!

    • #25066
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Lizbeth, if it’s okay I want to ask you a question. How long have you been gamble free? I have seen some of your posts and I feel amazed that you seem to be living a normal life, yet you are still here posting. What I mean is, usually and myself included- after we feel better and start to feel like we have conquered something (and I did this often) we forget and don’t come to these sites. Back on Feb. 27, I thought I was done, completely and total done, I had banned myself from the casino I frequented and I had stopped before, so I thought I didn’t need to come to this site! I see now just how wrong I really was. What gives you the inspiration to keep writing,to keep coming.. How do we keep it in the formost of our minds that we are CG’s and even after long periods of no gambling we are only one step away from returning to binge or fall or whatever! You inspire me from what I have seen! Thank you

    • #25067
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi. Peace girl.. You are on your way to freedom girl. Joining here, self banning and heading to GA. I can’t see this addiction beating a determined girl like you. Well done!! I managed seven months blissful gamble free time. I felt really happy , and peaceful and grateful… But I slipped but am back on the straight and narrow. Trust me on this one. .. You will not believe how quickly your life comes together. It’s great you have your mum on board. I just know you are going to be one of the great success stories of this site!!, way to go….

    • #25068
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I appreciate your encouragement so much, and I plan to be here every day to write and to share and to eventually after I feel better myself, encourage others too!! 🙂

    • #25069
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Reading about your success and determination is really encouraging !!!

    • #25070
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi! I came to this site 3 years and 6 months ago. Since then I have had several slips. I still post here as it helps me to be accountable. The main reason I post here is that I have support and friends here. Many people here kept me sane when my husband died. I like to see how everyone is doing. I still have urges at times and posting my thoughts helps me work through them. I know that I will never conquer being a compulsive gambler. It is always there waiting to pull me in again. I need to not become complacent and to keep working on being gamble free. One day at a time

    • #25071
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Hi Lizbeth, you are such an inspiration- I am so glad you do keep posting and I hope I will keep posting too!
      Well, today has been without a doubt one of the hardest days I have had since being a CG (of course there are many terrible days to when actually gambling). Anyway, I woke up in a panic- almost terrified of the money I had lost and my mind just kept thinking and thinking that I needed to go gamble to get it back! I got dressed, went to bank- did all my gambling things I do, like have cash- use a certain cross body purse ect ect… and I even told myself, “well I banned myself yesterday and the paperwork is not there yet, so I can go one last time.” I stopped in the parking lot of bank, tried to reason with myself and drove a little further to park. I pulled over under a tree and cried, I was having the hugest urge to gamble, and I prayed for God to help me! I then googled on my phone gambling urges and up came an article from Gambling Therapy that explained that the urges will pass, they seem terrifying and but when we break then down, and first accept it for what it is an urge, and then realize we don’t have to respond to it, and if we wait it out and distract ourselves it will lessen and eventually go away. I read and read the article, until the urge that was a monster slowly started to disapate! I then went to the store and looked around, ran into a friend I had just met, and after I went out to my car- wham another huge urge to go gamble! This time, I pointed my car towards the casino and drove all the while thinking of the article I read, but still heading that way! I eventually pulled over again, read the article again, waited for it to pass again and turned back towards home! All in all 2 1/2 hours was spent with me out there in panic mode, actually half believing in my mind I could win back the thousands of dollars I have lost in the past months/years, heck who knows! It’s the amount of money that gets me! As the years progressed the amounts got higher and higher, until now I’m just in panic over how long it will take to get even remotely halfway back to normal! This disease is so terrible…On my way back from my “drive” all over creation with my urges in full force, I called a therapist that my other counselor suggested since she is closer to me and well she didn’t answer but I left a message and said I want to come in soon! Now I’m home, my house is a mess the dogs are barking, a storm is coming and I have a million things to do- BUT I did NOT gamble… I don’t really feel a sense of accomplishment or anything, I just feel awful still, but I am so thankful for this site because it literally kept me from going today and I couldn’t wait to get on here and be able to express my feelings!! Day 3- Very hard but trying to move on again….

    • #25072
      vera
      Participant

      Well done Jo!
      You had a very close shave today! I had lots of days like that ! “Will I, won’t I?…why not?….. Maybe I will win(sic)…another few hundred won’t make any difference etc etc!” I often turned back from gambling , but more often than not, I didn’t! It is not a good idea to go out alone when you have access to cash, Jo. Think about it…..
      Going out alone with cash has been my downfall.
      No money=no gamble!!!
      It also means no urges, or very few because the addiction only lingers when it knows it can be met.
      Harry posted (on your thread I think) some time ago that debt did not cause him the anxiety it caused me, but knowing he COULD gamble created his anxiety.
      Remove the source of the anxiety Jo.
      Remove you access to money!
      Make it IMPOSSIBLE TO GAMBLE!
      NOW!
      Life will become easier as time goes on.
      YOU WILL NEVER GET THE MONEY BACK THAT YOU LOST!
      Neither will I!!!!
      Let it go…..odaat

    • #25073
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Yes, so much- so true!! I am trying to remove access to money but haven’t got all my stops in place yet.. Was so awful today, so thankful for this site, but I have so far to go. But like you said odaat!! So for today, I am not going to gamble:)

    • #25074
      vera
      Participant

      I haven’t blocked my access to money totally either Jo. I think a little bit of me (us) always wants to leave a door ajar to gambling. We need to bolt those doors firmly and SURRENDER!
      I joined this site in May 2008.
      Six years “talking the talk!”
      Time to “walk the walk now”. It is not easy, but gambling will kill me if I don’t quit. My health is affected as well as my finances…
      By the way , have you “met”Bettie who is a member here? One of the successes! I think you are from the same area….Might be good to have someone to call, if B agrees to that!

    • #25075
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I am not sure I have talked to Bettie yet? Maybe 2 months ago when I was here I may have, but I can’t remember. I am open to talking to anyone that can help lol,, But how do you know where I am from?? It’s a big secret you know-I don’t want anyone to know how pathetic I am in this area (and I would put LOL next to that, but most of that is true-I am ashamed):)

    • #25076
      vera
      Participant

      Our Profile shows the follow, Jo,
      User Name
      Gender
      Language
      Time Zone
      You find this out by highlighting the name of the person submitting the post. I usually look at it so that I know the time zone for posting to people in “real time”. Having somebody there to answer immediately is important to a Cg especially when we find ourselves in crisis and distress. Don’t worry, everyone here can remain as anonymous as we want to be. I email some other members but GT does not recommend this as far as I know. It is more healthy for all concerned to stick to the Forum, but obviously nobody wants to expose every detail on the world wide web!
      GT is a wonderful site and the ground rules for using it to it’s full potential are based on common sense!

    • #25077
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I really am glad you are here Vera and appreciate you talking to me:) I hope to come here almost daily except when I am working weekend with hubby, then I may not be here.. Otherwise I hope we can continue to talk and be support for each other:)

    • #25078
      cat438
      Participant

      Peacegirl you are doing great coming and posting. WTG on not gambling and waiting out the urges. I would try and get something else in my head when they came. I would sing Taylor Swift’s song in my head…. we are never ever ever getting back together and I would be singing it to the slots. It is one day at a time and if we focus on today then we are okay. I think a lot of our challenges is that we have decided we are not gambling and we want to have months of gamble free time right away. It’s like deciding to go on a diet and we want instant results.
      It is interesting that you mention that no one knows about your gambling. I am in the same situation here. The only people who know are my husband and kids. I don’t tell anyone else. I have actually met a couple of the people from GT and it was wonderful. I have met Bettie and Carole. It is so good to be able to share with people who understand what you are going through. I use GT as my outlet to post how I am feeling etc. One day at a time is the way to go. Have a great gamble free day!!!

    • #25079
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I woke up today and had several things in my mind. My first thought was of the article I read last night about a woman who lived up north in my home state where I grew up and once they opened the casinos she became a CG. She tried and tried to quit, banning herself from all the casinos in the surrounding states and her state as well. For a year things improved and her family thought she was doing great! From all accounts it appeared she had conquored it! Then one night her sister got a call from the hospital. She had overdosed on anti depressants. Her sister found in her car gambling reciepts for the ATM withdrawls in a state that was 2 states away.She had returned to gambling even if it meant driving that far away to do it. She died 5 days later! I cried and cried last night when I read it, I felt so much pain for her- pain for others and I felt anger too at the casinos themselves and the states that are allowing gambling, almost everywhere now and it’s killing people!! I then thought about my younger brother who struggled with drugs and alcohol addiction for nearly 20 years. He reached his bottom after many visits to mental inst. and jail and almost dying many times, as well as breaking his leg, getting a super cell infection in his arm from shooting up that almost killed him (in hosp for months and months), and so many more stories that he went through! I thought about when he arrived at my home to live with me, with nothing but the clothing on his back and a messed up head, and how he had to just keep going with us everyday, he had no license to drive, so we took him to work with us and we monitored all he did. For a year and a half he was with us every moment and got somewhat better! Then we gave him an opportunity to do his own work for a weekend by himself and he had just gotten his license back and that weekend he got drunk. It was the only time, he came home to me and cried-and I told him that he had to like himself fully- and he has not drank or used since, that was years ago, he is happily married- works in our business and has the other half of our business and works by himself always!!! BUT I thought about this, he is addicted to something, it’s not much but he spends all his time painting action figures and selling them!! He belongs to groups just for that, and he buys all the stuff for them.. I thought about this and I realized, we are all addicts to something. Perhaps we have to find another focus that is not so harmful. If that is all he is addicted to, then that is a blessing!!!So I determined myself to focus on my hobby more.. I mean geeze if my brother can overcome all that- what in the world am I doing! Well ODAAT, that is all I can do right now… For today I will not gamble and I will not obsess over my losses as hard as that is for me to do!!

    • #25080
      vera
      Participant

      Good to see you are beginning to look at the sinister side of gambling and addiction in general, Jo. It sure is scary! I have a story I can’t post here, but I can tell you it doesn’t get much worse than what happened to one family who are still haunted by gambling….
      Anyway, as Janey commented on another thread (in response to my “tongue in cheek” post to another GT user) it is all about Personal Accountability. We, of course will empathize and sometimes even identify with other CGs but in my experience we need to stand back. CGs (me, for one) love chaos. The more tall stories I heard about other CGs, the more I would think ” I’m not as bad as that!” or even, maybe, “Am I REALLY a CG at all?”….The mind plays tricks on us. Whereas we do need to see the widespread effects of gambling , we should not allow it to prevent us from focusing on “THIS CG-ME!”
      You will read lots of success stories here Jo. Focus on the positive. Not the negative.
      Just for today……keep it simple!

    • #25081
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Not for me, the more stories I read, the more I think what a terrible shame this whole illness is, and I always think of myself as a horrible CG-and my mind reminds me I am an addict!!! I do agree though, what is it that makes us want to read about others who are CG’s and the things they are going through! Are we trying to relate to someone, or in my case sometimes I read other people’s stories to scare myself into realizing just how serious and awful this addiction is!! And it’s funny how emotions can go from good to bad in a day! Right now, just an hour or so after I posted my upbeat post for the morning, work is bothering and stressing me and I felt an urge to gamble… Escape is part of my issue for sure! I could sit for hours, days probably in front of machine after machine and zone out and think of nothing!! Forget all the responsibilities and harshness of the world and I would also forget to eat ect… That is what I think I could do, so that is very scary as the longest I have gambled at one time is like 9 hours at once, and I never eat. Oh I did the free buffet a time or 2, but I was in a hurry to get back to it-and so usually just grab a coke or something and zone back out! I mean even as I’m writing this I feel the urge to zone out.. I used to be able to handle life so well, and in crisis situations, you can be assured I will be the one to be there for everyone, the strong one- in fact everyday people see me as that. Nobody would guess I have this lurking huge problem. Well anyway, maybe for today I will take it one hour at a time, one minute at a time! I sure am struggling here lately to keep the demons at bay!! Great to hear from you Vera! I hope today is a victory for you!!

    • #25082
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Not for me, the more stories I read, the more I think what a terrible shame this whole illness is, and I always think of myself as a horrible CG-and my mind reminds me I am an addict!!! I do agree though, what is it that makes us want to read about others who are CG’s and the things they are going through! Are we trying to relate to someone, or in my case sometimes I read other people’s stories to scare myself into realizing just how serious and awful this addiction is!! And it’s funny how emotions can go from good to bad in a day! Right now, just an hour or so after I posted my upbeat post for the morning, work is bothering and stressing me and I felt an urge to gamble… Escape is part of my issue for sure! I could sit for hours, days probably in front of machine after machine and zone out and think of nothing!! Forget all the responsibilities and harshness of the world and I would also forget to eat ect… That is what I think I could do, so that is very scary as the longest I have gambled at one time is like 9 hours at once, and I never eat. Oh I did the free buffet a time or 2, but I was in a hurry to get back to it-and so usually just grab a coke or something and zone back out! I mean even as I’m writing this I feel the urge to zone out.. I used to be able to handle life so well, and in crisis situations, you can be assured I will be the one to be there for everyone, the strong one- in fact everyday people see me as that. Nobody would guess I have this lurking huge problem. Well anyway, maybe for today I will take it one hour at a time, one minute at a time! I sure am struggling here lately to keep the demons at bay!! Great to hear from you Vera! I hope today is a victory for you!!

    • #25083
      vera
      Participant

      My ” victory” today , Jo was to “drag” myself out for a two hour walk that would have taken me less than an hour in the time before gambling took over my life and reduced me to a fat slob, who has aged before her time! I will miss Charles group this evening. I recommend that you join in there. Charles will straighten you out!!!!
      I must compliment you on looking after your brother in his time of need. What a wonderful success story you have there! Why not share your problem with him? I hear you about his new “addiction”. Its more of a hobby I think. It is constructive. Addiction is destructive. Hobbies can become obsessions though! My husband is praying I will develop a new obsession….ironing…lol!

    • #25084
      peacegirl
      Participant

      What time is the group that Charles will be in? I used to tell my brother a little of the gambling thing when he lived with us, but now well I don’t want to mess him up in any way! He has come so far!! I used to walk every single night with my dog for 7 years. Then last year when my dad had his heart attack, and then the next month my older brother was killed in a truck accident, and left behind his wife- my sister in law who had terminal leukemia- well I spent 9 months caring for all 3 of those issues and totally lost the walking each day!! These are issues I still deal with too right now, loosing my brother last year and my sis-in-law in Feb… I was her care giver for 8 months, was able to kind of keep gambling at bay most of last year due to all the tradgidy… But now being alone so much while hubby works, my brother gone, my sis gone too and the pain of that sometimes is unbearable! For 8 months I took my sis-in-law everywhere she wanted to go, beach, mountains, visiting, eating anywhere… Ironically she saw a billboard for the casino and a singing group that was coming and she wanted to go. So I actually took her, not to group but to gamble…I wasn’t into it much then, too much going on.. I felt awful having her there- in my place where I had issues and her smiling and playing $5 for the whole day and me thinking of the massive money I wasted there and the larger machines I play, so we didn’t go there more- THANK goodness!! I cared for her until she passed away right beside our room the morning of Feb.10th.. She was in a coma at the end, hospice was so wonderful- her nurse was and still is our friend forever! But the pain of loosing them, it really is hard!! I will say it contributes to my problem, it is NOT the problem- I was a CG long before all that!! I remember maybe 6 years ago or so, I went to gamble with a friend and I won $60, but I kept playing. That person told me way back then, You have a problem… Of course I didn’t think I did!! Now I know better, no longer do I play $60, that is like a penny compared to how it escalated to amounts too sickening to think of! Anyway, I’m rambling.. Just so many thoughts all the time, and finally a place to express them!!! Hugs to you Vera

    • #25085
      vera
      Participant

      Loss and loneliness would seem to be common factors with the female CGs I have met, Jo. You have been very involved with caring for loved ones and now there is a huge void. Have you had bereavement counselling? I’m sure you are familiar with the stages of grief. Escaping is easier than facing emotions. I escaped for too long in the slot machines. I remember coming out of a sort of trance once, realizing I was in an allnight casino and had gambled for 26 hours! It was one pm and I had started at 11 am the previous day! How SICK is that?
      Charles’ group is at 7pm (19:00hrs) It is almost 6pm here now (18:00hrs) so you can calculate from that. I think you might be about 6 hours behind us. My daughter is in Sydney. They are 9 hours ahead. I’m hopeless at calculating time differences! I get mixed up!
      A friend invited me to meet for a bite to eat and a chat at 7pm. I’m trying to do “normal” things!
      Nothing replaces the buzz gambling gives, but no other night out will cost you a grand (and that’s on the nights we get off lightly!!!)

    • #25086
      peacegirl
      Participant

      You enjoy your night Vera!! You are so right, everything else we do that is “normal” will cost us so much less!! I will talk to my therapist when I go about adding some grief counseling in there too! Thanks for the advise on that:) Catch up with you very soon!!

    • #25087
      charles
      Moderator

      Vera was right my group started at 7pm UK time. I am also in another group now and yet another one follows this so I am here for the next, nearly, 2 hours. Hopefully see you soon.

    • #25088
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi Again!

      I just read your comments regarding your brothers new “addiction” with his action figures.

      You are right we all do need to find heathier options to fill our time with. It is also preferable to gradually find a variety of things to do so that we do not become overly focussed on any one thing.

      The main reasons for that are that firstly we have all shown our addictive tendencies with gambling and even seemingly healthy options can become a problem if done to excess or the exclusion of other things.

      Also because it’s best not to have “all our eggs in one basket”. I had a friend. He stopped gambling and started going to the gym. A healthy option of course but he threw himself into it as compulsively as he did gambling. Six months down the line he’s as fit as a fiddle, not gambling and life is good…. he twists his ankle and is back gambling in a couple of weeks. He didn’t have a “plan B”

      A variety of activities gives us that plan B if things fall through with one of them.

      Keep posting.

    • #25089
      peacegirl
      Participant

      That is something Charles, and thank you!! I will try to make a variety of healthier choices.. I can’t seem to get into the groups at the right times? I will try though again! Thank you for writing, I really liked the story and it made me really think that I have to learn to be well rounded in all areas as I am trying to replace the gambling with new habits:)

    • #25090
      vera
      Participant

      Hope you are still firm in your resolve to stay away from the casino Jo. Itchy feet and hands can wipe out bad memories!
      Stay on your guard.
      Might see you in Charles’ group later today.
      Same time. Same place, but maybe one hour earlier on Fridays. Check it out!

    • #25091
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Yes I am very firm in my resolve, although I realize now I have to guard myself all the time, every moment and just keep pushing forward. I just got home, was away for 2 days helping my husband with work. It was long hours and hot, but at least I was busy- no time to gamble… How ironic is it that I met this really sweet woman who is 66 years old, and just lost her husband last year and after we talked for awhile, she said that he had in the last few years of his life developed a gambling problem. She said even though he’s been gone a year, it still took her until now to really be able to forgive him. He wiped out their savings, which wasn’t alot- but was $3000 and alot to a retired couple, and he had been borrowing from everyone she found out, to play slots! I din’t tell her the extent of my problem of course, but I did tell her I have been around gambling and it’s very easy to fall into it, and that I am so sure her husband is so sorry for it! I hope everyone is having a good weekend, and a has a great mothers day tomorrow. I am not sure if it’s mom’s day over there, but I am so happy I still have my mom! I talk to her everyday for hours on the phone when I can, she lives 1400 miles away, but she visits often. She knows everything about me, and she loves me more then anyone on this earth has, or I know ever will!! She is often my therapy and often who I cry to! She is wise and helpful, never condemning, never-not once!! I just love her so much!! Will write more tomorrow:) One week no gambling!! Will keep going ODAAT…

    • #25092
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Enjoying a day at home with my dogs and my son and husband! I have stressers in my mind because I have a $3000 hospital bill right now, that I sure could pay easier if I wouldn’t have gambled, but I guess that is just one of the many costs of this addictions! For today I will not gamble…

    • #25093
      vera
      Participant

      Well done on reaching the One Week milestone Jo!
      One day at a time.
      I think you were meant to meet that woman! Imagine bringing gambling debt to your grave and beyond! Doesn’t bear thinking about!
      If we hadn’t gambled I’m sure our money worries would not exist but what’s done is done.
      Not adding to the debt is the best we can do.

    • #25094
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I couldn’t have said it better Vera, I think I was meant to meet her! I kept thinking the whole 3 hours drive home about what it would be like if I kept gambling and kept going down the pit of darkness until after I died everyone knew- and they were mad at me, like she is struggling with those feeling towards her husband. I just want to be better, and never look back, but it has crept up on me so many times in the past- I know I have to just keep on guard every day! How are you coming along Vera? I hope you are doing alright and staying away from our greatest temptation!

    • #25095
      vera
      Participant

      I’m doing “OK”thanks, Jo!
      One day at a time.
      May has been a G- free month!

    • #25096
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Way to go on May be gambling free!! I am here for you, just like you have been for me!! We can do this girl, we can!! We have to change for good, so our lives are not remembered for this terrible addiction and instead for the good that is inside us, because I truly believe most addicted gamblers are hurting inside, are really good people who are just a little lost! ODAAT:)

    • #25097
      vera
      Participant

      The sad thing is, Jo, we thought gambling would help relieve our hurts. The truth is, it made every thing 100% worse!
      Thanks for your vote of confidence.
      For a CG, everything can change with the blink of an eye! We need to stay aware, odaat!
      You are lucky to have your mom on your side!

    • #25098
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Today is another bright morning, but I still feel the doom and gloom from the binge gambling I did over a week ago- finacially it is just a nightmare! I am trying to do all I can to recover in that area, but I feel like for the past 5 years I have gotten nowhere finacially, and I know that is true because every time I just keep messing up and then have to dig out and it’s a cycle I hope ends and I don’t repeat again! I know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, so does that mean I am insane, and all of us here that do it over and over are lol.. I don’t think so, but I do think I, we have to break this cycle once and for all… Easier said then done, but I am going to stay as determined as I possibly can. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about gambling, to win a big amount quick- would be nice, but it never happens. No amount is ever big enough, it all goes right back in and then loose even more! Well, hope everyone has a good gamble free day!!

    • #25099
      vera
      Participant

      I hear you Jo, on feeling the doom and gloom of your last binge still. In my case I will feel that grief until my debt is paid. Four more years! Yes it is tempting to try to retrieve some of “our” money, but the truth is, it is not OUR money any more . We threw it away. We will NEVER get it back.
      Are we going to throw “good money after bad” and waste more time ? Then face yet another hangover?
      As Charles said on Sad’s thread, “We can’t have one without the other!”
      Hang in Jo. We are doing fine. Breathe deeply. Live simply! Odaat!

    • #25100
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I feel like gambling today- I’m tired of trying to recover money I lost by doing extra work, or selling extra items ect ect.. BUT I am NOT going to give in, so instead I will have to dig a little deeper and somehow find a way to pick myself up by the boot straps and keep moving on!! You are right Vera, if I would gamble I would loose more money, because even if I win I can’t stop, so that makes no sense anyway! So, game plan for today is to get some extra work done, and do the best I can!! ODAAT and for today I will not gamble…

    • #25101
      icandothis
      Participant

      I am struggling myself, Peacegirl. We can do this. It’s just one day, and we will get through it. As you go through your day, give yourself a pat on the back for every little thing you do. I am going to do the same….even though I am struggling to get even the smallest tasks completed…not even completed…started! Little by little we will begin to see the good things that a gamble-free day brings. Hang in there!

    • #25102
      icandothis
      Participant

      I am struggling myself, Peacegirl. We can do this. It’s just one day, and we will get through it. As you go through your day, give yourself a pat on the back for every little thing you do. I am going to do the same….even though I am struggling to get even the smallest tasks completed…not even completed…started! Little by little we will begin to see the good things that a gamble-free day brings. Hang in there!

    • #25103
      cat438
      Participant

      Peacegirl and Ican sorry that you are having a rough day. The gambling urges and thoughts are bloody awful. The mind games we play saying “just one more time”, but we know it would not be just one more time…. we would walk in a Casino or wherever we gambled, and the high and excitement would be awesome as we started… but how long until we would be chasing our losses. We will never win at gambling and as a compulsive gambler we cant go just one more time. I know I wish I could, but I know it is not an option any more. God knows I have tried it often enough to go just once more.
      I know it is tough when you have just gambled to have all the stuff that goes with it, the hangover, the what ifs, the self loathing, the guilt for the money we lost. We all may be different in age, the car we drive, the house we live in, but when it comes to gambling we are all the same once we place the first bet, in my case the slots. Have Faith in yourself that you can stay away from gambling for today!!!!

    • #25104
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I’m beginning to wonder if I am going through the dreaded womans “change of life.” I feel much more moody then my usual cheery self and some days like today just feel like I can’t quite cope with life.. Other symptoms too, so I guess I am 42- this is not helping me wanting to escape to a place that I can hide! Unfortunately the negative things that come from “escaping” to a casino are so terrible and costly that when I think of gambling these days all I think about is pain and that overshadows the feeling of “fun” that I thought it was, or escape or whatever it is that I was doing while I gamble!! Today is tough, I feel like a roller coaster emotionally, but hopefully tomorrow will be better! So as the day goes on, I just resolve over and over not to go gamble.. Appreicate all the input too:) You all are great!

    • #25105
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Each day reminds me that it’s a new day without gambling. As I ran some errands and drove past the huge billboards for the casinos plastered everywhere, I again renewed my determination to just keep on pushing forward and knowing that deep within my heart I want to stop for good!! But I know now it’s just one day at a time, so for today I will not gamble, and I wish everyone the very best gamble free day! I still believe life is so beautiful out there- I just have to keep on the right path..

    • #25106
      peacegirl
      Participant

      It’s lovely outside, I have health issue so I woke up very dizzy, but am glad I feel much better now. I have 2 dogs and one is acting up when we leave home. She is 8 and the sweetest thing ever, but she doesn’t like the little one I have now, and she gets upset when we leave and they are together. She never has messed with anything in the house, and she is shredding paper, trying to get into room and scratching at the doors on the bottom real bad and even got on the dining table and tore some stuff up. So weird we thought it was the little dog, but our little dog has no nails due to a rare immune condition, and we saw claw marks, so we know it’s my older one. We had the new dog over a year now, don’t understand why she is acting out! I am still trying to move forward each day, trying to make up for losses by working extra hard although I’m sad because I should have money to travel with family this summer, but not sure it’s going to happen! My fault though, I totally have to learn new ways to deal with stress, gambling is never the answer. The strange thing is sometimes I dont feel stress before I head out to gamble, I am not sure what makes me do it, but am trying to search for things on deeper levels that make me do the things I do…So again for today I am not gambling just taking it ODAAT.. All the best to whoever is reading this and has a hard time too! We are not alone..

    • #25107
      vera
      Participant

      come to the group Jo…its on now…

    • #25108
      peacegirl
      Participant

      I see the group highlighted in grey but I can’t get into it for some reason? Can anyone tell me what I am doing wrong. Thanks Vera, would like to be in group if I could get into it:(

    • #25109
      peacegirl
      Participant

      another day coming to a close, worked hard today and am very tired! Didn’t gamble:) ODAAT..

    • #25110
      vera
      Participant

      Well done Jo!
      Referring to a comment you made about not always feeling stress before you gamble…I often wonder would we be better off to FEEL that stress rather than allow it to simmer inside and then release it in unhealthy ways e.g gambling.
      We sure feel the stress in the aftermath of gambling and the long term effects are far from pleasant!

    • #25111
      vera
      Participant

      I would not recommend buying a slot machine Jo!
      You may tire of it quickly or it may serve to keep your addiction alive and lead you back to the real thing!

    • #25112
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Hi Vera, I did respond- don’t know where it went, but I was never going to buy the slot machine, I played free slots online once and it lead to me going to the casino and wasting a pile of REAL money!! I know what all that leads too, thanks for caring:) Today is 2 weeks since my binge- where I realized all must change and I can’t do this anymore EVER, and for that I just have been taking it ODAAT, and today was gamble free, so it was a good day, despite all the ups and downs of life! Hope everyone is well and has a good gamble free weekend!

    • #25113
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi! I don’t know where my posts are from the beginning of coming to GT. It does look like some are missing. I posted on my thread the other day and the next day it wasn’t there. Thanks for posting on my thread. One day at a time.

    • #25114
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Was such a long weekend, worked lots and lots of hours, for low pay lol! Wasn’t feeling great either, and even though it’s been 2 weeks I am still reeling from the mess up binge, and I try to work extra, but the amount I spent on my binge was so unbelievable, so horrible that I just can’t do enough to begin to make up for it! Im tired too, after 2 weeks of doing all I can to make extra, I’m exhausted, mad at myself, and just sick of the whole gambling nightmare that it ever even started. Wish I was a little more positive today, but I guess maybe tomorrow will be better. For now, I’m just again glad I didn’t gamble today…

    • #25115
      peacegirl
      Participant

      The weekend was tough, long and hard- but today is bright and beautiful and I am not gambling today! I think back to 2 weeks ago on this day when I was devastated to the point I couldn’t think straight over my gambling fall binge, and it’s been a really really long 2 weeks but I am at least a little better then I was that day! I’m must going to keep coming here every day and posting, and reading and sharing and taking it ODAAT… What else can we do but move forward!!! Hope everyone has a great gamble free day…

    • #25116
      charles
      Moderator

      Well done on your first two weeks PG.

      Doing a little extra work to help with the finances is a good idea of course but be careful. If two weeks has exhausted you then how long are you planning on working that hard? is it sustaunable? maybe look at any debts etc and be honest with yourself. Maybe take a little longer to pay them off and work at a more sustainable level? Just a thought, hopefully see you in a group again soon.

    • #25117
      peacegirl
      Participant

      For the last 2 weeks I have worked myself to exhaustion- I’m having some physical problems because of it too, but I’m having a hard time even letting myself off the hook even for a moment! I guess I’m afraid to relax or something, because I’m afraid of what I did in the gambling binge and I want to make up for it…However you are right- I am doing way too much, much more then I ever have done. My mom is coming to visit tomorrow and I guess it’s time for me to step back a little and breathe and enjoy her visit. She will be with me for 3 weeks. Thanks for the advice:) I need it!

    • #25118
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Mom is on the plane right now to come visit, so very thankful. We will spend the next 3 weeks talking and doing things we just enjoy together! I know I can share with her all my issues, gambling everything- she always listens and cares so much. She’s my best friend! So, I’m happier today, but still have a long road to go to pick myself up from the pit that I fell into again when I slipped and gambled again! But that will come with time… For today, I thank God that I am not gambling and for all I have..

    • #25119
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Mom is here and things are going alright! I haven’t had any urges to gamble lately but as always I will keep my guard up as I now know that I have to watch it all the time and never take for granted that I am somehow “completely healed” I think it’s a work in progress always, but I am moving forward! Hoping everyone else can keep going forward as well ODAAT- with God’s help too!!!

    • #25120
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Mom and I did our favorite things like bumping around going to yard sales and stores and I cooked dinner last night and tonight.. It’s been 3 weeks since I gambled and I must admit it crept into my mind today. I talked to mom about how it likes to creep back into my mind every time I am just starting to do a little better, and us talking helped. I know I have to just keep moving forward..

    • #25121
      cat438
      Participant

      Peacegirl it is wonderful that your mother is visiting and that you are getting to do enjoy having her with you. WTG on not gambling, and yes it is amazing how just out of the blue we have thoughts of gambling. We have to be aware of the thoughts/urges and not act on them. I would say to you to be on your guard when your Mum leaves to go home as it may be a trigger for you. We really have to take it day by day and that is one thing that I have learned… it is one day at a time!!!

    • #25122
      Kimura
      Participant

      Hi,
      I started gambling also 5 years ago, gambled only for 2 weeks and lost 1000 euros. then I started again last year, when I failed the year at the university, until now. Did not loose much, until last week, when I lost everything I have.

      You should know who are the enemies and who are the friends. Casino people are generally freemasons, enemies of the faith, and destined to hell. Casinos are perdition places. But not only: Gamblers with no real intention to stop could be also lost forever.

      If the chairs in casinos where uncomfortable, and casino people laughing at you, would you go and gamble again? think about it.

      I unfortunaltely fell into the trap and now I recognize it. Gambling is presented legally in a very positive way that I is possible for a lot of people to fall into the trap.

    • #25123
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Today was a good day, mom and I enjoyed lunch and went to the park.. Yes I will try to guard myself when she leaves it is always so hard when she has to go back home. For now just another day that I took it for today only as ODAAT!

    • #25124
      charles
      Moderator

      You are doing well PG. You are addressing your own situaion and also starting to help others on the forum, well done.

      You are taking things oDAAT and taking responsibility for your own addiction.

      Knowledge is important – you know that when your mum goes home it will be hard. USE that knowledge, make sure your barriers are fully in place at that time, have your days planned as well to get past that period and back into your normal routine.

      Keep posting

    • #25125
      peacegirl
      Participant

      Today was a good day, mom and I had fun eating mexican food and shopping at some little fun stores in the country… We talked a few moments about the whole gambling thing again, acknowledging how much it got to me and how it effects others so quickly and without them even realizing it… We both know it seemed fun at first and the times we went together seemed so innocent, but now we both know just how awful it truly is..We are thinking of taking a small trip somewhere for day or 2, maybe to the beach. Also today being memorial day, we talked about my brother who passed away from a truck accident almost a year ago- he served in the military but he never liked it in Germany and always wanted to be at home.. We miss him so much! And today we had a great day together as always! I again told her I am living ODAAT.. So for today I am so thankful I did not gamble! Today was good.

    • #25126
      icandothis
      Participant

      Jo, Thinking of you and hope you are doing well. I think it is great that you and your mom have such a good relationship. Jo, you are in the process of recovering from so much more than gambling. Please give yourself the time and space you need to heal. You have been through so much. Gambling is a way you have chosen to deal with things. It is not THE way, but forgive yourself for choosing it. You have been through Hell and you will find your way back. You are an incredibly strong woman. You deserve peace, girl! You will find it again…be patient.

    • #25127
      vera
      Participant

      Haven’t seen any post from you this month, Jo?
      I’m just wondering how you are getting on since your mother’s visit?
      The memory of your brother’s death and your mam’s departure from your home will leave a void which may leave you vulnerable.
      Even if you have gambled, Jo, don’t wait too long before you come back.
      Every day is a new day!

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