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    • #24181

      Hi, I’ve had a gaming problem for the last few years and now I’ve hit rock bottom. I want to tell my family that I’ve accumulated 40000$ in debt but afraid of being judged. I’m embarassed to come clean cause they bailed me out once before. I’m tired of living this way with all the sneaking around and all the lies. I woke up this morning wanting to change my life and really looking forward to it. Please help with advice on how to tell them. Thank you

    • #24182


      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick tokeeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to beupdated on your progress or share something with you.

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #24183

      Hello C993 and welcome.

      For me it helps to not just present the problem. Tell them what you are going to DO to address the problem as well.

      Show them this site. Maybe tell them which Gamblers Anonymous meeting you are going to attend, maybe one of them could drive you to your first meeting. Take a family member with you as moral support when you exclude from where ever it is you normally gamble. Ask someone to make you accountable for your money so that you can’t gamble and just as importantly they can see you can’t/aren’t gambling.

      See what i mean? It’s an old saying – actions speak louder than words.

      Keep posting and let us know how it goes. Let us know what positive actions you are taking.

    • #24184

      I’m really at peace with myself and haven’t made a wager today. I’m just trying to build the courage to tell my family. I’m afraid of all the questions and the embarassement I’ll have to face but most of all I’m afraid that they will say no to helping me financially. It’s not as they would have to give me their own money but it would be a mortgage. How do I start to tell them? As I mentioned earlier they helped me once before as I had lost money investing. Now it would be another 40000$ on top of that. I think I’m okay without placing another wager as long as I could get out of this mess. I’ve read lots of other stories on this forum and I know I’m not alone. Just not sure if they will understand what I’ve been going through.

    • #24185

      Hi C933,
      I understand exactly what you’re going through because I ran these scenarios in my head for many months before I decided to make things right and come clean with the people who mattered most to me. I believed I would neither receive or deserve help after embezzling, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Hurting and disappointing the people I most admired was one of the most painful experience in my life.

      I accepted the fact that I couldn’t control what anyone would feel, say or do. Being the pragmatist that I am, I also prepared for the worst-case scenario. I was completely willing to pay for my mistakes. But by trying to fix it on my own, I’d become my own worst enemy.

      You asked for advice about telling your family and I only have the following to say: Don’t wait too long. You’ve made a good start here, with people who know exactly how frightening it is to admit to letting yourself down and letting others down. You’ve hit rock bottom and you are ready to make things right. In order to do that, you have to clear the path by speaking about your problem as honestly as you can to the best of your knowledge and understanding. It’ll be alright, just tell them what happened. Start with the person(s) you trust most in your family. Who do you think you could tell first? Start with them when you feel you are ready.

      Good people make mistakes, C, just try to find it in yourself to accept you are human and need help.

      Feel free to let us know your thoughts and concerns. We’re here to listen.

      All the Best,

    • #24186

      Almost build the courage today to tell my sister. I was so close to getting it off my chest and was really looking forward to it. I must say though it’s been a while I haven’t placed a bet and it feels great. Don’t have that stress of winning or losing. Once I tell my sister I’m sure that I’ll have a big load of my shoulders. Sorry if I keep rambling on this forum but it’s helping me alot. There’s not many people who understand.

    • #24187

      Great job on your recovery by not gambling today!

      Don’t be sorry – posting your thoughts and feelings as many times as you need to is exactly what this space is for – a safe place for you to get anything you feel off your chest and whatever you think off your mind.

      This is a very difficult time for you, and you are right, not many people will understand unless they have been through or touched by this terrible addiction. But if we keep the addiction hidden and stay quiet, then it continues to have power over us and our choices. Fear also keeps us from the truth and getting support. I know it’s also difficult to imagine now, but most people will want to help you and understand what you are going through once you tell them what’s happened. I’m sure your family loves you. There will be help when you are ready. You are brave enough and strong enough to do it.

    • #24188

      So I built the courage to tell my sister and she was not very understanding having helped me once before. She doesnt want to tell her husband because he helped me before. Don’t know what to do now. Was hoping for financial help so that I can concentrate on recovery but I’m left feeling helpless.

    • #24189

      Hi again C993,

      It sounds like it’s time to take control of things yourself then. Much better for your recovery than a bail out anyway.

      If you are unable to come to arrangements with your creditors yourself there is lots of help available these days. Lots of options from some sort of repayment plan right through to bankruptcy, with of course lots in between.

      If you can connect to the helpline when it is open then one of my colleagues will be able to give you links to places where you can get advice as to the best option for you, free advice. Alternatively click on the Resources Link at the top of this page and take a look yourself.

      Of course though whatever arrangements you make regarding the finances won’t be of any long term benefit unless you find a way to stop gambling.

      When you did speak to your sister what did you tell her you were going to do differently this time? Did you check out where your local GA meetign was or any of the other options I suggested in my previous post?

    • #24190

      I did tell her that I was done with that lifestyle. I didn’t ask her for the money but wan’t to get it through the bank with her help. She did lecture me but she didn’t tell me things I didn’t alread know. Just that if you haven’t been through it you really don’t undersand what the other person is going through. I didn’t check for local GA meetings but I did make an appointment with a psychotherapist.

    • #24191

      Hi C993

      Firstly well done on finding the courage to talk to your sister, I and I imagine most on this site have asked for help financially to bail us out of trouble. Unfortunately there comes a time that they simply won’t help, and really who can blame them after all they have heard it all before, what they need is to see is you making things right, they need to see commitment; words become meaningless. In the long run and you may not see this yet, being bailed out financially just prolongs your ability to gamble, it really can stop you seeing the true consequences of your actions… If you truly want recovery, ytour have to find your own way out of your financial issue. The second someone help your addiction will jump in and start to think… Hmmm maybe I can gamble this and double it or hey if I lose they will help me again and the cycle continues

      Seeing a Psychotherapist is a fantastic choice and one that can really help, I’d just like to add my view on why GA as an addition may help.

      A Psychotherapist is one person with ideas that will help you see a way forward… but its still one opinion

      Gamblers Anonymous is a group of Compulsive Gamblers who attend meetings with one purpose, to suppress their own addiction, to help keep the addiction suppressed and to help those seeking help.

      In essence your get a broader range of ideas, support, knowledge in the safe surrounding of others whom understand just how you feel. A Psychotherapist & GA, with support from us via the forums, groups and helpline is a fantastic combination

      Take Care


    • #24192

      I too am a Compulsive gambler and, like Harry says, I too was bailed out many times by my family. It never really helped me. In fact i would go so far as to say that if i was still getting bailed out I would still be gambling.

      Well done on contacting that psychotherapist.

      As Harry says there comes a time when words don’t mean much to those around us, they ahve heard it all before. How about asking your sister to go with you as moral support when you go and get excluded from the casino or where ever it is you gamble?
      Maybe she could also help by making you accountable for what money you do have? That would help in two ways – make it harder for you to gamble if you do get an urge and also reassure her that you aren’t.

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