17 October 2014 at 9:11 pm #7665andyk5000Participant
Hi everyone, first post on here, my name is Andy and I have finally admitted to myself and my wife that I have a serious gambling addiction.
Admitting I had a serious problem was hard, sorting out my finances will be harder, but what I cannot deal with is the guilt.
I am very lucky to have a wonderful wife, who has just had a terrible shock but is prepared to try and help me, but somehow that almost seems worse.
does anyone else feel that they don’t deserve love anymore?
I can’t forgive myself for the deceit, particularly as she was so trusting of me and I abused that trust.
she is away for 2 weeks and I am worried about the thoughts I have been having, only momentary impulses but still not good, and keep missing meals, telling myself that it’s fine because I should be paying a price.
I am not asking for sympathy, I would welcome any advice anyone has on how to deal with the lack of self respect, guilt, remorse etc etc that follows the realisation of exactly I have done to someone who deserved a better deal in life than this…17 October 2014 at 9:56 pm #7666veraParticipant
Guilt and remorse are very common Andy. Feeling we deserve nothing for the damage we have caused by our selfishness is another CG trait. (I still feel I am not entitled to things from time to time.)
Remember Andy, that its going to take time to heal. Time to restore trust. Time to forgive yourself.
The great thing is that you took that first step and told your wife. Admitting you have a problem is a huge move. You need to be gentle with yourself now . It s early days, but I can guarantee you that things WILL improve, (READ MICKY’s POST ON THE JOURNAL THREAD).
Keep talking and posting.
As CGs we have punished ourselves enough . Gambling is very destructive. When you begin to restore your relationships and your finances you will begin to feel better.
One day at a time!
Good “luck” in recovery!20 October 2014 at 9:24 am #7667DuncKeymaster
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties youre currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if youre new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. Were in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like youre not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
Im going to hand you over to our community because Im sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team20 October 2014 at 9:00 pm #7668charlesModerator
Hi Andy and welcome.
You are not alone with this problem as you can see. I think many of us were feeling fairly worthless by the time we come here or arrive at our first GA meeting. Who would love me when i hated myself? No one thing is going to make things better.
Going to GA meetings helped me. the Serenity prayer helped me deal with the past, ironic really for an athiest/agnostic! The past is one of the things we have to accept we can not change.
In the early days i found that doing small, achievable positive things helped, I hadn’t achieved anything very positive in a long time. Making amends where I could as well.
Mayybe start a thread in the My Journal Forum, keep a track of all your positive achievements. It sounds like you have stopped gambling at the moment? What has helped you do this? What will make it harder for you to go back to it? I look forward to reading the positive steps you are taking.31 October 2014 at 6:20 pm #7669andyk5000Participant
I cannot see any light at the moment.All I can see is darkness and it is scaring me.I cannot stop thoughts about ending my life, I am not about to carry them out but it is frightening me how much the idea that it would be better for my wife if I vanished, then she could find someone she deserved.seeing her day by day realise the extent of my deception is tearing my heart apart, I just cannot take it .its not getting better its getting worse.what help can she get to enable her to understand that the deception was not the same as cheating, although it might feel the same at the moment?
please, some help for her is needed, any ideas?
andy5 November 2014 at 3:20 pm #7670janey1Participant
I’d really like for you to talk to others in “real time”, I can hear how distressed you are and I think being in a group of your peers and feeling their acceptance and understanding of you could help you to feel a little less lost. Of course you’ll get excellent advice there too. The group times can be found here: https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/online-support-groups-problem-gamblers-their-friends-and-family
If you feel more comfortable, come and talk to one of our counsellors/online advisors on our helpline. https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/problem-gambling-support-helpline
I hope we get to talk soon.
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