Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family How to realize they choose gambling over family?

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  • #3470
    GiC0512
    Participant

    I have been with my husband since we were 16. He started gambling at 18, but as he proceeded through his twenties it has become destructive. I love my husband, who he is as a person when his impulse to gamble doesn’t consume him, he is my best friend. We have separated on and off through our twenties. I decided last year to file for divorce since he wouldn’t seem to settle and wanted to stay with other females to use them to feed his habits. I received a job offer in the bay area as well. So I had the intent to divorce, move, and start fresh with our girls. He made his attempts to fix the situation and eventually he came to live with us. Since then, my finances are again a mess, and I can’t seem to get him to stick to any promises. He has spent nearly all of the money he has earned this month from his income on bets and gambling. All except what money he deposited in my account to protect from himself this last Friday. Usually he will get paid Friday, by Friday eve his check will be gone after he visits the nearby casino. He told me at any cost don’t let him have the money or go to the casino. I did just that, all day yesterday, he ignored me as punishment. Today he blew up on me and it became physical. I find myself asking, is his family really more important to him? What price am I willing to pay to keep him in this family but save our finances? I had money saved for this move, it is now gone. He says he will pay certain bills, but he doesn’t so I am scrambling to find the money to cover things. As much damage as he causes, he of course finds his way to blame me, where we live, the situation, it is anything but him. He is about to lose his family again, I don’t want to give up, but with three young children to raise and support I find myself needing to protect their futures. I feel like I am leaving my best friend out to drown if I send him away. Leaving him to be consumed by gambling for the rest of his life. But if he isn’t willing to change, it leaves us all at the mercy of his choices. I will spend my life with the highs when it is my husband, and the lows of his voices controlling his life. When he doesn’t get his way he is so cruel. I feel lost and alone. He doesn’t see the pain he is causing. He doesn’t see that I care anymore. I feel like gambling has won, and our family has lost and will lose him for good.

     

    Moved to Friends and Family By Harry 31/07/14 20:04

    #3471
    Dunc
    Keymaster

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    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #3472
    Dunc
    Keymaster

    Moved from the F&F Topic Forum

    #3473
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Gico
    It would appear from your post that your husband is not admitting he has an addiction which would be the first step towards him changing his life. If he has never been to GA, it might be a good idea to have a look at gamblersanonymous.org//20questions click on ‘Enter’ and then ‘20 questions’. Perhaps you could print them off and leave them for him to look at. It might help him to realise that he has a recognisable addiction but that there is help available for him. As your husband is obviously angry with the world perhaps it would be better to leave them where he can see them rather than giving them to him.
    It is a sad fact that the addiction to gamble does consume and unless it is treated it gets worse, not better.
    I cannot tell you what to do and I will never tell you to go or to stay because that will always be your choice but you are right that unless your husband does change his life then his addiction will continue to damage your relationship.
    I am concerned that you write that your husband has been violent when you have refused to enable him and I would urge you to consider protection for yourself. Do you have a Gamanon in your area? It is the sister group to GA (gamblers anonymous) and it is for those who love CGs (compulsive gamblers)
    Refusing to enable is not the same as leaving a friend to drown because enablement feeds the addiction and keeps it growing. Knowledge of your husband’s addiction will give you power and help you cope so please post again and possibly join one of our Friends and Family groups – It would be great to communicate in real time.
    I do know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled but the CG has to recognise and accept the addiction first.
    Well done starting your thread
    Speak soon
    Velvet

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