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  • #75417
    kimber1
    Participant

    My husband of 20 years has always gambled off and on. Most recently it has become a financial issue. He has more than once taken out loans to pay for his gambling, asked some friends and family to borrow money. Has used Bill money to use for his gambling at the casino. I keep forgiving him and tell him to get help. He does suffer from adhd and bipolar. He tells me he knows he has a problem has talked to his therapist and was put on a new medication but he is still gambling.
    I had bought him a journal and a workbook for gambling. He was doing good for a month but went back to the casino recently. He even had himself banned from the casino but was still able to go in there recently. I don’t know what else to do. I tried to get him to go to meeting. He keeps saying I need to go with him. I feel like this is something he needs to do on his own but am willing to go. Asked him to download the GT app but he still hasn’t. I have said if he keeps doing it I am going to ask for a divorce but I have not left him yet. I received a bonus recently from my job and he used it all in the casino right before Christmas

    #75419
    Dunc
    Keymaster

    Hello
    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
    We look forward to hearing all about you!
    Take care
    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #75468
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Kimber

    Well done writing what must have been a difficult post.

    A gambling problem builds gradually, often exacerbated by other problems and often disguised because of those other problems. I am not surprised that you were unaware of how serious your husband’s gambling was becoming, adhd and bipolar must be very distracting.

    You are right that forgiving him doesn’t help but neither does chastising or threating him. Unless you know that you are really prepared to carry out a threat, then back-tracking when you know you either cannot, or no longer want to carry out the threat, will be a green light to his gambling. Idle threats suggest that there might be no consequences.

    You are right when you say he should seek out his own support and in an ideal situation I would agree but maybe going with him to a first, or second, meeting would be give him the push he needs. My local GA did not encourage wives coming with their gambler husbands but it may not be true of them all.

    I cannot tell you what to do, all decisions must be yours but in your shoes, I would ask him to download the GT app with me helping and/or find out when the meeting is and get him and yourself prepared to go together. Maybe you could go with him to the casino where he has self-banned and demand to know why they failed him. Divorce is final and it is important that you know what you really want.

    Helping a gambling addict by holding his hand when he is trying to do the right thing, handling his finances, while protecting your own, is not treating him as a child. Your husband has said that he knows he has a problem – offering physical support may, therefore, be a way of you letting him know that you are with him in his battle.

    Facing an addiction is lonely and scary, your husband is possibly using it as a prop to help him survive his other problems without realising that a gambling addiction is not his friend but is a destructive and corrosive enemy.

    Please post again and let me know how you are. Ask any questions and don’t be afraid to say exactly what you feel – you are understood here.

    Velvet

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by velvet.
    #76583
    krinton
    Participant

    I had a similar problem as you, only I couldn’t stop playing at the casino myself. Almost all the money that I earned on a regular job I lost in the casino

    #76609
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Krinton

    I am sorry that I do not understand whether you are contributing to the Friends and Family forum because you want support with your own gambling problem or the problem of your loved one. Either way, I cannot support you fully, as you deserve, on someone else’s thread.

    If it is concern for your loved one that has brought you here, then please start another thread by scrolling to the bottom of the forum page, click on ‘create new topic in Friend and Family’, give yourself a topic title, write your post in the box and scroll down to click on ‘submit’.

    If you are seeking support for yourself then please start a thread in ‘My Journal’ so that you can receive the support that you deserve.

    If you need any more help with the forums please call our Helpline who will be happy to support you.

    Velvet

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