Husband in treatment!

[Maria78]

Hi, Not sure I’m writing in the right place but I’m just after a bit of advice really. My Husband left for treatment center this morning I’m so proud that he has gone I’m just sat here in a daze it’s strange he is not here he has only been a few hours but I’m OK I’m just not sure what to expect and what can I do to learn to support him when his treatment is over any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

[Dunc]

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Hello

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Maria
I hope you will soon agree that you could not be in a better place than on this forum where you are understood.
I would imagine you are feeling dazed – the days before a CG (compulsive gambler) leaves for treatment are often pretty fraught. However I can assure you that your husband has done the right thing seeking treatment.
You haven’t said if your husband is on the Gordon Moody Association programme which I know well but wherever he is, he will be settling in tonight and taking stock of the other residents and beginning to find his way around. The main thing is that he is safe and in the best possible place.
It would be a pleasure to support you as to what to do when your husband’s treatment is over. – My CG went through the GMA programme and is now living a wonderful gamble-free life so I know it can be done.
I understand what you are feeling tonight and I hope that you will pop in to the F&F group tomorrow 20.00-21.00 hours UK time when we can communicate in real time and I can hopefully put your mind at ease.
Sleep well tonight – your husband has taken a big step, with determination he can change his life and with you behind him he will have the best support because you want to learn.
You don’t have to give information unless you want to do so, so my questions are not ones you have to answer but the group situation it is private and nothing said in the group appears on the forum. You and your husband are anonymous and will remain so.
You are of course welcome to use our Helpline which is one-to-one and private.
I hope some of this helps but please post again and ask any questions you may have.
Speak soon
Well done posting
Velvet

[Maria78]

Thank you I really appreciate the welcome and support.

[Maria78]

Hi velvet,
Thank you for your message I really do appreciate it. My husband is in a GMA treatment center. It is nice to know that even though I feel alone I know I’m not it is strange him not being here but tonight will probably be the worst and I know the time apart will fly by and he is gone for a very good reason and I’m glad he is around people that understand the problem of CG and can help him to get that gamble free life I know he wants. I will come on to the F&F group tomorrow night I look forward to talking to others who know what I’m going thru.

Speak soon
Maria
P.S I do apologize for my grammar and spelling it’s not the best.

[velvet]

Hi Maria
I’m sorry you got cut off – I’m afraid there is no return to a group in the final 5 or 10 minutes and I have no control over that.
I hope you felt happier for being in the group.
Keep posting – you are doing splendidly. I hope you can tell me some things you have done to please yourself when next we speak. It might not seem to best advice towards getting stronger but I promise you – it does work.
Goodnight
Velvet

[Maria78]

So sorry about keep getting cut off in the F and F group internet not the best answer to your last question was my husband is 42 I’m 37. I would like to say the group really helped me and you gave me a lot to think about and made me realize a few things I will try to log onto the group every week.
Thanks for the support
Maria

[velvet]

Hi Maria
I just wondered how you were doing. The weekends always seem long I know, I hope you have plans in place to make this one go a little quicker
speak soon
velvet

[Maria78]

Hi Velvet,
I’m OK thanks yesterday morning was bad I suffer from OCD and the reality of not have reassurance from my husband hit me and I got in a state but I got myself to the doctor and he was very understanding and has referred me to get proper therapy he said I need to use this time to get myself better, then out of blue my husband rung he could only speak for a couple of minutes cos he forgot his pin number for his card so they let him call supervised but hearing his voice made me feel better it’s strange really that in the moment I needed to hear his voice the phone rung so today I feel better I’ve been quite busy today so that helps I haven’t got any plans this weekend I will probably relax and pamper myself a bit with bath face mask etc.
Hope you have a nice weekend
Speak soon Maria.

[Maria78]

Well it’s been 1 week since my husband has been in GMA therapy right now I don’t know how to explain how I feel it’s strange I’m not one of these women who cry everyday yeah I have had a cry and It actually made me feel better but I think it’s because I know he is somewhere safe doing something positive that I’m not worrying all the time if anything the only thing I am worrying about is what happens will someone call me to talk about what I should be doing and after next week how often can I talk to him can he call me do I have to call him I am definitely one of these people that have to know what’s happening it doesn’t help having OCD but I’m doing my best to be patient and keep myself busy and just stay positive.

[velvet]

Hi Maria
I understand you wanting to know what is going on.
Gordon House is there for the residents and they do a fantastic job, however, they cannot deal with the loved ones as well. To give their best they have to focus on the CG without any conflict of interest. ‘You’ may know that you will not be a confliction but those working with your husband do not know, so the line is drawn – everybody is treated the same and most importantly – it works.
I don’t know how often, or when your husband will call but whatever happens please believe me the work is going on and your husband is getting the support he needs.
I didn’t hear from my CG for 6 months but during that time he went through many different phases and it would not have helped me or him if I had heard about them – it was ‘his’ recovery not mine. During that time I would call once a week and usually I was told that he had been seen that morning and was looking well. I appreciate that you are frustrated and that having OCD doesn’t help but your problems cannot be allowed to concern those helping your husband – the programme will progress at whatever speed is right for your husband. The outcome is all that matters.
Your husband will be with CGs who are at different stages of recovery and they will support him because they all want a gamble-free life, he will be having counselling and experiencing many opportunities to off-load worries that may never have surfaced before. It is a unique experience and requires a lot of work and soul-searching on the part of the CG – distraction therefore might not always be good or wanted.
I’m sorry if this isn’t what you are hoping for – I can only reiterate that the wait is worthwhile and that amazing recoveries are experienced ‘because’ of the nature of the programme.
Keeping busy is important, doing things that please you is very important, trying new ideas and interests is extra important.
Maybe you could contact the Helpline between 9 and 17.00 hours UK time. It is often manned by a CG who has done the GMA programme and who would willingly support you.
I hope perhaps to ‘talk’ to you this evening and maybe give you greater peace of mind. Maybe you have other questions – I will gladly answer you.
Velvet

[Maria78]

Hi ya,
I totally understand what your saying I’m not one of these people that takes things to heart and emotional if it’s not what I want hear but sometimes I need to be told straight in fact it’s actually better for me having OCD for people just to be honest with me. In a couple of weeks I will probably not be as worried plus with my husband gone it has made me do something about my OCD I have gone to the doctor and he has referred me to get CBT therapy so hopefully by the time my husband has comes home I will be getting therapy myself.

[velvet]

Hi Maria
When we last ‘spoke’ you had lots of thoughts and plans and I am wondering how you are progressing.
Your husband has been in treatment for nearly 4 weeks and I hope you are now getting to be less worried.
Hope to hear soon
Velvet

[Maria78]

Hi Velvet

I’m doing OK sorry I haven’t been on the group chat last week I wasn’t feeling too well and last night I tried to get on but my broadband was playing up so slow It was doing my head in so I gave up. I’ve tried to keep myself busy and surprising enough it’s going quicker my husband is allowed to call me now which hearing his voice on a regular basis has actually taken a lot of the worry away he is finding it hard but he is taking each day as it comes and is trying to stay strong and positive. As for me well I try not to think about it too much and I’m trying not to think to far ahead and take each day as it comes. I have an assessment next month for CBT therapy for my OCD but until then I’m just trying to not worry about it or it makes it worse. In the next couple of weeks I’m going to start decorating our bedroom so that will definitely keep me busy we been meaning to do it for a while now I’ve had ideas and I have to do it on a low budget but that’s OK because it keeps me more busy looking for the deals and bargains. Hopefully I will be able to get on group chat next week.
Thanks for asking how am doing I really appreciate the kindness and support.
Maria.

[velvet]

Hi Maria
I can think of nothing better than decorating as a way of keeping busy. To produce a new look, a room untouched by unhappy memories is a morale booster and on top of all that you have the knowledge and satisfaction that ‘you’ did it.
I have missed you and I am so pleased that you are feeling more positive because of hearing your husband’s voice. It is good, in my opinion that he is finding it hard – if it was too easy I would be wondering how and why!
Great positive post, well done.
V

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