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  • #4657
    retailmagpie
    Participant

    I am a stay at home mother of two boys. A 2 yr old and a 2 month old. Yesterday my husband came home after drinks with friends that resulted in a trip to the casino … He lost his entire months wages. The only money we have to survive on. To pay our rent with. Feed our babies. Pay bills. Everything.

    Need advice on how to convey this is unacceptable behaviour without ‘shouting’ at him and driving him to do it again! Feeling pretty helpless.

    S x

    #4658
    Dunc
    Keymaster

    <

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #4659
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Retail Magpie
    Well done starting your thread.
    You don’t say if this is the first time that your husband has indulged in such unacceptable behaviour so I am not entirely sure how to support you best.
    Assuming this is the first time I suggest you ask him to look at this site or contact our helpline which is anonymous, one-to-one, private and judgement-free. Compulsive gambling starts with a simple gamble which is an activity enjoyed by thousands of people every day with no ill-effects; it’s just a night out with friends, a bit of harmless entertainment. Unfortunately for some, addiction is the consequence of this activity. If a compulsive gambler knew that addiction was going to be the result of a trip to a casino they would never go in the first place. It bring misery to those who own the addiction, misery to those around them; loss of friends, family, home and happiness.
    If this is the first time your husband has behaved like this he might be able to explain to you how he felt when he gambled. If he felt he couldn’t walk away or didn’t want to walk away then the warning signs are there for him.
    Nobody asks for or wants an addiction to gamble but to stop it becoming insurmountable it is important to accept that there is a problem and get support. In my opinion it is important that you don’t lose your cool when you talk to your husband, if he has a problem he will probably be frightened and ashamed – listening to him will help him and help you to understand what is going on.
    It is important that he understands that gambling to win back the money he has lost is the worst thing he can do. Our helpline would be pleased to explain this to him and to answer any other worries he may have.
    The support is here and I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled.
    I will leave this first post to you here and await your reply
    You are being heard and understood
    Velvet

    #4660
    BlueJaffa
    Participant

    Hi,
    I know exactly how you feel. My partner does not accept his problem. He has borrowed money from my family who do not know about his problem. He is unaware that I know about the money my family gave him. I cant ask my family as my dad will not accept that.
    He is starting a new job next week but how long that will last I dont know!
    I cant ask him about the issue as he shuts me out when I broach the subject.
    All i can do right now is wait it out, be as supportive as possible so that he feels comfortable to come to me when the time is right.
    I am very lucky as I have always kept my finances separate to him so I am not financially at a loss.
    Its really difficult to watch him throw everything away and to see how much he is struggling. He also has a daughter from a previous relationship and he is coming very close to losing her. The mother of the child has informed me that he wouldnt see his child if I was not around….not that he would do anything but she does not want the child seeing her father being so bothered and distant as it has really bad effects on her.
    He went for help before but unfortunately was not at rock bottom and was not willing to change…..i hope that he loses everything very soon. I know that sounds awful but it would be the best thing for him in the long term if he lost everything and hit rock bottom to go to a treatment center.

    If you need anything please dont hesitate to message me as I know exactly what you are going through and the difficulty of trying to be there for him but also protect our family….its never easy:(

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