2 February 2021 at 1:31 pm #75621BabsieParticipant
Hi everyone, I found out my husband was a compulsive gambler over 5 years ago when he hit rock bottom. We have now been married for over 2 years and are expecting our first child.
He has been going to counselling for his gambling for 5 years, it started off weekly, then bi-weekly and within the last year his counsellor suggested he only needed to go once a month. This is the only professional support that he gets, he tried GA meetings but felt they were not for him. Unfortunately with Covid 19, it made it harder for him to attend his monthly sessions. Just for context, we had worked hard to rebuild trust (which took time) and I have control over our finances. He is very aware that he has a problem but my belief is that he got complacent.
Anyway, he admitted to me last week that he had relapsed (it had been going on 6 weeks). One of his colleagues at work saw a betting account on his computer and confronted him. He admitted he had relapsed and came home and told me that evening. The really unusual part of this relapse is that he had not got any debt yet and is actually up 4k! Feel very strange about this. I should mention at this stage, he was given cash in hand from a customer as a Christmas giftn. This is what triggered his relapse as well as boredom (we figured this out together after he admitted the relapse) he is not playing sport because of Covid 19 restrictions and he was on Christmas break from a part time college degree. We are also in lockdown since January.
I know relapses and slips are part of recovery but I was so hurt that he couldn’t tell me, we talk (well I ask him) where his head is at with gambling a couple of times a week. We have realised there is a communication issue on his side, he finds it very hard to tell me how hw is truely feeling when things are going really well with us which they are nearly 90% of the time. He doesn’t want to ruin things/the mood by telling me he had a thought about gambling etc.
He has sought help with a new addiction counsellor and will be attending weekly sessions online from tomorrow.
I guess I wanted to write this because like many other family and friends with a compulsive gambler I forget to get support for myself. He knows trust has been broken again and I have told him that while I support him, it is his recovery. I also have to look after myself and our unborn baby.
I rarely find topics that discuss the success stories and by that I mean when the compulsive gambler is very aware of their addiction and wants to continue to fight it.
For now, we are resetting again and I believe we will get there one step at a time. He is an amazing, supportive, kind man and I hope he will find out this time that he does not have to struggle on his own.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading!
2 February 2021 at 1:32 pm #75623DuncKeymaster
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team
2 February 2021 at 6:04 pm #75627velvetModerator
Success stories are what gives everybody hope so maybe I can give you that hope.
The Friends and Family forum is a steppingstone; members use it to take them to a better place; a place where they can move on with their lives, leaving their sad experiences behind them, hence the lack of visible success posts that are current.
I have been facilitating here for 13 years and I have heard and seen many successes both with F&F and gamblers, if it was not so I would not be here. It is understandable that few F&F members want to come back once they have moved on. Remembering a bad experience is fine, provided it is being used for ‘reference only’ but there is no need to return to the shadow of a gambling addiction once you have moved into the light.
Slips and relapses are not compulsory, they do not have to be part of recovery but with Covid 19 making lives more difficult, I think you are probably right that your husband has used the gamble to escape because he had become complacent.
Is your husband aware of the slippery slope he was on, has he expressed any disappointment in himself? I don’t believe in fudging issues, so I admit that the fact he is up 4K, is worrying. To me a so-called ‘win’ like this is a ‘loss’ to a gambler with a problem and I hope he gets support soon and gets this money into perspective.
Your husband didn’t think that GA was for him but would he consider this site. Your husband would be very welcome and understood in our ‘Gambler Only’ groups; they are facilitated by Charles who is a fantastic success story. Everything your husband is feeling will be understood. My argument would be that it has to be worth a try because he would have nothing to lose by joining but possibly everything to gain.
It would be great to ‘meet’ you in the F&F group, there is one this evening, Tuesday and another on Thursday. Nothing said in the group appears on the forum. It is good to talk in real time, you will be very welcome.
- This reply was modified 3 years ago by velvet.
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