9 February 2018 at 2:33 am #7973jenn86Participant
I am addicted to gambling. If someone asked me a couple of years ago if I could ever see myself here, I would have laughed at the thought. Sure, I have had my trials and tribulations in life, but I have so much to be grateful for. I have a wonderful family, a husband who loves me (at least the side of me that doesn’t gamble), a beautiful son, an education, and a career I am proud of. I am pretty, smart, funny, and well liked among people who meet me. My life should be wonderful, but it is anything but that. The confusing thing is, I cannot say why I am addicted to such a senseless activity. I am an intelligent person. I know better each time I even think about gambling. It is such a stupid idea! Yet, I do it anyway.
I am depressed. I cannot say whether I gamble because I am depressed, or if I am depressed because I gamble, but the fact is, I rarely find the joy- the instant gratification- that I find when I win. All other feelings are void to me now. The sad thing is, I have won large amounts at once, and then blew it all within a couple of days. I could have gotten myself out of this hole (at least financially), but I just keep going, going, going…until it is gone.
The non-gambling me has an honest relationship with a man who cares for me deeply. After discovering my gambling problem, once…twice…three…four…times, my husband has lost his faith in me. All respect for me is gone, and I don’t blame him. He has told me he cannot waste his energy anymore trying to get me to stop. He has said he loves me, but he is not in love with me, as the way I am now. And I’m sure it would be easy to earn back. He wants to love me again, as the me I once was. I am sure it would be easy to get there without gambling in my life. But I CAN’T STOP. So, I basically dig myself deeper into debt, depression, and apathy towards everyone and everything I love and I cannot tell you why.
I am a shell of the person I used to be, and yet I still feel that I will lose the joy of life if gambling wasn’t in my life. I need help. I want help, but I worry that I have broken the support system I once had, and my first instinct will be to gamble because “why not?” I am already broken, depressed, in debt, unloved, and looked down upon. What does it matter if I keep doing the only thing I know of that brings me some satisfaction? I hate this. I can’t undo my deceit and I can’t take back the lies. I can only move forward, but I am struggling to find a reason to. I don’t want to spend another dollar on a bet, but I don’t want to give it up either. What is wrong with me??12 February 2018 at 7:15 pm #7974charlesModerator
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team12 February 2018 at 7:26 pm #7975charlesModerator
Hi Jenn, well done on looking for help.
I have given you the standard welcome message but in reality this forum isn’t used as frequently as the My Journal Forum. I would strongly suggest you copy and repost your story there.
You can stop gambling I promise you. What is wrong with you? The simple answer is that you have an addiction. You don’t have to act on that addiction though. Read the other stories in the My Journal Forum, you will see many similar to your own. You wil also see the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?
Your husband has lost faith? No suprise really, like my family had, he has probably heard all your words and “never again” promises before. it is an old saying – actions speak louder than words. The actions that will help you stop gambling are the same actions which can help start rebuilding the trust. The actions that will give him cause to think “Hmm, maybe she means it this time.”
Actions like getting yourself excluded from whereever it is you gambel. Actions like removing your access to gambling funds. Like getting to Gamblers Anonymous meetings. Like keeping your recovery journal running in My Journal.
Show your husband this site as well – there is a Friends and Family Forum and groups that he might find useful.
I will look out for your story in My Journal Forum and look forward to reading the positive steps that you are taking.1 April 2018 at 10:31 pm #7976UnluckyParticipant
I’m reading your post and I could have written it myself . The only difference is I’ve just revealed my problem to my naive husband . I tried to tell him like a year ago , but he told me that I didn’t have a gambling problem , I had a I want money problem . But most of the money problems were caused by my gambling . I told him yesterday after spending my entire paycheck and then all the money I won while at the casino . Spending my car note money , my insurance money , all my money . I didn’t know how to cover it up this time . Usually I borrow , I’m out of people. To borrow from . So I broke down , when my daughter asked me what we were going to do for Easter , and I realized I had forgot and spent all the money . My daughter is 16 , I told her some of my issue then , I wish I hadn’t , but of all the people , she is the one I feel most accountable to . She has her own issues with depression and anxiety and I don’t want to let her down . I pray I can stop , but my mind keeps wandering to the slot machines .17 July 2018 at 2:15 pm #7977Tina2287Participant
Hi. I can relate to this sooooo much. Have everything going for me and a lovely little family.. but gambling has become my hobby. A hobby a hate that I love. Altho atm I just hate it. I have done the same as u. Won big then gave it all back!
It’s so dam hard to break the cycle!19 July 2018 at 5:17 am #797810 September 2018 at 1:10 pm #7979Berta24449787Participant
The effect on the brain from gambling is almost the same as from drugs and the more you do It, the more you need to to get the same high. I know it and we all know it and yet still we seem powerless. My nephew is an addict and we all try so hard to help him with whatever he needs to kick his habit, and after his wife just died from an overdose we all gathered to effectively try to turn his life around. I stand There, an addict myself, and no one knows. I need help but cannot ask. Like all of us, our overdose is financial ruin and no healing afterwards as we will just do it all over again. How far down is bottom for each of us? What do we finally have to sink to to decide that the reward we think we are getting is really a punishment in disguise? Do as much for yourself as you would be willing to expect any other addict to do to save their lives. It is really that bad.10 November 2018 at 5:14 pm #7980BrandileightonParticipant
Good morning everyone. I am broken as well. I’ve been gambling for the past year of and on. Nobody understands the addiction. I’ve lost everything, but still have a car, and roof over my head thanks to my parents and a job. I have a son who is 18 months. But my credit is horrible and had to borrow 300 dollars from a friend just to get by this week. I’m scared and depressed and at the end of my rope. Can’t pretend anymore. So I understand. Any help or word would be greatly appreciated.23 November 2018 at 12:36 pm #7981SteevParticipant
Hi Brandi. I’m new here so not sure if my advice will be welcome but I am sure someone will put me right if I am out of line. It is great that you have admitted that you have a problem to yourself and on this forum, but have you done so in real life? You need to get support from people who DO undestand the addiction. Check for self-help groups in your area or talk to someone by phone – the Samaritans if need be or a specific gambling support group like GA or similar. Come back here anytime you need to – I will look out for your posts. Gambling can be cracked – I have not gambled compulsively for over 30 years.27 November 2018 at 11:20 pm #7982yolipParticipant
30 years gambling free? wow. I have just destroyed my life binge gambling last week end. Lost everything and owe a lot. I even lost my co worker’s money she asked me to keep for her. That is the lowest low. I’ve been here before and managed to get out of the financial crisis 5 years ago. And yet I have not learned my lesson. I haven’t gone back to work since the gambling binge as I can’t eat, sleep or think straight. How did you do it?28 November 2018 at 12:18 pm #7983SteevParticipant
Hi Yolip. How did I do it? By deciding to put all the time and energy that I had put into my gambling into my recovery instead. By deciding that I was more important than the bet. By deciding that I did indeed have a problem and that I needed to admit it to myself and to other people that could help me. Weekends were always bad for me as well, so in the early days of my recovery I always made sure that I was busy at weekends. I did courses, voluntary work, went to GA groups and did fun stuff where there was no gambling on site to hook me in. I told as many people as I could about my problem and got them to look out for me. Extra hours at work will help not only to pay debts back but to keep you away from gambling. Using counselling to try and find out what may have gotten me into this behaviour in the first place. In short putting myself and my recovery first with the support and help of other people. I hope it works for you, Go well.1 February 2019 at 3:46 pm #7984maximilian1997Participant
Dear Jenn88 I recommend you to look movie ” Ulog” on Youtube. It is about real stories of the former addicts.
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