13 April 2017 at 2:26 pm #7918BlimBlamParticipant
Less than an hour ago I managed to lose £2200 playing blackjack! This makes the total loss of my last 4 weeks of madness to almost £4000
I had a serious gambling problem 12 years ago when I lost about £8000 playing slot machines. After my wife and family found out I managed to stop without any help and support and stayed almost gamble free for the last 12 years. I say almost because every few years I would deposit a £100, lose it then feel bad about it and stop again.
I have a good job, a loving wife and 3 beautiful children all under age of 10. I have a nice house that’s currently being renovated and everything seems just right from the outside. However, I am deep in debt, £25000 in total of which £6000 is due to gambling.
My wife suspected something was wrong a few weeks ago but at that time I was actually £800 in profit so I promised that I wouldn’t do it again and didn’t tell her about the money I had won. Of course I proceeded to lose it then some more.
Over the last few weeks I stopped going to the gym, doubled my smoking habit, gambled £4000 on credit cards and I feel so bad right now I don’t know what to do! I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore. I think I am suffering from depression and gambling has made it a million times worse. I feel ashamed, guilty, worthless and stupid. How could I do this to my family?! This money belongs to them not me. I’m so selfish I hate myself.
I’m supposed to be the role model for my kids, the main pillar of the house, the person my family rely and depend on but instead I’ve acted like a reckless fool as if they don’t mean anything to me.
I can’t tell my wife about the loss. She will be massively devastated and she will never trust me again. At the moment I can service my debt without any issues but I just feel so bad because the extra money left over from my salary is going to be paying for my stupid mistakes instead of being used for making my family’s life better.
I know the amount is lost is nothing compared to some people but somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better. It’s relative I suppose. I am the sole provider on £38000 a year and we’re a family of 5 so it’s going to take me years to pay back all my debt even if most of it wasn’t due to gambling.
I feel terrible right now, I’ve even neglected my work which is just wrong as I’ve always been a hard working professional and never let private matters get in the way of an honest day’s work.
I wish I could just die right now I feel like a worthless piece of [insert expletive]14 April 2017 at 6:50 pm #7919charlesModerator
Hi BlimBlam and welcome to the site.
Well done on looking for help. The good news is that there is a lot of help available to you here in the UK. This site, Gamcare, Gamblers Anonymous, counselling and more.
You don’t know what is wrong with you? You have a gambling addiction. As such i’m afraid there is no such thing as “HAD” a problem – there is no return to normal gambling. You can stop gambling though.
Read the other stories in the My Journal Forum. You will see a lot similar to your own. You will also see the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?
What barriers can you put in place?
Telling your wife would help, she can help with some of those barriers.
You think she doesn’t already know that there is a problem of some kind? She is aware of your previous issues, she voiced suspicions a few weeks ago and from, what you say, she will also have seen changes in your behaviour due to your gambling/depression. Telling her won’t be easy but this time you can show her by your actions what you are going to DO to deal with the situation. The actions that will help you stop gambling are the same actions that can help rebuild trust etc
Are the finances manageable? If servicing your debts means living like a hermit thaen that isn’t really sustainable. Again in the UK you can talk to the Citizens Advice Bureau or Stepchange to get free, expert advice.
I suggested you take a look at the My Journal Forum. I would also suggest that you copy and paste your initial post there – it is a busier forum and you will get a lot more feedback and support there.23 April 2017 at 4:27 am #7920Catherine loveParticipant
I know the feeling. No one knows I have been spending money online. I keep telling myself I’m done but then start again. It gets difficult to focus and do other things. I want to stop. I know I need help and to talk to someone. This is my first time reaching out and I’m a little scared. I have a good job and make really good money and living pay cheque to pay cheque because I spend all of it. I just need to confide in someone. I obviously can’t do it alone like I thought. I feel your pain and maybe we can stop together.27 April 2017 at 7:43 pm #7921charlesModerator
Hi Catherine, well doen on looking for help. Unfortunately this is a quieter forum, as I suggested to Blimblam (above) please check out the My Journal Froum. You will read a lot of stories similar to your own and when you start your own thread there you will get a lot of support.
I hope to read more of your story there or maybe talk about your recovery options in one of the real time groups.
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