Viewing 6 posts - 46 through 51 (of 51 total)
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  • #1322
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Dairyklimy
    I am hoping that you are going to return to this thread. I appreciate that you are reading other posts but each and every member has a different story and each and every person who posts receives unique replies so please start your own thread. Scroll to the bottom of the F&F Forum page click on ‘New Topic’ and follow the simple instructions.
    Most F&F recognise your feeling of being disengaged by a CG (compulsive gambler)and I would love to communicate with you directly.
    You are not alone when you are here. You are understood and I and others want to support you.
    Velvet

    #1323
    shelly5
    Participant

    Today isn’t a good day. The gambling problem hasn’t gotten any better. I try hard to deal with it–well maybe I just try to ignore it. Yesterday my husband had to go out of town on business, and in the back of mind I knew that meant he would go to a casino. Unfortunately I was right. I got a phone call in the afternoon from asking me if I minded if he took out $160.00 and went to the casino. I said what do you think. Of course I don’t want you to go. Then he started making a deal. If I go to the Casino I promise not buy any scratcher tickets for the next two weeks. By that time I was already upset. I just said do whatever you want to do. Your 51 years old and you can make your own decision. Well his decision was to go to the Casino. (Huge surprise there!) I am done trying to stop him. I have no control over the addiction. I’m just going to let him do whatever he wants. I wanted so bad to just leave last night. I feel trapped in a vicious cycle.

    #1324
    velvet
    Moderator

    Dear Shelly
    In my opinion everyone who loves a CG will have times when they try to push this horrible addiction to the back of their minds in the hope it will go away, only to have it brutally shoved back to the forefront again as the addiction reasserts itself.
    It never left your mind completely though and until your husband has accepted his problem and sought support it will always be in his mind too and not at the back.
    I think your handling of your husband’s addiction was terrific even though I know you are feeling defeated. You told him that it was his choice and you recognised that you could not control his addiction. That is not defeat, that is acceptance and without acceptance it is hard to move on.
    I would never tell anybody to go or to stay – I know your husband can change or I wouldn’t be writing to you but there are no magic words to give you to make your world feel right instantly.
    I know my words seem rather pathetic when you are faced with the enormity of an active addiction but looking after yourself is the best way for you to cope – both with yourself and with him. I don’t know of any CG who thanked those who love them for trying to make them stop gambling but I have heard many who say thank you for not becoming victims. Taking yourself out of the cycle isn’t easy but just as I know your husband can change I know that you can live at the centre of your life and not on the periphery of his.
    I’m going to close but my thoughts are with you. I will finish with the Serenity Prayer that F&F always say at the end of Gamanon meetings and also my favourite alternative. When you read them I want you to know that, just as in Gamanon your hand is being held around the world, in cyber space, by those who really understand including many of us who no longer live in the shadow of the addiction.
    The Serenity Prayer
    God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
    Courage to change the things I can
    And Wisdom to know the difference.
    And the alternative
    God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
    Courage to change the thing that I can
    And Wisdom to know it is me.
    Speak soon Shelly
    V

    #1325
    shelly5
    Participant

    I know that I need to hand this over to God, and I know that I can’t change him. Home life is stressful as I don’t want to talk to him. You can feel the tension in the air.
    I realize this a vicious cycle that has repeated itself over and over again .

    #1326
    shelly5
    Participant

    Last night as I reading thru this thread, I was thinking that maybe I should let him read this. Is that a good or a bad idea? I really don’t think that he has a clue how much this really upsets me, and makes me feel inside.

    #1327
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Shelly
    I promise you that this is not me opting out of reply but I cannot tell you what to do. This is your thread and your support and what you do with it has to be in your hands only.
    If you are unsure it is often best to do nothing until you are ready to make an informed decision. If you want to push your thoughts around more just keep posting or perhaps pop into the group on Tuesday – it would be great to communicate in real time.
    I hope that re-reading your thread helped you.
    Speak soon
    Velvet

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